Grown It doesn't matter how many bottles I swallow It doesn't matter how many bowls I smoke How many meals I skip How many days go by while I lie idle in bed Binging mind numbingly stupid television programs To fill the hours To fill the void I've learned to be miserable Learned to spend the days crying and sleeping And touching myself thinking of all the boys and girls I left It's not like I can blame anyone for this It's part of getting older Part of growing up And I've outgrown the fits of anger I've outgrown the self harm I've outgrown looking for someone to blame for any of this And I could talk all day about my shitty parents But who really gives a rat's ass about my sob story I've outgrown looking for someone to give me sympathy People talk a lot about growing up Like it's this exciting wonderful journey Well I'm here to say that's bullshit No one talks about the things that come with starting over No one talks about the people they lose No one talks about how you'll ache for your old town No matter how much you swore you hated it And it's taken me eight weeks in this new shitty town to write all these things down Eight weeks of getting stoned alone Sleeping alone Crying alone Being so completely alone, alone, alone ** 7/29/15