Which More To Fear I know not which more to fear: Having you, or not having you. I know not which I pray for: The courage to love you, Or the courage to leave you. Because if I feel, I cannot stop, But if I stop, I may never feel again, And feeling is fun, and feeling is first, But feeling is fearsome.

on writing. Writing is not its own reward. Writing is consolation. Writing is meaning, but not being. Writing is #life, but not living. Too much of either and you go overboard. April 2013

If Only We Could Redo Goodbyes lyrics Last night I lay in bed Replaying Friday in my head Remembering you taking me out with qualifiers Last night I lay awake Feeling a funny kinda ache Just wishing for a way to change what had transpired If only we could redo goodbyes I know I would have Hugged you back a little tighter Dawdled just a little longer Spoken up a little louder Held you for more of forever So now I'm realizing that you Turned the engine off and came to Stand there next to me hands in your pockets You were looking at my feet And I could feel the bittersweetness Of goodbye filling the moment so I ran Away from you What would you have me do When my heart knew It couldn't take another blow But if only we could redo goodbyes I know I would have Hugged you back a little tighter Dawdled just a little longer Spoken up a little louder Held you for more of forever And now I can imagine How you'd planned this conversation And rehearsed like twenty times what you would say Coz when farewells pass so easily You can't just say something cheesy And pretend that we'd still have another day To skip cliches And spill all that our souls Needed to say But my heart was clogging up my throat But if only we could redo goodbyes I know I would have Hugged you back a little tighter Dawdled just a little longer Spoken up a little louder Held you for more of forever And now you're half a world away I'll leave the land of yesterday Coz I know that the past is gone and dead So I'm sitting here and sighing This song's oversimplifying Everything unspoken trapped inside my head

Last Basketball Practice Ever I'm walking away from my last basketball practice ever, wondering how something so tragic could feel so unbearably normal. It's a horrible tragedy the way immense events in our lives pass by without making a fuss. I wish they would; I wish there were some way to immortalise specific memories, somewhere to file away all these moments and what I was thinking or feeling as I lived through them, as I passed them by--no, as they passed me by. Because as moments pass from reality into memory they die. All the colour and complexity fades until nothing is left but their significance and the entirely insufficient recollection we have of things we wish we could've held on to.