I can't believe, so young and naive The parties, the drinking, not giving thought to what others were thinking One day a pain so intense I didn't know what to do Multiple doctors, hundreds of labs and extensive procedures Still sick with no answers, Dilaudid starts flowing through my veins as I fade deeper and deeper... Finally in Minnesota my doc has a solution, Experimental surgery, we'll do a substitution. Anesthesia kicks in and my nerves melt away, My loving family sits quietly, with outcomes unknown they silently pray Surgery was a success, but with a long recovery ahead My family helping selflessly as I cannot get out of bed Chained to machines, constant pain and can't eat Days turn into weeks while I play 'Friends' on repeat Thanks to my devoted family I slowly got back on my feet Excited to move on with #life, And finally nursing school was complete. After only a short period of being on the mend, Sickness struck again and my dream of nursing quickly came to an end Back on pain meds and feeling queasy, It was determined my pain was for #life and it wasn't going to be easy #depression, anxiety and addiction consuming my mind A new personality started to grow leaving the real me behind Pretty soon all I felt was pain, but also a euphoria of getting high And before I knew it all my energy was focused on new ways to float in the sky My best friend, my confidante, took advantage of my situation I fell into a false sense of reality and acceptance as this clearly wasn't the answer to my equation It pains me to know that he is stronger today because of me, and me of him Even though he turned into a man, I was stripped of everything, my outlook was grim As my soul slipped further into the ground, A voice inside me screamed, yet no one heard any sound Nausea, vomiting, suicidal dread, Overdosing, hoping after#life was pain free instead. A second chance was given to me, I had to make it count. By choice I quit my narcotics, my withdraws were severe, No sleep for five days, my hallucinations kicked into gear. At last sleep came, although my journey was not done, Pain management discontinued my care, No help, no guidance, I had no-one. A fire was lit and I was determined to succeed, Distraction and relaxation, I was finally freed. The pain is still there, and the war is not over, But I am strong, and focused to win, My future is to help others be successful when sober.