Words Of A Dead Woman I'm not one of the great minds, nor will I be missed. I'm a woman trying to have a #life. I fought hard and fought immensely, but I no longer have the fight in me and I'm okay with that. I will departure this world and go back to not being as I was 25 years back. It doesn't need to be tragic. I owe a lot to people that have trusted me and helped me as I went through #life. Tomorrow is my final fight. If I have published this then I have lost the battle and surrendered the war. I apologize to those who have loved me. And know that there was nothing you could've done to stop this. I don't want to be saved, I do want to leave a last message. This is purely selfish act and I intended it to be my last. We will not meet in another #life. This is it.

Steps.. It takes years, you start with hating living, not even considering ending your #life, then you start wishing you'd die, yet not doing anything about it. Finally you entertain the thought. If I do it, how will I do it? No, no I got too much to lose, this is just a rough patch. The rough patches become closer in time, it's not bad luck. Everything is going fine, it's you, you can have everything you want and you'd still be one miserable fucker, you realize it's never gonna end. You've done 23 years of it, do you want to do another 40? No, absolutely not! Pills won't do, you will regret it before it takes effect. You're too much of a coward to cut your jugular, at least for now. So you go on living because you are a coward that can't put an end to it.. Time is in fact not running out. You are. Written on apr.29,2012

Lair If you told me at 4 that one day I will not dread getting a shot, I would've called you a lair. If you told me at 7 that one day I will be able to have a happy meal whenever I pleased yet I wouldn't, I would've called you a lair. If you told me at 12 that one day I'll have my own computer, and wouldn't need to take turns with my 5 siblings, I would've most defiantly called you a lair! So many simple things I could've not imagined. Seems like a steady diet of happy meals and no shots would've kept me happy for eternity.. Mid night babbling, good night..

Losing The Mustered Seed So what if there is no fate? Nothing is meant to be, you make your own destiny as you go! Very scary yet empowering. Lost is a feeling that frequents me, however, I've never been more stable than I am today. I have the power to make things happen, I have the power to change. So if this is truly it, this unpleasant world is all there is, I can change it, for it's not changing itself. What if I am wrong? Nothing is for certain. But even if I were wrong, why am I expected to believe these old stories and live by them, never been given the chance to doubt them. Pascal's wager, and I'm paraphrasing here, stated that the benefit of believing surpass's it's harm. That if you are a believer and it turns out you're right, then you gain all that can be gained, and if you're wrong then you lose nothing, as in what you lose has already been lost. Needless to say Pascal was not a woman. It's very well known how religious societies are prejudice against women, regardless of the religion. So would Pascal's wager still stand if he was a she, sure what you lose has already been lost, but to be a good religious woman rarely would having a #life be compatible with that. Okay enough about women, I'm not one to enjoy writing about the battle of the sexes. What about the universe, can we both believe in creationism and evolution? Is the sun going to fade and turn to a black hole? Can this be the end? Wait the end? I'm getting ahead of myself, how about the start , how old is our universe, how old is our planet? I'm not very well read about the beginning of it all or how far back have civilizations been known. But assuming there was a starting point where earth was created,how did it happen? At this point it's clear I have more reading to do.