Promotion I got a promotion today, Ive reached the position others fear People dont know quite what to say Their faces ovrwhelmed at the sight of a tear. Its hard to be at the top, a lonliness arrives that i know will never leave I fight it hard. Lock it in tomorrow's cupboard. Drown out it's noise, only to hear it ringing in my ears even louder. In doing so i find myself lost in a crowd. Nobody hears me. My noise no longer resonates. Im pained by my paralysis of being somehow unable to reach for the Tv remote, to lift my mind away and keep me feeling i'm still afloat. Im five months into the role. It starts to sink in. Ill never be fired, demoted or mentored by my predecessors. I must embrace the lonliness, its teaching me courage and yet it feels cold. I feel too young. I still need the cushion that was always there to protect me. Im frightened that i no longer have any shelter, no safety net to collect me. I want to resist and ignore this aloneness. And yet it keeps knocking on my door, like a debt collector, warning me that i can run but i cant hide. Its like im saving it for a special occasion. I want to entain and connect but not yet... A new and somewhat foreign meaning keeps beconing inside my mind, baiting my thoughts. This lonliness i discard and deny is perhaps the comfort im so lacking. Perhaps staring back in its face Is an unveiling of my soul in peacetalks. The unfriendly hostility i have thrust at it so far, serves only to keep its identity under its burka. And yet i keep delaying this. Bullying my whole self into getting everything so very wrong. But which effortlessly i can do right, with poise, exellence. The school boy error. The right royal fuck up. The labels rhat follow... I secretly recognise the stillness that shall be my tonic. I must start taking it. Then watch and smile. The composing of my days are built solid, stand proud. Pride. Its a great asset. Not easy to fake. I have to fulfil this role. There is no one else for the job. I look at my predessesors with a renewed and high regard. You never told me about this acute and painful place at the top. Or that it comes with waves of huge satifaction too. You just got on with it. So i must too. When I lose my way ill turn to your legacy, ask what would you say. Ill see you again mum and dad, one day.