Imma give your face a lap dance with my fist.

Late Night Thinking I miss the hugs And the laughter I miss the happily ever after.

New Years I had watched the New Years fireworks They sparkled, sizzled and soared I had turned to watch my family They smiled, cheered and roared. I had turned to check my phone To see what others were doing I had found that you had replaced me And the happiness in me was gone.

For You. How dare you?! How dare you leave me now, I can't believe you strung me along like I was just trash. Like my feelings meant nothing to you. You said you hated seeing me in pain You said you wanted me rid of scars.. Of anger and angst... You said you understood and you'd take care of me. Well fuck you, where are you now? You caused this pain and suffering, you caused the scars on my thighs, you caused the scars on my heart. You've destroyed me, ruined me, killed me. I can't look at a god damn thing without thinking about you. For example "look at that gravel... I remember when we climbed a mountain of gravel and screamed at the top of our lungs, cause we wanted to feel alive". It's that easy. You'll never leave my mind, You've tainted it... I'll never be able to forget you. Although you're so happy without me, I still cry myself to sleep. Because no human being should be able to discard years of memories and happiness like you have. No human being should be able to let go of someone they said meant the world to them. That's why it's hard for me. I'm sorry for being your best friend and I'm sorry for loving you.

Murder I think you're beautiful. That's all I wanted to say. One big roadtrip, with conversations and opportunities , and I never said it. Why? I saw her crying, I saw her sad, it would've been the perfect time. So why? Afraid she wouldn't believe me? Afraid of her opinion on me? Afraid of her response? I'd hold her hand and tell her, or hug her and whisper it in her ear, or just mouth it to her from the other seat, or serenade her with a song with those lyrics in it. I had endless possibilities, yet the words were said. She probably needed to hear those words more than ever, just not from me. And that why. I don't make anyone better. I never will and I never have. Everyone is better off without me. But I don't mind. Being alone isn't so bad, sometimes. Yet I'm never alone, I'm poison in the people who dare to drink my time. And some people just won't stop drinking. Like her. My friend, my beautiful friend, who I will kill eventually.