THE AD-DRESSING OF CATS by T.S. Eliot You’ve read of sev­er­al kinds of Cat, And my opin­ion now is that You should need no inter­preter To under­stand their char­ac­ter. You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other peo­ple whom we find Pos­sessed of var­i­ous types of mind. For some are same and some are mad And some are good and some are bad And some are bet­ter, some are worse – But all may be described in verse. You’ve seen them both at work and games, And learnt about their prop­er names, Their habits and their habi­tat: But How would you ad-dress a Cat? So first, your mem­o­ry I’ll jog, And say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG. Now Dogs pre­tend they like to fight; They often bark, more sel­dom bite; But yet a Dog is, on the whole, What you would call a sim­ple soul. Of course I’m not includ­ing Pekes, And such fan­tas­tic canine freaks. The usual Dog about the Town Is much inclined to play the clown, And far from show­ing too much pride Is fre­quent­ly undig­ni­fied. He’s very eas­i­ly taken in – Just chuck him under­neath the chin Or slap his back or shake his paw, And he will gam­bol and guf­faw. He’s such an easy-going lout, He’ll answer any hail or shout. Again I must remind you that A Dog’s a Dog — A CAT’S A CAT. With Cats, some say, one rule is true: Don’t speak till you are spo­ken to. Myself, I do not hold with that - I say, you should ad-dress a Cat. But always keep in mind that he Resents famil­iar­i­ty. I bow, and tak­ing off my hat, Ad-dress him in this form: O CAT! But if he is the Cat next door, Whom I have often met before (He comes to see me in my flat) I greet him with an OOPSA CAT! I’ve heard them call him James Buz-James – But we’ve not got so far as names. Before a Cat will con­de­scend To treat you as a trust­ed friend, Some lit­tle token of esteem Is need­ed, like a dish of cream; And you might now and then sup­ply Some caviare, or Strass­burg Pie, Some pot­ted grouse, or salmon paste – He’s sure to have his per­son­al taste. (I know a Cat, who makes a habit Of eat­ing noth­ing else but rab­bit, And when he’s fin­ished, licks his paws So’s not to waste the onion sauce.) A Cat’s enti­tled to expect These evi­dences of respect. And so in time you reach your aim, And final­ly call him by his NAME. So this is this, and that is that: And there’s how you AD-DRESS A CAT.