Hollywood To Re-make German Classic The latest classic film to undergo the Hollywood makeover treatment has been announced as being Das Boot. Randy Wankstein, executive Producer, described at a press conference that every old English speaking film has now been re-made and Hollywood must now look to foreign language classics to "make a better version of". The news comes in the light of Mel Gibson's as yet unreleased soon to be a classic movie "The Shite" being remade before the originals release. Rumoured to star in the Wankstein Boot are Vin Diesel, Jason Statham and Beyonce Knowles as the love interest. Writers are currently working on the script which Randy promises to be "a whole shit load better" than the original story. The running time will be well under the four hours that Wankstein admits he found "hard going" in the German version. As he explains: "far too much time was spent with the cast being filmed just standing around in silence like a bunch of dumb asses. People want sex and laughs notes watching their beards grow". Unlike in Das Boot, we'll see the American nuclear sub prevent Pearl Harbour before sailing up the Danube into Berlin with an all action finale waging Diesel against Hitler, played by "a Limey with a posh accent". In scenes also not in the original we'll see a high speed car chase through London during the height of the Blitz. Chevy Chase will make a welcome return to the big screen as Admiral Wankstein (no relation) who masterminds the glorious victory over the Germans, Japanese and Swiss at the conclusion of the war in 1943.