TRUE STORY * No seriously Simon is my uncle * A man from south Africa wanted to be able to drive in England. But he was really really bad at driving! Then he found Simon, my uncle. He teached him in an empty car park. He stirred to the left, then to the right, then to the left again really bad! Really? Simon decided to tell this man: "When you get home, get a plate from your cupboard and practice steering." The next week the man came back. And guess what he said? "I broke the plate."

Funny Book Titles A Books I would like to read: 312 Ways To Die by Sue I Cide A Great Plenty by E Nuff A Stitch In Time by Justin Case A Trip To The Dentist by Howard Hurts A Whole Lot of Cats by Kitt N Caboodle Achy Breaky Heart by Ann Guish Achrophobia Explained by Alfredo Heights Advanced Maths by Smart E Pants After The Corned Beef and Cabbage by Kay O'Pectate Ah, Thor! by Ty Till All Alone by Saul E Terry All-You-Can-Eat Buffets by I M A Piggee Allegiance To The King by Neil Downe Almost Missed The Bus by Justin Time Ambulance Driving by Adam Muhway Ambush! by May T Surprise And Shut Up! by Sid Downe And The Other People by Allan Sundry Animal Illness by Anne Thrax Animal Scents by Farrah Mones Answering The Question of The Universe by Howard I Know Antlers In The Tree Top by Hue Goosetamoose April Fool! by Sue Prize Archery by Beau N Arrow Are We There Yet? by Miles Away Armed Heists by Robin Banks Artificial Clothing by Polly Ester Artificial Weightlessness by Andy Gravity As Solid As by Rocco Gibraltar Assault With Battery by Eva Ready At The Bottom Of The Can by Hazel Nutt Athletic Supporter by Jacques Strap Attractive Floral Arrangements by Sean Connery Funny Book Titles B is coming up soon!

Agh! Agh! I hate it when people are like, "Hey girrlfriend! Follow back girrlfriend!" When they're not even following you. Agh! I hate it when people are like, "Ok gurrl. You just gotta STOP THAT 'Nuh huh.' WHEN I AM BEING SARCASTIC! (OK this one was a little weird I admit) Agh! I hate it when peole are like, "Woohoo! Yeah! This song is so like, makes me wanna breakdance!" and things like that that don't even make sense. Ok this is all I wanted to share with you!

LimeRick I once met a man with beard Whos name was terribly weird He prounced it one day And I thought he was gay And was what he appeared

The Three Horses In a bar, there are three horses. The first one bragged, "I was in a race today, and I was last running. Then, suddenly, something bit me on my derriere, and somehow I ran sooo fast, that won race!" The second horse said, "Well well well, what a coincidence! I was in my race, running fast, something bit my, ahem, bum, and I run exceptionally fast and won the race! Look, here's my medal!" The third horse said, "Today I was in my race too! I was last running, like you sir, and you too, sir! Something bit my bottom, and I run to be first and win the race!" Then a dog comes in and says, "Today I was in my dog race and I was running last. Something bit my bum, I was scared so I ran so fast that I won the race!" Then all the horses shout at the same time, "Agh! A talking dog!