Short Story Please note that this is about 13,000 words, I Do not know how long it will take to read. It was initially started as a novel, but have hit a bit of a block and it's just sitting gathering dust, so would like to know what people think. Constructive criticism welcome, but don't be unessecierly harsh if you just don't like it. Many thanks and I hope you enjoy. Morgan Fae X ------------------------------------------------------------------ It was a cold, cold evening. The kind of cold that manages to seep through all those warm layers and send a chill right into your very bones. Alone she walked, her coat being blown about by the wind that seemed to hide around every corner, bringing the bitter chill with it. A well worn wollen scarf around her neck, pulled up over the bottom half of her face, trying to maintain a little warmth, and stop the cold chilling her breath in this god awful weather. Through the streets she walked, aware of the people passing her but unable to summon the energy to care anything about it. The night after was always the worst. Her energy drained and no sustenance to replace that she had lost. There was no time to worry about that now however. There were more important things on her mind. **************** I always hate the night after a change. It always feels like the worst hangover of your #life with none of the drinking and all of the memory. The memory of the pain.Thats never something you get used to. The strain of your body compacting,shifting itself into another shape give the even the most zen person reason to hate the world for its cruelty. It always feels unnatural for the first couple of hours, no matter how you try to shake it off. Going for a run was apparently the tried and tested old wifes tale, though others preffered to root through dustbins and indulge in such degrading activities. I hated that. Tried it the once, and just found it utterly degrading. Just because i'm squashes into another body on a temporary basis doesnt mean i have to act like an animal. But i suppose it was the way i was brought up.i learned that the hard way. But my parents are long gone, and i've been doing this for longer than i care to admit. ****************** It was so long ago and yet i remember it like it was yesterday. I came from a middle class family, and we had friends in high places. My family no doubt would have married me off in a short amount of time, to produce copious amounts of children to the whims of some chavanistic man to die miserable and for the most part, alone. So when an invitation came to explore what they were calling 'the new world' i took the chance and got away as fast as i could. Firstly let me explain my situation. My father was part of the kings council, though by no means one of the most important and certinaly not the most well heard. My father was a very logical man, with very sound ideas, but a bit too forward thinking for his time. He saw the logic in science, in exploring. However things were to be studied, not to be interfered with. People didn't understand that. Anything found was theirs by right,whether or not people already resided there. And when you added the possiblity of wealth from the land into it, there was no dissuading them from such action. The inviation was meant for my brother. I was one of the middle children of half a dozen children, of no particular importance since i was neither one of the eldest or the youngest, and due to my gender of no particular importance to my family at all. My mothers only interest in me was to marry me off to an 'available suitor' which basically meant to marry me off to the richest son of a bitch i could find regardless of wheather or not i actually liked the creep. The lastest 'suitor' was the worst of them all. Son of some lord who not doubt brought his title and his land generations back in order to impress somebody and to get laid, no doubt. And this guy seemed to think it was his god given right to walk all over any human being he so desired and bed whoever he wanted, but apparently mommy and daddy decided it was time he settled down and produced legitimate children instead of bastard sons. I hated him with a passion. And then my mother told me i was getting married, and i knew i had to get out. *********** My mother was my polar oppisite. I found her irritating at best, very concerned with her apperance, her social circle, and like any good socialite, she loved to throw her superiority around and gossip. I found out through others. My mother didn't even give me the decency of telling me herself. There was only one thing i inherited from my mother, and that was my temper. And not being even given the luxury of finding out about my engagement from my own family, i was fuming. ***************** The fight we had that night nearly tore the house down. My father begging reason for both of us, and the housekeeping knew better than to interrupt us in on of our fights. My brothers and sisters stayed out of it too. The only one crazy enough to try to interviene was my father. Everyone else was too sensible to put themselves in the way of flying objects. My side of the conversation generally consisted with me hating her guts, she saying she wished she'd never given birth to me, my father protesting to the other we never meant what we said. Me and my mother had been playing this game for years, and every word of it was true. I was doomed to marry a pig who my mother chose to increase her social standing and elevate her sense of purpose. Better yet she would be rid of me, the daughter she never loved in the first place, and at a bonus to her. It was that night i decided to leave this country, so i bided my time and waited. ***************** The promise of the new world came a week later. Preprations were being made for my wedding due to take place in 2 weeks. My groom-to-be was continuing his 'playboy' antics right up until the wedding it seemed. Not that i cared. I had no desire to live in thr same house as the slimeball, much less have sex with him. But despite all the bravdo and indifference, i was getting desperate. I needed to leave this country in order to get away, but at the time London was the centre of the world, and it was almost impossible to leave. *********** "They are sending a group of brave young men and their families to a new world, my boy. And you will be among them. Riches there among your wildest dreams apparently, and you will be among them. The first ship leaves the port in 2 days time, and you will be on it. And return to this land a rich man. Perhaps even richer than your old man,eh?! And you will then return to have your pick of the finest women in the land. I tell you, my boy, this is the oppertunity of a #lifetime. A new world!" It wasn't unusual for me to eavesdrop on conversations between my father and my younger brother. He was the only son left within the household, as my older brothers left some years ago when they were married to some women of higher social standing than them, since all my mother cared about was the money and thr power marring off her children brought her. I had no idea if she even loved my father, or that she just sought the oppertunity vigourisly. I know my mother had not had the most fortuitius of beginnings, however that didn't seem to stop her acting like a middle class snob. Of course,my mother was loathe to reliquinsh her 'sweet little baby boy' to the new world, but you could see the gold adding up behind her eyes, and the advantages it would bring the 'family' as a whole. Hearing this news, however,i was estatic. I would be on that ship for the new world in 2 days if it killed me, because if i wasn't, i might as well be. ************* The ship we were to sail on was called the discovery, and this new world was over an expanse of thousands of miles of water, and some sailors claimed you dropped off the edge of the earth before you reached it. No one had ever been there, however, just heard stories of the riches that lay in this new promised land. They were calling it the Americas. Apparently those Spanyards had tried to take over the country some years earlier, but brought death and disease with them, and after an unsuccessful fight with the remaing natives who had not died of the spanyards diseases, they fled the country with their tail between there legs, with no sign of the fabled gold that lay in the ground there. The purpose of the british expedition was to find said gold and claim it for king a country. I personally thought King james was a little too well fed and had not left his palace in long enough to see the true state London was in, but then he kept my father on his council, and there had been rumours around the court that he had been seen on several instencies with my mother in close contact, around the time she got preganant with my little sister. No doubt keeping that little secret to herself was rather well paid and kept my mother in all that ridiculous finery she so enjoyed, though my mother was never to know i knew such tales. I enjoyed walking round the docks at night and on occasion, in the palace upon occasional nights, always in masquerade and under a false name so that my mother and father may never suspect of my presence. Apparently i lacked the finer skills to present myself formally at court, possibly given to my lack of tolerance for people in general. ***************** So within those 2 days i spent much time down at the dockyards at night, gathering the rumours about this new world. I also spent much time tracking items nessecery to my disguise to get on board. Though the wifes and children were to join the men of this voyage 6 months after we landed in the new world, no women were allowed on the first voyage. I order to get on this ship i would have to leave all those fine dresses and such at home, which didn't lament me in the slightest. I was to only take my new guise and a few personal possessions, and perhaps some of my more expensive jewellry to pay off any suspecting enquirers as to my real gender and so they didn't alert my presenence to my brother. I also purchased an item of a tailor in order to keep my breasts covered and my chest flat, since that was the only part of me should give me away upon sight, it hurt like hell to wear, but i was willing to put up with any physical pain so long as i was sailing away on the discovery at dawn tomorrow. **************** Back at home i gathered my personal affects, some jewels of no particular sentimental value, a small stuffed teddy given to me by my oldest brother when i was 4 years old for my birthday, the week before he left to get married and i never saw him again. Worn with age and love, it had been a source of comfort to me through the years, and i was not to leave it behind. I also had a small dagger i had intended to give to my younger brother for his 18th birthday, but since he was to reach this age in the new world and i would to his knowledge still be living in London, there was no sense leaving it to waste when such a thing could come in useful. My last effect was a small silver ring given to me by a childhood friend, my only friend until my mother declared that she and her family were far too lower class for her liking and i never saw her again. I was 12, and i cried that night like i had never cried before, or have cried since. Itwas that night i resolved never to become like my mother, and vowed that i would break her sway over me one way or another, creating an indiffernce and independent personality my mother had come to loathe so much. I suppose i have known for a long while that this ending was coming for me, but lacked any way out to do anything about it. ***************** Looking in the mirror above my basin, i looked at myself like this because it was the last time i would ever see myself as such. My face was rather angular in apperance, giving me a boyish edge to me, but my pale white skin offset by my pale green eyes, set off by flecks of gold. My only thing softening my apperancr to make me more womanly was my hair. The rest of my figure was fairly toned, and i was always a head above the other ladies at court. However, my dark hair cascaded down my back almost to my waist, falling in soft waves as it had been brushed by my maid, small ringlets framing my face. It was cruical to my getaway that i not be regonised as girl, so i took the sharpened dagger blade, and cut it off just above my chin. I had always loved my hair, and to due such a thing to it almost brought me to tears, but i continued to work, shortening my hair, until it was in curtains around my face, and set about readying myself for the journey tomorrow. I bathed, donned my disguise and with my effects, went off my balcony and into the night. ******************* Come dawn next day the port was heaving with activity. The ship was being loaded with stores, wepons and shovels, nesscery for the finding of the kings gold. Sailors and tearful wifes and children giving thier goodbyes to their fathers, not knowing if or when they would ever see them again, though these families would be joining these men in the next crossing, but a new world was a dangerous one, and it remained to be seen how promising the new world would actually be. My father, mother and sister were wishing goodbyes to my brother,my mother making a fantastic spectacle of herself as always, sobbing very loudly and professing how much she would miss him. My father was much more discreet in his goodbyes, taking my brother to one side and having a few quiet words. I loved my father, despite his marriage to my mother,and was the only parent with any voice of reason. Though we had grown apart in recent years, i would miss him. His hair and beard were starting to grey, giving him a sophisicated look, and though he would always be a well built man he had lost some of his spark for #life in the years gone by, and his skin was starting to grey. He gave my brother his undivided attention for a few moments, and then after getting my brother to nod in agreement to something, embraced him for a few moments when he thought no one was watching. A single tear slid down my cheek, sad that i didn't get to say my goodbyes to my father, and knew he would never hug me like that again, and due to his age i would never see him again. My brother then went and knelt infront of my youngest sister, dressed like a doll, with her fine skin and fair hair, with a formal dress on and a small hat, when she threw her arms around him and starting sobbing, tears running down her cheeks in streams, heartbroken that she was losing her favorite playmate and her constant compainion. My brother just held her until she quitened, then hugged her, and then gave her a single kiss on the forehead, then smiling at her,probably saying he would keep in touch and that he would see her again upon his return. "well lad, are you getting on this ship or not? Can't believe the young-uns they're sending our way nowerdays " The booming voice at my back startled me so much so that i turned round in haste, no doubt white as a sheet, eyes wide. It caused the owner of the voiceto send out a roaring laugh, and bear of a man. Nearly as tall as he was wide,with a large stomach and muscled arms, darkened with ink from his exploits, a round face, with a full beard and long hair, conveyed a cheeful disposition, apparent by the creases around his eyes and mouth. "startled yeah did i? You're need a stronger nerve than that my boy fir where we're goin. Y're need yer wits 'bout ya too. Now yet on board befir i change me mind and throw yer over deck before we leave port" Flabbergasted and still in shock, i just nodded vigerously and practically ran on board, leaving the giant man laughing in my wake. ****************** The ship was dirty and full of rats. The cats had apparently grown lazy with more food than they could catch, and men were never the cleanest of creatures under any circumstance. The food was stale, the mead was strong, and much of the first week of the voyage passed by me in a blur. I was scripted to the rudders,rowing our way across the ridiuclous expanse of water. The hug man i had encountered on shore was the captain, and though he was good-tempered and fair he expected the best from his men, and his men gave it. The work was hard and painful, made no easier but that riduliculous instrument around my midriff, and developed blisters on every inch of my hands and around my torso from the movent that was keeping me disguised as a man. The smell was unbelivable, sweat and waste permating much of the ship. I managed to stay out of my brothers eye, he was thankfully kept discracted by the captain in order to ensure we stayed on course and discussing settlement plans. The area were were to settle in was to be named jamestown after 'our mighty king', who was of course to reap the rewards for the mens efforts in the new world. The first week dissapperee in an instant, and i began feeling confident that my guise was fooling the captain and the crew, but kept a low profile just incase. The voyage was going well, however, i would have been mistaken to think my #life wasn't going to be altered forever. ***************** It happened one night on my way to that stale rot we called dinner after my shift on the rudders. Hungry and exhausted, i stumbled up the stairs, grabbed my food and my mead, and began my plan to drink myself into oblivion. On my way i crashed into another sailor, which woke me from my daydreaming and rather upset that my meal was spoiled. "sorry mate, i didn't see you there" collecting my food on my hands and knees my temper was beginning to boil. "watch where you're bloody going next time, you buffon!" standing up , i turned to give whoever it was the full feel of my wrath, and got the wind knocked out of me. *************** Skin darkened with the sun, and his hair was just light enough to have been bleached by his travels by sea. Dark eyes that seemed to carry the weight of the world within them, and a smile that would woo the most miserable girls. He had stubble just lining his face, long enough to look soft to the touch. " i'm sorry man, i didn't mean to hit into you. My mind must have been somewhere else" Struggling to recover some of my previous venom, stuttering a reply. "uummm...well you spoiled my meal. That was my rations for tonight." "how about you share some of mine? It's the least i can do conisdering i knocked yours all over the floor. Sorry...err, what's your name?" The only thing i hadn't prepared for. A name. Shit. " errr... Thomas" "well Thomas, i'll go get my rations now and we'll split em. Hold on here a while" so i waited, trying to recover my breath and my common sense. Yes this man was attractive, but surly he must not like women, because i was a man, and no man must be that nice to another without being flexible about who he took to bed. Moments later, he returned, 2 plates and 2 mead jugs in hand, and offered me one of each. Feeling rather off balance, i just grabbed one of each and turned away to go eat in peace, muttering a quick word of thanks. "you sure you don't fancy some company while you eat? You look like the kinda guy to have a conversation with" defiently flexible. "why?" "why what?" "why do you want to sit and eat with me? No one seems to give a shit around her, and i generally keep to myself, so why do you want to eat with me? Sorry, i am not that way inclined." Misunderstanding came across his face "god i get fed up with this. I'm one of the settlement planners. I know the cook pretty well so every once in a while i get a bigger ration than i should. So i got you food to apolgize and this is how you thank me? You think i lie with men? I could have you overboard for this. I pull some weight with the captain" Well now i felt like the prize idiot, and the threat of being thrown overboard didn't sit well with me. "shit, look, i'm sorry. It's just no one has been this nice to me since i got on here. I didn't trust it. But if it shows you i am sorry, sure, i'll eat with you" ***************** "you seem rather well spoken for a sailor" Too much mead, a full stomach and company had muddled my brain. " well, you see, i'm actually a middle class boy who has run away from home, the sea beckoned to me!!!" stood up on the chair, flung my arms wide, and grinning like a lunatic. "sit yourself down people will think you're queer, acting like that" "QUEER? Well how very dare you!!! I will have you know i smell just as bad as the rest of you." "oh charming. Now sit yourself down Thomas before you get a kick in the teeth" Crashing into the chair, a big grin on my face, i hadn't had this much fun in years. "so, my new friend, what may your name be? Cause i don't think mr settlement man has got an good ring to it. Unless you disagree, of course" "My god, of course! Where are my manners? Not that theres much call for them in present enviroment" "hey! I take offense at that" "present company excluded, of course." he stood up and mocked taking of a hat rather flamboyantly, and rather unsuccessfully, which had me aching with laughter, and in a gentlemans voice exlaimed "my name, good sire, is Antony Harris, 3rd son of Lord and Lady Harris from Cumbria. However, i have not lived there for some years" "How many?" "20. My parents sent me to live with my uncle and aunt in the city so that i may recieve 'a gentlemens education'. The education was successful. Thr gentlemen however, remains elusive" " And what of your ladyship?" "Alas, i have no ladyship, for the open seas and the promise of a new world was far too exciting for such droll matters to occur" "ok. I give up. I can't take that voice anymore" "what voice? Curling the ends of an imaginery mustache. "seriously, i think i may just piss myself if you carry on" "What gentleman-like behaviour" " That's coming from you" ************** Most of the night passed in this same fashion. Laughing, jesting, and good conversation. The memory of the anger i felt towards him had all but been forgotten. Not only was he handsome, but smart, and, contrary to protest, a gentlemen in behavior. Not well bred enough for my mother, but just rugged enough to have real charm. I was in deep, deep trouble. **************** We spent most evenings like that from then on, meeting for dinner, drinking and talking and laughing late into the night, then i would sleep short then return to the rudders, to meet again in the same fashion aftetwards. The more i knew of him, the more infatuated i became, and the worse my anguish. I longed to tell him of my secret, but knew to tell of such things was to risk death at the other members of the crue, not to mention the shame of my brother and our family. Regardless of my disguise, i was brought up to look after the family repuation, regardless of consequence. I am sure there was rumours among the crew of our 'special friendship' but they took mind nevet to mention it in my presence and i had ceased carinv anyway. I was not the middle class girl from London, i was a working class sailor, and the freedom of it was like nothing i had ever tasted before. ******************** I could have stayed on that ship forever, however the promise of the new world beckoned and land was inveitable. I remember the day, May 14th, when we finally set our feet upon the promised land. It was just a week until my 20th birthday, though no one besides me knew of this fact. The knowledge of this weighted heavy on my heart, since i knew of what would change, and i would be on my own again. Antony knew of my dislike of being around others, and said he would see whag he could do to resolve such an issue. Though it would be easier to conceal my true nature now that we were upon land, i was still loathe to part from the ship. Though i would not miss the smell . ****************** The main walls of the settlement were constructed within days, the crew working and eating on the land and returning to the quarters at night. Since most of the settlers had families, houses began construction, felling the forest of many trees in the process. I did not see Antony except in passing, and he was always in the company of the captain or my brother,and did not acknowledge my presence. I was alone again. ************** Once the trees had been felled for the settlement, which required every member of the crew, i was set onto part of the hunting team, helping to gather game for the cook. It was months since any of us had eaten fresh meat, so the promise of fresh game on our plates was met with eager anticipation. However, the game we were hunting was much different to those we had ever enountered in our #lifetime, and some not so foriegn as we suspected. There was plentiful amounts of game, and we had much to eat for quite some time to come. At night, though,we heard strange noises. A howling noise, like that of a dog, but far more feral. Tales of giant beast, with dark fur, short legs, long claws, and huge teeth. Scavengers who came at night, with a black stripe across it's face, and a funny striped tail. There were strange looking creatures, each more unique and different than the last. The howling creature never appeared, though sang it's song every night, sometimes joined by others in its song. ...