Fix Me. I stand in the heaving room; bodies bump and push me around as if I'm a discarded rag doll. Between the small talk and polite ‘Hello’ exchanged between people I once knew, I soon realise I am not part of this world anymore. People dance and push past me, there is barely room to breath. Yet I feel all alone. I see the vodka bottle peeking out my bag, calling my name like a siren from across the room. The temptation is irresistible. My escape. The next few hours are a blur, wondering in and out of busy rooms, searching for a sign that a belong here. Loneliness sweeps over me; the heavy burden of being alone takes over my entire body. I watch bodies tumble into each other in time to music, like puppets with tangled strings. I can only think of you, what you would think if you saw the pathetic person I've become. The pathetic mess you'd made me. I am not like the other girls in the room. I no longer have a shining personality, no sparkle in my eye. I am the girl who had nothing to lose but has lost everything. In this room I am invisible to everyone. Everyone but one. His tall figure looms over me, whispering in my ear, his warm breath floating down my neck. He looks at the door, "Shall we go?" Staring at him, blinking in slow motion, I feel my head wobble in agreement, as if everything is clearer when the night is hazy. He grabs my hand and walks through the gate. I struggle to drag my feet down the path as he marches onwards, mumbling small talk to distract from the lack of confidence in his voice. I stare on trying to align my eyes with the horizon. I have no idea where we're going, yet my feet carry me on, in a determination to prove that I no longer need you to fill the hours in my days. We stand in the empty field as the#moonglistens on the dewy grass. Although the sky is pierced with the eyes of a million stars, darkness fills the air within the shadows of a thick autumn fog. There is little noise, but the distant joys of people singing into the night, carefree and full of #life. But I am left here with the smell of stale smoke and cheap beer that seems to drip from him, as if it was running through his veins. He holds me close, but not the way you did. This man, his arms so full of strength, pull me forwards. Rough and cruel, his fingertips grip onto my skin unaware of the delicate person beneath it. Mechanically he goes through the motions only glancing at my face as I stare past his frantic eyes, my mind no longer part of my body. I can only think of you. His hands wander round my body, like an adventurer in a foreign land, eager to find more. Clothes slip away, his breath heavy, panting rhythmically, creating steamy spirals in the cold air. Passionate kisses yet empty emotions. Chest to chest, this is not love. I don’t feel his heartbeat. He has no beauty; his desperation is ugly as he becomes another stranger to my eyes. Eventually I will stop and push him away, ripping our entwined shadow into two. Using the little strength remaining in my body I will stand tall, reaching for my clothes, trying to collect together the remnants of my identity. My mind full of thoughts of him, love, and this loneliness I seemed to so thoughtlessly stumbled upon. "Stop." The words will tear through the silent, empty night. Walking through him, through the night, I'll carry on... Back to you, back to the place you wanted me to be. Walking from one nowhere to another. Where I’m walking to I will not know, just what I am walking from.