Early Morning The birds are singing. It's still dark. I can hear the wind trying to squeeze through the gap of my open window. The traffic on the bypass is building. Busy people. Busy lives. In their own worlds. Are they happy. Are they loved? Am I loved by him? Is this the dying embers of what was once a roaring fire? The question that plagues me in these early hours alone is that can I accept that the unconditional love for him has diminished. I find fault and lay blame where once was acceptance and forgiveness. I feel so alone when I am in our world, the one we crafted together. The one that is dying. He calls me "babe, darling, sweetheart" and for a time I believe them, as I think he believes them too. But then the coldness creeps back and his world takes over and My Love has gone again, replaced by a barrier that is his defence and protection. I want to record how I am feeling. Right now I am still afraid to be on my own so am holding on. But I am not happy and I am not sure I can find the easiness that we had before. But for now I need sleep or at least to shut out that world out there for a little longer.