Syazzy Wazzy I'm not sure if it's love or compulsive attachment. and if it was love, perhaps at best it was just possessive love — as long as you're together with me, I would love you. whatever it may be though, I've decided — after an extensively exhaustive period of pain, bitterness and longing — that I just want to be nice to you, in my speech, outward conduct and even remembrance, instead of continuing this bearing of hatred and pain which, in my opinion, would just degrade what we had. I would want to, more than anything else, retain the thought that I, did love you, and you, did love me, too, even if it was otherwise. Because it is simply what I prefer for us; I would love that, truly. And I would very much want to cling to that memory, so that when I reminisce, I would smile and remember that lovely, beautiful, kind, and loving you. I hope to never forget that, — I do not want to — and most especially that look on your face on our first date. you were so beautiful. and I recall this page from a book that I read, and I remember thinking only of you when I read through it. it reads: "if any Muslim who suffers some calamity says that which God has commanded him — “Indeed, to God we belong and indeed, to Him we will return,” [2:156] — (followed by,) “O God, reward me for my affliction and give me something better in exchange for it,” God will give him something better in exchange." — Muslim, 1999 "If any Muslim man or woman suffers a calamity and keeps it in his memory, even if it occurred a long time previously, saying, each time it is remembered, “Indeed, to God we belong and indeed, to Him we will return,” God the Blessed and Exalted will give a fresh reward each time it is said, equivalent to the reward of when it occurred. — Mishkat, 1759 and then, it continues, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that God forgives some of his sins due to it, even if it is only the prick of a thorn. — Bukhari, 7:544 "The magnitude of the reward goes along with the magnitude of the affliction. When God The Almighty and Glorious loves people, He afflicts them and, those who accept it gladly receives God's pleasure, but those who are displeased receive God's displeasure. — Mishkat, 1566 "The believing man or woman continues to be afflicted in person, property and children so that they may finally meet God free of sin. — Mishkat, 1567 I hope to always love you, Nur Syazwani Zulkifli.