Dearest Diary; 2 -Day 4- Speaking is a chore. It is so hard to say what needs to be said. It feels like I'm trapped inside a box. I have so many words to say, so many thoughts to speak. But I can't. I always get so close to opening my mouth, and then the words get blocked by some opposing force. It is a never ending process. I am not afraid of embarrassment; I am, in fact, a walking embarrassment. I have accepted it. I am also not afraid of losing friends. They all love me for who I am. I am not afraid of being judged, either. I am simply afraid of myself. I don't want the oppotunity to talk too much. I don't want to give myself the chance to gossip and hurt the ones I love. And in order to do that, my mind shuts down all thoughts of speaking. It is my own fault I'm like this. I chose to be this way for the greater good. Sometimes, though, I wish I hadn't.