The One Who Finds Them Before I start, I must warm people, this post is an incredibly distressing read. Not to beat about the bush, it's primary topic is suicide, and more prominently focused on suicide prevention. If you have ever felt suicidal in your #life, if you are feeling that way right this very moment as your eyes take in these words and give them to your soul, this is an important read for you. If however you've lost someone to suicide who was very close to you, this post could work either way. You may find it helpful; you may find it painful. Just so you know, if you read on, you may find what you read very upsetting. A lot of people who contemplate suicide always think to themselves "I wish I could just close me eyes and never wake up". You ever thought that? Be honest? Why do you think that? Because it's painless. You've been through enough emotional pain as it is, and the last thing you want is to suffer physical pain. So you might start looking for a painless suicide method. Let me cut to the chase: there is no such thing as painless suicide. Various methods of execution may not hurt - but whether you like to believe it or not, there are people out there who love you. There are people out there who love and care about you so much their world is gonna come crashing down when they learn the news that you decided to take your own #life. This is a story about a friend of mine who committed suicide last year. To keep their situation as private as possible, I'm going to call her Tracy. She had a twin sister - let's call her Louise. Her mother - let's call her Rachel. And her Farther - let's call him Bob. I'm not going to go into the circumstances behind why Tracy took her own #life. All you need to do is hear the story and it might just save you. Tracy came home from college on the 30th of March 2012 and hung herself. Her sister Louise was the one to find her. Just think about that for a moment. When you decided to take you own #life, someone will find you, and that person will be someone who loves you. Their last memory of you is going to be them holding your #lifeless body in their arms and praying with every broken fibre of their being for all the special times they had with you to be given back. They won't be heartbroken - the pain they'll feel will be much worse. It doesn't even have a name, as there are no words that can justifiably articulate what Louise felt when she found Tracy hanging. People just use the word "heartbroken" when really and truly it's a cruel masterpiece in understatement. Louise now has to go for the rest of her #life knowing that Tracy is never going to be walking through the door again, they're never going to touch each others hand again, they're never going to have those special conversations only sisters have again, and that memory of finding Tracy is going to haunt her until her dying breath. You ever wondered why in executions they put a bag over the head of the person they're hanging? Ask Louise. She looked at her sisters face, blue from oxygen and blood starvation, tongue bulging and dangling out of her precious lips, eyelids barely open with the eyes turned away to the sclera. The beautiful eyes she once looked in and felt nothing but love, the beautiful mouth that once muttered words of complete sanctuary and happiness, the beautiful face that once lit up any room she walked into. She knows she will never see her sister the way she loved her again, and that's just the tip of the Iceberg. At Tracy's funeral, her mother and farther blame themselves. Her farther walked his daughter down the isle in a cold wooden box rather than a pretty white wedding dress. Her mother recalls the day Tracy and Louise emerged from her womb, and she held them both and promised she would protect them from whatever #life would throw their way. Tracy is now lying in a coffin, about to be lowered into a hole in the ground. Her friends and family stare in disbelief at what they're witnessing: the beautiful person that they loved has gone. They ask themselves why it happened and what could they have done? That's the thing with suicide - it is always preventable. This is what makes us stand over the grave and feel like a failure. She was our friend - why weren't we there for her when she need us most? As I write this, it's the 27th of March 2013. The events that caused Tracy to take her own #life had happened on this day last year. A year ago from the day I'm writing this, she only had 3 days to live. That's a very painfully thought for me, as it is for all her friends and family. When I sit here and think of how unfair the world is, it makes me very upset. There are so many bastards out there, causing horrific amounts of pain and suffering to innocent people - and yet there are people as beautiful and kind hearted as Tracy who're born into a world which 18 and a half years later makes them feel so low, they take their own #life. What would the world be like if God would allow us to trade in all the people that bring nothing but misery for all the people that brought nothing but joy? A much better place. The pain of knowing you're too late and you're never going to get a second chance is one of the most horrible feelings there is. Whatever it is that you're going through, you can get past it. You may feel like you have nothing left - but we're all stronger than we ever thought we could be. Write down how you feel; it'll help. If you feel the need to let a tear or two drop, then do so. You are never alone, you are never unthought of, and you are never unloved.