The Past Is Never Where You Left It. We were all sitting around the campfire. I remember it like it was yesterday, not almost a year ago, it's scary how quick time goes. One minute everything's fine, hunky dory. The next it's falling apart in front of your eyes and you don't even know what to do. Do you cry? Laugh? Get angry? What? The scariest but best thing about #life is that it's not planned out, there is no manual, no one tells you what will happen or how to react, what decision's you need to make and when. You just fly by and hope, pray that it works out in you favour. The campfire is burning my face, I shouldn't sit so close but the warmth is so inviting I don't want to move. My coat is soaking wet from the grass and bearing my weight on it, but I don't want grass stains on my jeans and I'm gonna have to wash everything now anyway as it will smell of burning wood and fags. We are all in a semi circle, talking about #life, the joys, memories, having a laugh. Only a couple of them have beers in there hands now and nearly everyone has left now. Their was fifteen maybe of us and now there is six. The conversation has gone deep and I know it's not long before they ask me what my biggest regret is, everyone is answering. But what would I say? Nathan looks at me "so Shannon your biggest regret?". I look at everyone staring at me expecting some joke or positive thinking probably. That's me the joker, the one with the big smile on her face all the time. The one who can make everyone and anyone smile no matter what. I'm the positive one the happy one, the girl everyone comes to for advice when #life is kicking them in the nuts. I'm the girl everyone relies on way to much. I look at them, open my mouth once, close it. And I don't even know what I'm gonna say, so I let it spill. "Sheldon." I say simply. Like I didn't even have to think twice about, well I really didn't. But do I want to go there? All sorts of looks come my way. Some sadness, some confused. But mainly and mostly sympathy. Devon is the one with the confused face. He doesn't know me that well, he doesn't know what happened or why I regret it. And I don't really expect him to. So he asks the most obvious question of all. "Why?" I don't hesitate, might as well let it all out. Right we are in a sharing environment, why can't I just sat why. Or what happened, but the truth was I need to get it out and let it spill. If I keep everything bottled up I'm gonna end up old with ten cats and on my own, miserable. And probably go batshit crazy. So I let it spill. And I don't think I even stopped for a breath. "Every girl has a dream. Even the hard nut girls do. They wanna meet their Prince Charming, be swept of there feet and wear those glass slippers. I did, and those nights where he wanted to stay in with me, cuddle me and watch films. Say all the right things to me, cook for me. I felt like I had a place, like I was needed not wanted. Like I belonged somewhere I could be me, he said everything a girl wants to hear, all the right things. And I believed every word. And he sounds damn right perfect I know." I stopped very aware of who was here, and how this would hurt him. I knew talking about my ex was hard for him, he is one and I didn't want him too think I was doing this out of spit, besides we are still on bad terms. But I carried on, they got me started and I couldn't stop now. "He convinced me while I was enjoying nights in that none of my friends liked me and they used me. He told me I wasn't aloud to go out without him and that I couldn't go to party's. He made me believe I wasn't good enough for him or anyone. And that I was worthless. I stopped living to be with him. And my biggest mistake is honestly believe that that dream every girl has would come true for me. Cause I just ain't that lucky. My regret is that I let a boy take away me friends, family and #life from me and I didn't even give up a fight. Someone once told all the best things in #life are worth fighting for and that I was a fighter. But what I didn't do is fight for what I love, fight for my #life, fight for the little things in #life people take for granted. I didn't fight. And thats why I regret Sheldon. Cause he made me lose myself and God knows when I will ever find that girl again." They all just stared at me shocked. They didn't know what to say and I didn't either. I felt like such an idiot for dropping that bomb on them. So I relight my fag, took a drag off the cancer stick, blow the puff of smoke out and said the first thing that came to my head. "damn this is depressing." And just like that it was forgotten we were just teenagers messing around and taking the Piss out of each other again.