Desire He was there today. Of course he was. He was next to me. Behind me. In front of me. When he's there, he's everywhere. He's in my head. We play these games, and it's so sickening what we do to each other. What he does to me. He makes me weak and I'm disgusted with myself because of it. I want to be strong, I tell myself I'm strong. But I'm not. Oh, why do I want him so? I don't want to want him. I want to hate him. I want to be able to hurt him. But he's only hurting me. We've never talked. Only words, not actual sentences. My best friend asks why. I say I'm scared of him. She says I shouldn't lust for him if I'm scared of him. But I'm not, it's something different, something I just can't explain. I'm not scared of him, I'm scared of what's inside of him. Everybody has their demons, but there's something more, like the demon controls a half of him, like sometimes he just can't control it. I want to be able to help him, but how? It's the dark places that scare me. It's the dark places that toy with me, not him. His dark places. I want to hate him for toying with me. I don't want to feel for him anymore. But how do you unfeel? How do you get rid of a craving so intense it eats at your soul? You can't.