Goodbye Knowing I'd never see you again, I let myself take my time and made sure we could be alone. But I caved, and only wrote a note to suggest my feelings and what you do to me and my cowardice has left me feeling regretful, yet also mature. It takes a rather large amount of self-control and understanding of what's important in #life to restrain oneself from baring all emotion... Especially to someone who's in another relationship while you yourself are in one as well. I'll miss him, everything about him and it'll kill me inside. There's nothing I can do about it. Our paths will never cross again unless by mere chance. I will never see his face again or hear his voice. What would've been will always remain at that, and nothing more. Leaving each other tonight proved difficult, for us both I could tell. He seemed to not want to let me go. The instant I finished my final essay he struck up a conversation and locked me in it until we had to part ways. I told him of how amazing he is, how I've never enjoyed myself more than in his presence so to speak and he, he told me I was an absolute pleasure to have met. We spoke of everything. We summed up our lives. We walked into the night together, talking as we used to. I'll miss him. It breaks my heart, but I'll miss him. So I'll say goodbye Dr. Jeffrey Paxton. Goodbye to the most wonderful man I've met to date. You are everything I wish I would be lucky enough to call my own and everything I can only hope to deserve. I'll miss you and hold you close to my heart and forever remember you. Goodbye love. I mean this in the most honest way... I love you. Deeply and truly. I love you. Goodbye.

Developments Torturously beautiful. Unassumingly handsome and filled with such intoxicating passion... I don't know if he tries to avoid my gaze but he does a terrible job of it. He tells me I have a knack of memorable phrases and that my writing is beautiful. I have nothing in response but sighs and smiles. He kisses me with compliments, and yet it's a wonder why I have not made myself known.

Dismantled In a single breath, the adoration and ardent love I dare say, the hope and fantasy, all of it, was dismantled. It seemed a flawed creation, this obsession. It knew it had no basis. Yet being void of purpose only aided in the disappointment of its destruction. His heart belongs to another. The doe-eyed stares, tensions and innuendos. The glances and struggling breaths. They were empty. And now, with insurmountable melancholy and listlessness, I refrain. Out of respect, I must. I cannot allow, must not allow my urges to take control and bare my damaged soul. I must yield to morality. Respect him and her and... them. His strides matched my own as we strolled slowly into the night. It was as if my newfound knowledge had little affect on our coming and goings. We spoke of things as usual, of myself. How am I. How is #life. It was as though I didn't know what he had just divulged within earshot. As we neared our parting he barely stopped walking as if he almost expected me to continue alongside. I waited... We hurriedly wished each other a good night. He glanced at my ride and a flutter of surprise, an inkling of a let down permeated the air between us through his gaze. I smiled, knowing full well he had felt what I had just felt. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the hope I had began building itself up again. Passionately and hopeful. Our eyes, locked in tension, hesitated. Remained... appropriate albeit our minds wandered. This I knew for myself, and his eyes well, his eyes gave him away. Would they again at our next passing? I wait.

The Appointment I put on my red lipstick, in hopes he would notice. A defined Cupid's bow and full, deep red velvet lips were sure to showcase. He stammered when I entered the room, fumbling over his words as though they tripped on their way out. I smiled and let myself breathe as he, mesmerized, forced himself to talk business as usual. I couldn't quite keep focus as he pushed his glasses up and began. We went back and forth as two might do on a dinner date. It seemed so perfect until... Of course. Time was up and his next appointment awaited, annoyingly impatient and rummaging through his things as if I had already left. He could hardly say goodnight, but it had to be done. I walked beneath the beautiful street lights and listened to "si tu vois ma mère" and deliriously strolled... Thinking of him.

Clear Nights Beneath the dimming streetlight amidst the clarity of night I stood drowning in it. Drowning in perverse thought and perfect fantasy, I stood there. The man walked past as he would, I knew, and waved me goodnight with a smile. Upon the next evening to which we met I found myself yearning to be near him, to be touched and held. I turned in my head, over and over thoughts of being his and him mine. As I caught a passing glance I chased my breath from my chest and returned the gaze. Even without thought I showed the pleasure in my expression: without fear without rationale and without shame. At twilight's passing I again gave myself away as I lounged in his presence. Seemingly unwilling to let me leave he struck conversation whenever I advanced towards the door. Almost as instantaneously as my hand would graze the handle he would continue on about me. Walking together and reveling in one another's presence we maintained throughout the night. His hand passed over mine while he, knowing I had prior engagements, brushed his curved lips across my fingers. "Goodnight." He bade me well. Speechless again I stood beneath the street lamp. Immovable. Untouchable. Infatuated beyond reason or possibility of escape. I stood beneath and waited for the next night to come.