The sadness ‘off switch’ How do you turn off the sad? It’s 3am and I’m left wondering why I’m still staring at the ceiling. I have spent today surrounded by people who are happy to be alive being constantly reminded of how they don’t have to carry this sadness with them, recognising their reflection in the bathroom mirror as something beautiful and familiar, whilst smiling at it. It’s 3am and I’m thinking about how much I would love an off switch for the sad thoughts, simply saying no to the overwhelming sea of #depression which engulfs me daily. Choosing to make it stop. Instead, straightening my back I would going out into the world as it waited for me with open arms with so much reason to keep living it would burst from my fingertips. Being awake before the sun gets chance to rise from its slumber cooking breakfast, know what it feels like to WANT to get out of bed. The world would see me appreciating mornings and nights for being part of the non-exhaustive list of things I am grateful to see every day but, It’s 3am. And I’m looking at my skin overwhelmed by this predatorial desire to cut into it. There is no ‘off switch’, but my mind won’t stop wondering about it, obsessing over the thought of digging my nails so deeply into my arms trying to answers in loose pieces of skin and wet pillows I was not born with an off switch, but maybe one day I will make my own.