#depression - The Killer Surrounded by love, I think. Yet I feel so cold on the inside. Surrounded by material things. But these mean nothing to me. Nothing, because I'm swamped in the dark, And people say I've lost my spark. But that ran from me, long ago. And now I'm a nothing, nothing that you would know. So how can I return, from this lost, lonely ark? Where there's no one to lean on, and no to ask. How can i pull myself up from this drain? I'm unsure if I can, due to the pain. I'm a lost wondering figure, Roaming but not free. Someone pull the trigger... And perhaps then we'll see... Beauty and sparks' in all their eyes, For they were getting tired too. Of all her needs, being thrust on them. Well, now they've nothing to lose. Just one man, looking worn beyond his years. Crouching by her grave, holding back his tears. He is one who cannot rest, for he has lost his all, his partner, his girl. He has lost, everything now, his world. Who pulled the trigger and ended this #life? Was it a murder or was it a suicide? The coroner said, they could not decide, But were more inclined to believe, That a murder had occurred. The girl had died, the others were fine. But the partner could not rest. For #depression it seemed was the killer. And now the world was less.

Here, Again. I'm here, again, 'Tis no suprise. When the days got longer, Absent became my eyes. I'm here, again, This hospital bed is familiar. And people ask why but, There really is no trigger. I'm here, again, Drowning in the sadness of my existence. Never does it seem to cease, The Forces are beligerent. I'm here, again, The Forces brought me. I had no choice in why, how or who. I am fading, no destiny. I'm here, again, And it feels as if there's no way out, Except a million mls morphine, To kill this searing pain. I'm here, again, But maybe not tomorrow. For I'm so very tired of fighting, Amd I've reached a new level of low.

My Uneventful Ending Fed up, and sad about things... Sitting on a ragged sofa, (that was new last week) in a slouched pose. Slouched, like the world, waiting for something positive to change this ugly core. Nothing seems to occur. Nothing makes a difference. Im just a blank canvas, and nothing will ever be painted beautifully. Except a slight sunrise and bluebirds at dawn, painted when the time comes... For my uneventful ending.

My #life Vs Yours I have scars. I have wounds: some of them open. I have turmoil. I have anger: mostly taken out on my own skin - a broken mirror, a can, a tin. I have fear of spiders but I fear people more. I have issues. I have difficulties accepting myself. I don’t believe in a light at the end of the tunnel. I see whats there to see.. The truth, reality - best friends crying, committing suicide, dying. I see what happened to me as a kid: shouting & screaming over the wrong I did; picking up the pieces after being violated. I love the thought of peace after dying, the thought of creating a river from my tears… An outlet from all my painful years. I see no harm in trying, but what they’re all doing is lying… They say one day we’ll grow wings and fly away from all these deadly things. But I’ve been here for so long in this trap. I’ve only ceased to exist. It won’t be long before I need more stitches to my worn out wrist. I love. I hate. I deliberate. I try. I fight. I take plight. But never do I succeed. For me, the success is in bleeding. And forever this is how ill be feeling. So when you look at me, and all you see is stupidity… Think of these words, my sincerity. My aim is to fly. To reach the sky. Heaven is my goal. Whilst yours may be a marriage or a child or three… My #life is soiled for eternity - because of what someone else did to me. Think again before you assume that my #life is easy. I live, each day, with much integrity. But Ill never be the ‘norm’ I long to be.

SORROW IN MY HEART "I'm OK. I'm FeeLiNg Ok.... BUt, Deep DoWn, TheRe's a RAGE aGainSt the MachiNE. BUt, I just LAUGH in the face of gOd; - what will be will be.. I cannot say what tomorrow will bring And who cares if BLUE BIRDS don't sing... But I do know one thing; I'm not here for your pleasure, your sanity, or your game... I came To this eARTh; born, with a NAME. I HAD NO fancy over who you were... What or why... But you groomed me, then simPLy LefT mE to DiE..,. I'm OK, I'm FiNe. " I have no idea..." " and I'm shy..." LeAve Me AloNe. LeT me FrEE. AnD mAy sUffeRing be know to yOu, Like a swarm to a bee...