i watch as my blood bubbles up from underneath my skin. it holds all my pain. i release it. the cold silver against my skin is like drugs to a druggie, weapons to a serial killer. the crimson red doesnt stop. i watch as my skin swells and tries to repair the damages. if only it could do that with all the damages done to me. when will it be my turn to heal?

the cold silver invites me in. as crimson blood drips down my arm, aqua tears roll down my face. you dont understand my pain. you dont think before you say those seemingly harmless things. why is it hard for you to understand i cant handle the screaming, the fighting, the hurtful slurs? why dont you become my mom instead of a non-trusting, childish, bitch, who thinks she knows everything about everyone? i never gave you a reason to not trust me. whats your fucking deal?

you were supposed to be my brother. someone i could look up to, talk to whenever i was going through a hard time. what changed? its like im non-existant to you. y'know, it really hurts. i try to talk to you, but all i ever get is one-word answers. how do you think it makes me feel? do you just not care?

standing on the outside hearing the perfect little family in there feeling like an outcast in my own home i watch myself in the mirror as i cry these pitiful tears you do this to me it isnt fair its almost as if youre trying to kill me emotionally well, youve succeeded.

youve been gone for so long. its like i dont even know you anymore. i dont know why i bother with you anymore. maybe its because youre my brorher. why arent you here for me? you said youd write back. i havent recieved one letter yet. you dont make any effort to talk to me. have you forgotten about me? ive been in a swirling #depression since you left. you said you were going into the army. i cried everyday, thinking you could be dead. you pretty much are to me. goodbye, big brother.