My Secret... We all have a secret. Some are bigger than others, but, they all feel the same. Or so I thought... My secret was such a secret, I kept it from myself. I knew in first grade that who I was wasn't who I was inside. I wished it then as I did now. I wrote my secret down on a piece of paper; my desire, my want... I got in trouble for it. So I hid myself. I believed in a lie, I believed what I wasn't. I was born this way, so it must be who I am, right? That's what I believed. But, that person inside me, knew, would tell me I wasn't me—I just didn't see it. I grew up with no taste in anything. Nothing I wanted to put on the wall, not even anything I wanted to wear. I kept quiet... I didn't know who I was, and I hated myself for it, as much as others. I felt lost in a maze in my heart. Nowhere to go, nowhere to run, nothing to see. I wanted something better, I wanted to be me. I didn't know how to be me. I wanted to hide, to not exist... I didn't know anything else, anything better. I wanted to die, but I was scared. One day, I found my way. The way to end an existence not for me, but you—you—you made me put that cup down. You were there, you understood my pain. Something made me want to live... I had to live, I had to keep going. I couldn't hate you anymore, I couldn't hate myself. It was all misfortune. I entrusted myself to you. Please take care of me I said. And that you did. I slowly learned to smile, and, I gained a taste in clothes, though I didn't understand why. I just liked it. I wanted more, and you were there, to offer the support. I even began to think like who I was, but it never dissolved that lie. I still felt lost, answerless. How could I be something I'm not. I still was sad, even if I had you by my side. I then found someone. Someone I thought amazing, and I was scared. They may not accept me. But I gave it my all. I told him how I felt, how I am worried... I learned to trust him. But then when I moved in with him, and I tried to be me... He told me not to. That, that was not me, because of how I was born. I didn't believe it. How could I? I was hurt, but I put on a smile and went through, even though he broke each strand of trust. I couldn't be me around him. How could I? I didn't even know me. How do I explain myself? We parted ways... So, there I was... Lost in the abyss of myself. What do I want... What do I believe in... I wanted to be with people. For people to accept me. I wondered what if, the ego never existed. No one would be alone anymore. We'd understand everyone, never worry of hiding a lie... A secret... Who was I? I went to bed... Wishing, as I did every other night, that I was born as me. I still believed that lie, just at the corner of my mind. When I awoke, I thought about who I was. Am I in that maze anymore? I now know what I want to do, what I want to wear... My own name, what I wish I had. Just, none of it matched how I was born... I looked back, on my past... My earliest memories... Who I think I was in grade school, middle school, high school... How, I hid from myself, though I am me now. That memory, of wanting to be me, from when I was young... It made sense. I am someone else. Maybe it might be my twin I absorbed in the womb. Something could of happened. But I found me. I know me. I knew what I wanted to wear, what I wanted on the walls, what I wanted in my room, how I wanted to be, everything. And I didn't feel lost. I felt, happy, that, I found out who I was. I want to be me. But, society would never accept it... I'd be given a label, I'd be treated differently... I have already been. A small torture in hell, fabricated by a lie all my #life, created by society. There's those who would accept me, but if everyone knew my secret, they wouldn't. If I was me, I wouldn't be accepted simply because of how I was born, whereas others would. So I went to bed that night... As me, in my mind, and not just my heart... I went to bed as me. One day, maybe I can be me out in the open. I can not worry about what others will think. I wish for that day... The day, I can wake up as who I am outside, and not just inside. I wish... I wish... I wished as I did every other night, I had. I learned who I was, and I am happy. This is my secret... A secret I'm scared to tell anyone. I know my family won't accept me. We already have rough ties, and they will never speak to me again if I told them... Nor most of the people I have to be around, either. I have to keep my secret, inside. My secret... My secret...