My Pointless Gay #life Of Black And White Cracks The usual random shit that makes my #life complicated that nobody understands or cares about, whilst pretending to give a minimal amount of intrest and just generally not giving a fuck till its too late. Why waist time giving a damn? I kinda do, whilst I kinda don't, and it is my #life at risk so yeah kinda big especially since it would be suicide. But then again if it ended pain will stop and there would be no more fear at all. My dad tells me to either shut the fuck up about my #life or be all sunshine and lollipops living on a fantasy work where everything is perfect for him, despite I'm gay and stuff. My friends say they care but are avoiding me more recently and I didn't really have any anyway, so I feel like I have no friends.My mum tells me to talk to my dad and I can't tell my brothers a flying fuck about my #life for their own sake. Music can cause pain to me, some songs cause seemingly physical harm to come to me where as books make my heart rip itself to shreds more or are boring I somehow live, forgetting memories, like every day is but a piece of sand in my spade which has been left in the beech, and the wind comes along to brush sand onto and off of the spade, but wiping away the build up of a sandcastle I made over the years in a period of months. Making memories seem like nothing, and my #life seen pointless. My heart shattered and broken as disabled my ability to feel emotion, but not to crack and burn. Exams seem pointless and friends seem like dust, here today, gone tommorow. #life seems black and white, no emotion and only the rare black and white beauty, which remains infect in the colourless world we live in. I look for help, a school councillor who doesn't know what to do, a dad who won't let me have therapy, family and friends who don't are and just shut me off. What's the point in fighting anymore? I've lost hope and I feel already dead. The end may come soon...