The Date That Turned Me Into A Complete Moron So I went out on a date last night. Yes people I actually went out on a date. Now for those of you that know me are well aware of how I feel when it comes to dating, and boys blah blah blah. I never ever chat up boys unless Im drunk, and then usually get bored after five minutes. I'm a bit mental so tend to scare many a boy away quite quickly. I like to think that I am too busy to have time for relationships, I think it may well be just laziness on my part. I don't do relationships because of all the effort involved. Plus previous relationships have been awful... Hang on no let me get this correct. They have been so fucking awful that I've considered being a nun, I soon rectified this thought however when I realised that my boobs in a habit would not exactly be a match made in heaven. Much like me and boys. Its not that I hate boys. I in fact love boys in all their glory. the way they look, smell, feel, all that sort of other girly stuff, but the though of being in a relationship with one, well frankly it just freaks me the fuck out. I have been asked out on dates before, and I've said yes before. What I tend to do next is the thing that all my friends tell me off for... I cancel the date. I know I know!! I don't know why I do it but I do. Fear of not liking them? fear of them not liking me? being a total knobhead? All of the above. See how the last thought has no question mark? Its because its not a question. That's because I think I already know the answer before the date has even happened. No Charlotte you are not psychic, psychotic maybe but most definitely not psychic. This time however I didn't cancel..... I've known this boy since I was about seventeen. I'm thirty three now. I used to fancy the pants of this boy like you wouldn't believe, I was quite shy and never did dare tell him that I liked him. I thought that he was way to cool to fancy me. He was Italian, dark hair, dark eyes, tall - just gorgeous! Then there was me. Bright red hair, huge platforms, and a personality that would worry any psychiatrist. It was safe to say that I thought that he would never look at me twice. He didn't. Not until a few years later that is when I saw him in a nightclub, I was quite drunk so was feeling all brave and cooler than a penguins bum. Oh yeah I was the shizzle that night! We had a cheeky little snog until my friend told him off for kissing me and dragged me away!! Bye bye tall dark and handsome bye bye!! I had not heard from the tall dark and handsome one until recently. There I was doodling around on Facebook as you do when a message pops up. Imagine my surprise when it was him!! We chatted for a while about stuff we had both been up to, you know small talk. He asked me out for lunch but I was in the middle of uni work so we never got around to meeting up. Anyway the chat continued and before long he decided to tell me that he used to fancy me, and I mean really fancy me. What the fuck!!?? Gobsmacked speechless, dumbfounded, a tiny bit excited... woah hang on there a tiny bit excited?? I needed a quick word with myself. 'Right Charlotte sort your head out now you silly girl' However the chat continued, and I dont know how he did it but he managed to wangle my number out of me, he must have used some sort of weird Derren Brown mind trickery on me, as I never give my number out. Another word was seriously needed, but this time of a more stern nature. 'Right you silly bitch watch this Italian one, he is a smoothie - stay alert' We played some serious text tennis, so much so that the battery on my phone began to cry at the sheer abuse and battery (ha battery!!) it was receiving. A date was finally set for us to go out. Bear in mind that I hadn't seen the tall dark and handsome one since I was a mere eighteen or nineteen. He had obviously seen pictures of me on Facebook, but photos can lie, hello Photoshop! Plus what if this memory that he had of me from way back when was one of those Rose tinted ones? and when he finally met up with me again he was not just disappointed but completely horrified? All this ran through my tiny little mind at such an alarming rate that I needed to sit down. No what I needed was a fag. So there I sat smoking and a thinking. Thinking and a smoking. Obviously the thinking part wasn't on par that day as not once did I think to cancel the date. What the hell was wrong with me? What did that mean? Why the hell aren't cigarettes longer? So on the date I went and well it was.... it was.... lovely! I had a really really brilliant time! I just enjoyed the night very much. That is until he dropped me off at home. That's when it all went Pete Tong. I turned into the biggest idiot this side of The Only Way Is Essex. I'm not normally stupid but I knew it was the end of the night and that a goodnight kiss was looming in the air, but who would make the first move? Tall dark and handsome or me? Arrrggghhhh the pressure!!! Tall dark and handsome was talking about the colour Rosso (did I mention he is Italian?) its goes like this..... Me -' Ah so you mean like Martini Rosso?' Him -' No like the colour' (just for the record I normally know Rosso means red, just not at this moment, I was nervous.) Me - 'Its a colour? Well its not like I speak Italian, so it means Red?' Him - 'Well what do you think Bianco means?' (I normally know what Bianco means too) Me - (A really really long pause)' Aaaaah it means white doesn't it?! Its weird that because its not like Martini Rosso is a red drink is it?' ( It is a red drink, I know this, I work in a bar for crying out loud!) At this point he burst out laughing and told me I was a cutie. A friggen idiot more like. I decided on that bombshell to quit while I was ahead and go. So I sort of mumbled that I was going and leant in for a kiss with one hand on the door handle, so I could make a quick exit just in case he jumped away in horror. He didn't. We had a lovely lovely kiss and off I skipped home. Yes I skipped. Shut up it was nice, so there. We have spoken since, and some exceedingly brilliant text messages have been exchanged. Date number two has been arranged. I've a bit of jaw ache if I'm honest from all the smiling. What the fuck is wrong with me? Tall dark and handsome I blame you, just you wait till I see you next you are getting a big fat... kiss.