The First Time. This is something I wrote when I was thirteen just edited. I sit with my back to the wall, the boiling hot water hitting my skin. The boiling water isn't as painful as what just happened. I feel lost, I do not know what is happening in my #life anyone. I feel like everything is my fault that's what he said. It was because I got a boyfriend I didn't know having a boyfriend was a bad thing. He told me not to tell my nan, I don't know what to do with myself. The blood is running. The pain is excruciating. I just don't know how to feel anymore. Do I tell her? Or will she get really mad a hate me? Like he said she would. Why do I feel like this is all my fault… Maybe it is, I didn't know anyone could hurt me like this!!!! I don't want to leave the shower, the hot water is soothing the pain. He is calling my name, telling me to unlock the door. But I can't I don't know how I can look him in the eyes anymore.