I've realised something. It was always at the back of my head but I never realised-if that makes sense. I've always been a secondary friend. A secondary friend being that person that's not really a best friend but they're there and you talk to them on a regular basis but there isn't ever a major connection. I'm not saying I've had a shitty #life or something. Like my #life hasn't been bad, I just don't connect to people in my town. That's another thing I realised, your thoughts on a place rely so heavily on your connections to people in that place. I don't connect to my family. I don't connect to my friends. And as a result of that I can't actually stand the thought of living my whole #life here. Like I'm not a psychologist but that's makes sense. So, as I said I don't want to live here. There are so many places so much better than here. As humans we so rarely see the places we want to see because of connections to others. We are always so connected to others and togetherness. In a year or so I'm free. In a year or so I'm out of this town and I'll never have to speak to my friends again. Nothing is wrong with any of these people as people and there is nothing wrong with my friends as friends but there is something so ultra, painfully wrong with my friends as my friends. They are all open minded, funny, interesting people. And they all get along and everything is fine. But, as with humans naturally, we do not get along. They are some of the best people I know and I wouldn't change them. But, I know I wouldn't be their first choice in friend. Don't get me wrong this isn't about cliques or something. We share the same music taste, movie taste, sense of humour-all that. But we are missing that spark everyone always talks about. Yeah, I get there isn't an actual spark but there is some deeper connection in a proper friendship. I see it all the time they have it between each other, after all. And I hope to find that spark but I know I'm not finding it here or now. The point is I have no connection, so once this one year or so period is up I'm completely free. I can chose who I am and reinvent myself completely as apposed to being what conditions and all my half connections make me. And despite the fact I want to cry ninety percent of the time when talking to these people, it's kinda great because I'm not trapped and the connections I make will be made in freedom. willpower whatsoever.