Daddy's Gone 15.2 Starting to maybe put things together here are we?” Felix had to take a long, slow breath to stop himself from vomiting over the desk. “Now who do you think Holly’s Mum might be eh?” He started laughing loudly. There was a small click in the room that wasn’t loud enough for Carlo to notice, Felix felt the cool sting of glass making a small cut in the palm of his hand. He shut his eyes for a moment, was this really happening to him? He knew, there was no doubt in his mind now, nothing he could do to correct twenty years of consecutive errors, everything fell into place like the moronic jigsaw that was his #life. Carlo’s laugh was reaching a resounding crescendo, his head flying back, slapping his own thigh with the glee of his revelation. Before Carlo could realise that Felix was even on his feet he’d thrown himself across the desk. His left hand forcefully taking the back of Carlo’s bald head, with all his strength and as fast as he could he pulled Carlo towards his right palm which just as rapidly came to meet Carlo’s neck. Gripped in Felix’s right palm was the stalk of the broken champagne flute which he’d been fumbling under the desk. The snapped glass went into Carlo’s neck as though he’d just dropped it in the ocean. Carlo’s eyes flashed open wide, he made a strange guttural groan as a cloud of deep red blood started to appear behind the base of the glass which was pressing against his neck. Felix let go of Carlo and the glass, they toppled backwards as they were released, Carlo’s chair crashing to the ground. The force of the collision and perhaps the pressure forced the glass back out of his neck, it was followed by a stream of blood which travelled much further than Felix would have thought possible. Carlo was still conscious and simply looked shocked, he slid himself to the back of the room to lean on the wall, his white shirt was quickly turning red. He raised a hand to stem the flow but Felix could see the blood passing through his fingers like thick red water. “You fuck,” sputtered Carlo with a sickening red smile, sending more blood down the front of his shirt, “you finally find some fucking balls, like this?” He coughed deeply and spat out a mouthful of very bloody spit. “Christ!” Felix turned to the safe to his right, he knew it was unlocked, it was always unlocked. He opened the door and reached inside, his hand shaking as he pawed inside without looking, the safe was empty. A blinding pain brought him to his knees, the door of the safe having crashed into the side of his head, ears ringing from the unexpected sound of a gunshot. On the floor looking up Felix could just feel the bass from the next room. Had it been loud enough to muffle the shot? Carlo had missed. Felix knew he wouldn’t miss again, even in his condition. How stupid could he have been to leave him in here unchecked? Felix rolled behind the desk, Carlo emptied two more rounds into the drawers, then started coughing again violently. Felix seized the opportunity, he made straight for Carlo’s left hand that was weakly brandishing the gun. He stamped down on his arm and took it from him easily, Carlo looked up and smiled at Felix, “You ungratef...” he didn’t get the word out before Felix shot him in the chest. Carlo let out a final breath and slumped against the wall, his hand fell from his neck which began to slowly dribble a stream of blood on the floor, his lips were still slightly smiling. Felix’s heart was pumping harder than he thought he would survive, he sat back on the desk, willing it to slow down. He felt like he might faint at any moment and shut his eyes, the gun was still loosely hanging from his right hand. He knew what he had to do, he couldn’t stay in here, no way. The music began to penetrate into his consciousness once again. Felix considered taking the Glock with him but decided it would be best to leave it in the safe before he got rid of it later. He moved the three sports bags from next to the slowly expanding pool of blood next to Carlo, one by one he quickly moved them to the back room, making sure that he locked the door after each time he slid out from behind it. Once they had been safely moved he went back into The Bar, by now the room was so full that everyone was a blur, their bodies simply melting into each other. Felix’s heart was still racing, he couldn’t get the image of Carlo’s #lifeless body out of his mind, nor the knowledge that he’d died at his hands in a fit of uncontrollable rage. He turned to Carlo’s table, the men were busy sampling their own produce and generously sharing it with the girls who were hanging onto them like saviours. “Gents,” Felix said as he addressed the table as a whole, “Sorry to have to tell you this but I’m afraid Carlo’s had to leave because of an urgent family crisis.” The table immediately looked concerned, paranoid, fearful even. “Nothing to worry about....he sends his apologies but he’s not going to make it back tonight. He’s asked me to take care of you though, don’t worry.” The faces softened slightly, nobody really cared who sold as long as somebody did. “I know you guys have got places to be...so...Ah, I was wondering if we could get this going now possibly?” The men exchanged glances, the girls looked slightly dismayed about no longer being the centre of attention. Nods showed that a consensus had been reached, the man with the product was not to be questioned, priorities were priorities after all. The girls were gently shovelled off of laps, meek apologies were made and the men filed out after Felix, nobody in the rest of the party paid any attention. Some of the men left up the spiral staircase, the others followed Felix into the back room. His palms were sweating so much that he had to wipe his hand on his trouser leg before being able to open the door. Once inside he gestured to the three bags on the floor, all of them were picked up and placed on one of the metal counters. The large Russian man opened one bag and carefully inspected its contents, with his large hands he pulled out one of the parcels to feel its weight. Then he pulled a small collapsible knife from his trouser pocket and inserted the tip into the side of the packet, twisting the blade slightly released and small quantity of white powder. He removed the blade with a small pile left on the tip, he raised it to his nose and snorted it loudly, rubbing his nose in apparent approval afterwards. He turned and gave a slow nod to the other men who all suddenly appeared more relaxed. Felix could feel beads of sweat working their way down his spine. The door opened behind the men, they all turned around like wolves suddenly alerted to a danger, but the men who entered were those who had gone upstairs previously. They now entered carrying two slim black briefcases. The men placed these on the counter next to the sports bags, both were flipped open to reveal row upon row of neatly folded bills tied in yellow paper bands. “All clean,” said the thick set Russian, “you tell Carlo we transfer remainder in morning, give him regards.” He nodded and took two bags as though neither weighed more than a bag full of confetti. The other bag was collected by one of the men of a different nationality, Felix assumed they must all be travelling together back to the mainland. As the last man left the room he nearly collapsed, sweat was pouring off of him more than it ever had before, he could feel his shirt sticking to him underneath his jacket. He closed the briefcases, his hands trembling violently. He picked them both up and quickly left the room, he took them both into his office, leaning on the door behind him as it closed, his breath coming up short and quickly. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Carlo’s corpse, he could see his #lifeless legs protruding from around the corner and that was enough. He forced a long breath out and then back in, dropped one of the briefcases on the floor and took the other with him as he left to go back into The Bar. He meandered through the crowd as best he could, the briefcase caught some people’s legs but he was in too much of a daze to apologise. He made his way to the bar, passing straight past Julian, Belle and Sophie who were having a conversation with some of the other guests. Felix could see Caleb, he made a direct line for him, knowing that Holly would be with him. Caleb turned to him and was noticeably shocked but didn’t say anything. Holly was still hanging from his arm but talking to her friends who had found some male company of their own. Felix took her free arm, standing in front of her and looking into her eyes which were fixed on his. Now he saw it, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before, it was like looking at Lola’s future. He overcame the dryness in his mouth to turn to Caleb and say, “I just need to borrow Holly for a minute.” Caleb was in no position to argue and slid his arm out of Holly’s grip. Felix pulled her through the double doors with his right hand, still madly clinging to the briefcase with his left. As he climbed the stairs Holly struggled to keep up in her high heels and stumbled twice, Felix catching her both times. Even though she knew what must be happening she was incapable of getting any words out. In the street Felix locked the doors again behind them, he was taking giant breaths and clinging to his moist forehead. “Fuck....Fuck me, Holly.... Fuck me,” Felix started to pace in front of the doors, Holly stood there silently looking at the ground. He stopped in front of her, the briefcase on the floor between them, his hand over his mouth. “Christ, Holly...” he let out his breath trying to keep it controlled. “How did you find me?” Holly was lost, she couldn’t turn anywhere, she had no idea how he knew and now she had no idea what to say. “I...I,” she stammered, unable to form a sentence, “I didn’t, my Mum did, she knew you were here all the time.” Tears started to stream down her face, Felix began to wipe them away instinctively. “Jesus, your mum...” Holly stifled a laugh that came out like a gasp for air. “Holly, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry, there’s nothing I can say now.” Felix was half leaning on her, “Oh God, Holly.” He took a step back letting go of her and wiping his face. “You need to take this and go.” “Wh..What?” “You must still have some family in France, I need you to go, at least get out of the city for a while. Trust me, baby it’s for the best, I need you to take this and go, at least for now, for a while you need to be away from me.” “But...” She began feebly, holding herself as she started to shiver in the cool night air. “Holly, just do it please,” he said as he backed into the road waiting to flag down the next approaching taxi. “Please, Holly please, just take it and go!” “But why? What is it?” “It’s all I can do for you now, please, Holly.” A taxi had slowed to a stop next to Felix but Holly was still stood on the pavement motionless. Felix walked towards her, he took the briefcase and put it into her hand, then he took her by the arm and led her to the taxi door. “Please, Holly there’s over a million pounds in here, just take it, get some stuff and just leave for a while I’m begging you. In a few weeks things will have settled down I hope, why did you have to get involved with Carlo?” She began to complain but Felix had opened the door of the taxi and was almost pushing her inside. “Look, it doesn’t matter now, you’ll never see him again anyway.” “What do you mean?” she blurted. Felix just flashed her a pained stare, “He’s gone and he won’t be coming back, and if anyone’s looking for him they might look for you too now. It’s not a risk I’m willing to take.” Before closing the door he kissed her on the cheek tasting the salt of her tears. Then he closed the door and waited for the taxi to start driving as they turned the corner, he could vaguely make out Holly watching him through the rear windscreen. Back downstairs Felix found Belle who looked terrified by his appearance, “What’s happened to you?” She asked frightened. “I’ll tell you later, Bambi,” Felix managed to say amid his panting, “I’ll tell you everything later. Have you seen Julian? I need to find him quickly.” Belle, while still looking worried pointed to the sculpture which had now begun to melt substantially due to the suffocating heat of the room. Julian was grinding against the ice sculpture like a pole dancer. Felix marched towards him as quickly as he could, using his hand to carve a passage through the crowd. Once at the table he grabbed Julian’s trouser leg and yanked on it hard. Julian looked down, surprised to see Felix at his feet, he leant down so that he could hear what he had to say. Felix cupped a hand to Julian’s ear and shouted, “Jay I need your help, now it’s urgent.” Without asking a single question Julian stepped down from his position and followed Felix through The Bar to the rear exit and into the back room. “What up, broseph? Do you need the Jay Dog for some more woman advice?” he asked covering a nostril and sniffing hard. Felix started opening cupboards, one by one as fast as he could. “What are you doing man? Are you okay?” “Come and help me we need some heavy bags and bleach, and blue roll, it’s all in here somewhere,” said Felix in a shaky voice. “Felix, are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying, buddy.” “Just help me get this stuff okay? You’ll see in a minute.” Julian joined in the search, within five minutes they’d found what they were looking for. While Julian held everything Felix opened the door to the office and led him inside, careful to close the door quickly behind him. Julian walked into the office without noticing Carlo’s body. It was only when he turned back to Felix that he saw him lying on the ground. He stumbled backwards into the wall, “Jesus fucking Christ!” He shouted, “Felix what the fuck happened?” “I know, look I can’t explain it now okay, but he fucking deserved it trust me, it was a long time coming. If it hadn’t been me it would have been someone else.” “Felix, this is some serious shit! He’s dead, Felix.” “I know he is, look help me take his clothes off, we need to get rid of his clothes, the gun, the glass everything.” Felix started to feverishly tug at Carlo’s clothes, “Then we need to pour bleach on everything, then it’s all going in the Thames.” “Felix, man... this is not okay,” said Julian, cowering into the corner. “Look, Julian there isn’t anyone else I can trust to help me with this so I need you to do this now.” Felix took a black bag from Julian and started to stuff Carlo’s shoes inside, followed by his trousers. Then he rifled through the pockets of Carlo’s jacket to uncover his wallet and mobile phone, it all went into the bag too. Julian rose back to his feet, though he couldn’t help, Julian held out the bag while Felix filled it. Once Carlo had been stripped and the clothes doused in the putrid bleach he tied the bag and dropped it on the floor. He then took the broken champagne flute and the gun, wiped both down, put them in another bag, added more bleach and closed this too. Using the blue roll Felix and Julian both mopped up all the blood, then he bleached the floor and walls and mopped this up too using yet another bag to collect the stained paper. They took the bags up the spiral staircase, Julian was sick in the courtyard while Felix told the two bouncers that Carlo had left through the front due to an emergency. He dragged Julian with him who was still being sick as he stumbled down the alley. Two roads away they came to Felix’s car which he had parked earlier, hoping to pick it up the next day before driving himself and Belle home. Felix tossed the black bags in the boot and threw Julian into the back bench of the car, hoping that he had been sick as much as he could. Felix got into the driver’s seat and fired up the car, he drove carefully to stay at the speed limit, within ten minutes he was down by the Embankment, next to the RNLI station. Felix pulled over the car and cut all the lights, he stepped out and made sure that the road was clear in both directions. Taking the bags out of the boot he pierced small holes in each of them to make sure that they would sink. He then made the six paces it took him to cross the path and toss them in the black, cold river below. He watched for a moment as the bags sank out of view, rapidly moving downstream, forgotten and if found never traced. He got back in the car and exhaled, he turned to check on Julian who was passed out in the back, dribbling something vile from his slightly open mouth. Felix knew that the body would have to wait until tomorrow when nobody was in The Bar, for now it was resting inside heavy duty bin bags, festering in a coating of bleach. Felix’s chest felt like it was being ripped in two, his breathing and pulse both causing him a huge amount of pain. Unable to do anything but wait for it to subside he began to drive back slowly. All he could think about, right up until the moment he was stood next to her again, was his first night with Belle. It had been the beautiful beginning to the tragic end. In his mind he relived the memory of that night, falling in love, more deeply than ever. Then he thought of the price he was going to pay for it, and he wept.

Daddy's Gone 15.1 She got up and walked over to the kitchen where she collected three large wine glasses which she brought back over to the glass coffee table. She opened one of the screw-top bottles of wine and poured out three full glasses, leaving the bottle empty, then passed them around. “Okay well I think I know what I’m wearing anyway, so I can categorically remove a dress and a pair of shoes from the communal closet.” She walked over to the small mountain of clothes and picked up a small black dress with thick cross-hatching across the back, with this slung over her shoulder she bent down to pick up her pair of black platform Louboutin’s. With the shoes in one hand and the dress over her shoulder she took her glass of wine, winked seductively at the girls and made her way back upstairs to get changed. “And then there were two,” said Holly as soon as Kat had disappeared upstairs. “Any idea what you’re wearing yet? I’ve promised Kat she can choose my outfit, I’m slightly worried already.” “With good reason might I add,” replied Shiv. “I think I’m going to decide on shoes first and then dress from the bottom up.” She scanned the floor carefully, eyeing every pair with microscopic precision. Hey eyes settled on a pair of minimalist heels with a diamante studded ankle strap. She reached down to pick them up while still holding her glass diligently in her left hand. “My problem now is that these might go with just about anything, #life is not easy is it?” She stood up and walked to the pile of clothes and began leafing through them, throwing her rejections on the floor as she went. Eventually she pulled out a white layered crepe dress which she held above the shoes to achieve a suitable insight into their chemistry. “This is going to have to do, I never thought I’d say it but I’m bored of looking at all these clothes.” Holly laughed and drank some wine, they both turned as they heard the door upstairs open. Kat came down the stairs walking sideways and sliding down the wall, her eyes focussed solely on placing her feet carefully on each step. Shiv took this as her cue to leave the room and to get dressed herself. “Such a nice sunset tonight isn’t it?” Said Holly dreamily. “Nobody cares about sunsets, babe,” quipped Kat, “you need to get dressed, Hols! Like now!” “Yeah, yeah I know, can you tell me what to wear already and I’ll put it on.” Kat walked around the room, sipping her wine and apparently deep in thought. After a minute she walked to the centre of the room, picked up a pair of leopard print satin pumps, a dark grey pencil skirt and a black silhouette blouse. “You’ll have to wear a nice bra with this though, babe. But on the bright side Caleb’s going to be putty in your hands.” “No he won’t, Felix has these obscene rules about the staff having relationships.” “Ah, the old man? That’s weird. So he’s going to be there tonight I suppose, any plans on maybe playing the biological relation card?” “I don’t really see how it’s possible. Maybe he’s better off not knowing.” “Are you mad?” Kat shouted in astonishment, “He’d be mad not to want you as a daughter. If you like I can tell him for you, it would be my pleasure.” “Yes I’m sure it would, making my #life a soap opera sounds right up your street.” “Can’t blame a girl for having a penchant for drama,” she replied. “It’s no wonder you got on so well with my mother.” Shiv saved her from the conversation by coming back into the living area, her giant blue eyes embedded in smoky shadow and blonde hair tied up in a bun on top of her head. “What are we talking about?” She asked sitting back down on the sofa, “Actually I know I asked but I don’t care. I’m out of wine can we open another bottle please?” “Sure we can,” answered Kat, sitting down beside her, “Holly’s just about to go and get dressed, aren’t you Holly?” “Yes yes yes, I’m going, I’m going.” Holly heaved herself out of her seat and took the clothes from Kat before finishing her wine in one gulp and going into her mother’s room which had now become her own. By ten o’clock Felix was riding in a taxi with Belle back towards The Bar. The pink sunset had begun to give way to darkness. Belle was wearing high waisted grey tapered trousers and a white sleeveless shirt with a pair of black heels which were so high she had to take Felix’s arm everywhere they walked for support, something which didn’t bother him at all. Felix’s emotions were in such a blur that he wasn’t even able to distinguish himself what he was feeling. His happiness at simply being with the woman he loved was overshadowed by his trepidation about the night, his certainty that things with Carlo couldn’t end this smoothly and that eventually his serene little bubble would burst. The front of the bar was closed and locked, the lights were off and if you weren’t invited then you would have no idea that anything was happening behind these closed doors. It being a Tuesday night the footfall on the streets was low, the taxi pulled up at the entrance to the side street which led to the alleyway down which all the guests would make their way tonight. The driver took his money and looked slightly confused as to where his two well dressed passengers would be going from here. Nonetheless he took the money without comment and Felix made his way to the courtyard with Belle in tow. He led her down the stairs and into The Bar. The room had transformed, the ice sculpture which had been nothing more than a block of ice when he left was now a fully formed duplicate of Venus de Milo. Those lights that were still on only cast enough illumination in the room to vaguely make out the shapes of furniture. The only well lit area of the room was the bar itself and the row upon row of spirits and bottles which made up the display behind it. The staff were poised in their positions, some behind the bar and some already holding trays laden with champagne flutes. One of the rear tables was already occupied by Carlo and nine other men, all in suits and all of them white. Some had the typically Slavic appearance of many London bouncers so Felix assumed that some must be from Russia at least, others he had met before, two were French business partners and one was a Spaniard. He knew he would have to play host, even to those guests who he hadn’t invited. He led Belle to the bar and asked Caleb to get her a drink. Then he made his way to the back of The Bar where Carlo was laughing about something which Felix knew probably wasn’t funny at all. “I trust everything is to your liking gentlemen,” said Felix as he approached the table. The music was still at a volume which could be spoken over. Bella and Liga were sat with their legs resting over their own turntables, swapping cigarettes and comparing the flavours. “Ah boys,” began Carlo, addressing his guests, “this is Felix, renowned London bar owner, womaniser, philanthropist, philosophist, mixologist and all round bon viveur.” Felix gave a shallow bow to his guests, to his left others had begun to move inside in small groups, some in suits like his, others in more garish garments which had probably been accessorized on the taxi ride here. “Felix, Vlad here has heard that you’ve stocked up in these Methuselas and wants to get his order in early, so could we have one brought out to the table?” “Sure I’ll get one of my guys to bring it out to you, anything else?” “Yeah, some of these guys have got a boat waiting on standby in Portsmouth which will be leaving at five AM, so we’ll need to use the back room at around one or two okay? Then we’ll all be out of your hair and you can wind everything down as you like.” “Right, sounds fine. If there’s anything else then just give either me or Caleb a shout.” The other men at the table seemed to nod their thanks or approval, Felix wasn’t sure how much of the conversation they had understood, or how much they thought he knew about their operation. A little dazed and in need of a drink he made his way back to the bar where Belle was nursing a champagne cocktail. He walked to her side and kissed her cheek, noticing that she had ordered for him and that a drink was already waiting. He picked it up and they clinked glasses. “Everything okay?” He asked her. “Everything’s fine, are you?” “I will be, once everyone gets here and those morons start to actually play some proper music.” “Is that your DJ’s over there?” “It’s supposed to be, Caleb found them. Probably in a squat somewhere I imagine.” Over Belle’s shoulder Felix could see a steady stream of people entering The Bar, most were making a direct line to the bar but some were choosing to occupy the few remaining seats. Felix leaned over the bar to get the attention of a couple of the girls that had been hired specifically to work the night, “I need you two to be out on the floor making sure that everyone gets what they want, remember its cash only. One of you run to the back and take out one of the Cristals to the rear table with all the guys around it, then come back and get glasses for them, lots of glasses, they won’t be drinking alone for long.” The girls just nodded and proceeded to carry out their orders. Caleb walked into the bar through the double entrance doors and came towards the couple. “Evening all,” he said, shaking Felix’s hand, “you both look wonderful.” “You don’t look so bad yourself,” chimed in Belle, “you wouldn’t fancy a date for tonight would you?” Felix looked on in mock horror. “I think I value my job too much for that I’m afraid.” “And rightly so,” added Felix. “Your loss then,” smiled Belle. Felix felt his legs buckle from under him as something hit the back of one of his knees. “Oi! Oi!” Screamed Julian as he came screaming into the bar, cigarette limply hanging lit from his mouth, a slightly alarmed looking girl under one arm who Felix vaguely recognised as Belle’s friend Sophia or Sophie and a half empty bottle of passion fruit rum in the other. “Let’s get this mother fucking party started then eh?” Julian strode into the centre of their group wearing what might have been children’s suit trousers from the last century, they came to an end four inches above a pair of mahogany effect winkle-pickers which were being worn without socks. He slammed the bottle down on the bar and ordered a drink from the nervous looking youth behind it. “Why did you bring that?” Asked Felix, “it’s not like you’re going to be paying for anything is it?” “No probably not but you know me, I never turn up to a party uninvited....No wait I do that, I mean empty handed, yeah that’s it.” Sophia or Sophie extracted herself from Julian’s grip and was enjoying some face time with Belle. Julian took Felix’s arm and pulled him to one side, “Are we skiing tonight, sonny?” “Is that your primary concern?” “Party first, drama later, it’s just simpler that way.” “Right, if you go into the back from here, the same way you came in but instead of turning left to go out just go through the door in front of you.” “Yep, yep.” “Well in there I assume you’ll find a sizeable quantity of what you’re looking for. But sharing is caring so take one of the little silver bowls I’ve laid out and bring one of those out for the bar, we’ll start moving the rest out as and when.” Julian scampered off to the back room leaving Caleb and Felix standing clandestinely at the bar while the girls caught up on their gossip. The music now was beginning to react to the rapidly filling room, higher tempo and volume accompanied the guests as they made their way into the room. The table across from Carlo was taken over by some of Felix’s contacts within the London night scene, many of them owned their own establishments which were too well known to get away with any of the misdemeanours that The Bar was famous for. They had already ordered two of the Methuselas and the waiters had been handed a pile of money from the table which they seemed unsure what to do with. Felix navigated through the thickening crowd towards the back tables, he collared one of the waiters so that he could whisper in his ear, “Every time someone hands you a wad you run it to me, and listen I know exactly how much we’ll be making off these so don’t try and play me up short, got it?” The young man nodded as he poured another glass of champagne. Felix slid himself onto a space at the end of the banquette next to Nico Panianyotus, a young Greek millionaire who, along with his arms trafficking brother, had opened a private gentleman’s club in the heart of Knightsbridge called The Duke’s Club. He and Felix had met by chance at their barber’s, a chance conversation had revealed their shared occupation, hence his invite. Felix knew that some of the other men around the table were involved in their own degree of misdeeds but imagined that none of them had ever been sat with ninety kilograms of cocaine in their office. He shook the hands of everyone he could reach, exchanged smiles, offered drinks and made sure that all needs were being catered for. Nico leaned across to Felix who was busy surveying the room. “Felix, buddy?” said Nico, waving a hand in front of Felix’s face. “Oh hey sorry, just trying to make sure everything’s going smoothly.” “You look like death mate.” “Got a lot on my mind at the moment, I’ll be alright once everyone gets here...I just need everyone to get here.” “It’s alright mate, they’re coming, we just need the girls to arrive,” he said rubbing his thighs. “They’re expected presently, my boy but you know the girls, they love to arrive late, make more of an entrance that way.” Felix took another look around the room, most of the men on the list had arrived already, many had brought dates with them, which meant that those that hadn’t were waiting for the single crowd. He excused himself from the table and made his way around the corner to make his way through the corridor. On his way he nearly crashed into Julian who was walking back out of the bar with two small rectangular, stainless steel dishes each housing a fistful of Carlo’s contribution to the evening. “I said one for the bar, Jay,” said Felix sternly, “you seem to have two in your hands, oh and what’s that? Yes, one up your fucking nose.” “Key to the bloody kingdom buddy! You give that shit away this is what happens!” He glided past Felix and danced his way through the crowd offering everyone he passed a nose-full of his glistening white powder. Felix watched him disappear into the crowd before he made his way through the murky corridor and quickly up the spiral staircase. In the courtyard a couple who were obscured in a dark corner were doing something more than kissing, Felix ignored them and approached Carlo’s henchmen who were now standing at either side of the gate to act as doormen. One of the men was locked in a heated argument with someone who Felix couldn’t see because the man was so big that he engulfed whoever it was in front of him. As he came closer Felix recognised the voice, the well enunciated syllables, elongated vowels. Sarah, whose head stood a mere five foot and two inches off the ground, was screaming in this heavy set man’s face. The man seemed totally aloof to her distress and was chewing gum with an open mouth. Felix side-stepped the doorman and took Sarah’s arm mid-sentence. “You’re causing a scene, Divine this is supposed to be a private night. Now what’s the problem?” “Can you let go of my arm please?” Felix loosened his grip but didn’t let go entirely. “This Neanderthal doesn’t seem to realise that not all of my guests are down on his stupid list because I couldn’t get all of their names down as definites.” “Right well that’s an easily solved problem isn’t it,” said Felix in an effort to placate her. “Also some of them have brought friends with them.” “Not boyfriends I hope.” “Maybe one or two,” she said half ashamedly. “That wasn’t part of the agreement, Divine.” “Just get us in, Felix,” she said exasperated, “and don’t call me Divine.” Felix signalled to the doorman with an all enveloping, invisible lasso. “All of this group, whoever this midget tells you is part of it, can go in okay?” The huge man nodded his enormous block head, “And if you have any more problems just call me, and if I don’t pick up call Carlo and he’ll come and get me.” Sarah thanked him and filed in with her guests. Felix pulled another cigarette out of the packet he kept inside his jacket, lit it and leant against the wall while smoking it. He gave some silent nods and fraudulent smiles to a few more people making their way down. One woman, who he recognised from watching morning television with Lola, walked in swooning on the arm of a very masculine looking woman wearing an extremely narrow cut Prada suit, buttoned over a bare chest, revealing her small naked breasts. A trio of girls he didn’t recognise came down the small passage laughing arm in arm, he guessed that they were stragglers from Sarah’s party, but as they came nearer to the glow from the courtyard Felix recognised the girl in the middle as his employee. As the passed him he lowered his cigarette and nodded a silent greeting, the two girls chaperoning smiled back but Holly instinctively lowered her eyes to the floor. Felix remembered suddenly why he had agreed to let these girls attend and was suddenly awash with a sense of sympathy. He took a step forward and gently took Holly’s right arm as she and her friends faced the bouncer. She turned around with a look of bewilderment but was able to quickly control it and return to smiling again. Felix beckoned with a nod of his head for her to step aside a moment and for the other two to wait inside. Once he has pulled her away he was unsure of what he wanted to say, “Caleb told me about your mum,” he faltered, “I’m really sorry.” He could already see her face creasing, above all else he didn’t want her to cry so needed to end this quickly. “I lost my father when I was younger than you, I know it’s not easy,” as he was saying this he felt his own eyes welling up, “so if you need anything you let me know okay?” Holly remained silent, she nodded and managed a closed mouth smile. “Okay, that’s all I wanted to say, don’t get upset. Go inside with your friends and have fun, it should be a good night.” She turned and left to meet Shiv and Kat who were waiting just on the other side of the gate. Felix was just beginning to hear the beginning of some music coming from below, indistinct enough to be coming from anywhere, he hoped. Felix finished up his cigarette and decided to return downstairs to join his guests, especially Belle who he hoped he wasn’t neglecting. Inside was truly starting to resemble what Felix loved most about his bar, people were dancing freely, singing to each other. Some stood gossiping, others leant on walls or tables kissing. One of Sarah’s guests, who Felix knew to be a model for Agent Provocateur, was stood to the side of the ice sculpture pouring a bottle of Dom Perignon into her slightly open mouth while two more models drank from the fountains which poured from her icy nipples. A vaguely transparent fog of smoke had collected in the centre of the room, Felix could smell a sweet hint of marijuana which made him nostalgic. The two large tables at the back which had previously been populated solely by men were now inundated with opportunist women on the hunt for free drinks and mutually beneficial relationships. Felix returned to where he had last seen Belle at one end of the bar, she was still there marvelling at everything going on around her. To her side Julian had one arm around Sophie or Sophia’s waist and was swaying behind her while sporadically taking shots from the bar. Felix slid his arm around Belle, happier than he could explain to be back next to her. “Sorry I’ve been running around making sure everything is running smoothly, I hope he hasn’t been too much to deal with,” he said gesturing to Julian who was swaying his head now, eyes shut, in time to the music. “It’s fine, baby. Is everything going according to plan?” “It is actually, I’m kind of shocked. I’ve had this awful feeling all month that this is going to go horribly wrong somehow but it seems fine at the moment, touch wood,” he said as he knocked twice on the bar. Sarah inserted herself into the middle of their little group with a glass of champagne in hand. “Ah, Divine, nice of you to join us,” Felix said without releasing his grip on Belle’s waist. “Your friends seem to be enjoying themselves.” Sarah looked over towards the dance floor where the people she’d brought with her were screaming and dancing in a group. “They do seem to be having rather a lot of fun don’t they.” She rolled her eyes and took a drink. “So who’s this then?” she asked, simultaneously tilting her head coquettishly and extending a hand. Belle smiled and held her hand out too, “My name’s Belle, I’m....” she began shaking Sarah’s hand but not finishing her sentence. “She’s Felix’s lover!” shouted Julian, still swaying his head but obviously listening. “Hi, Jay,” said Sarah, “long time no see.” “True! How about a cheeky shot to celebrate?” “No I don’t think so, I start doing that now and I won’t be here tomorrow.” “Oh go on,” Julian persisted. Ignoring him Sarah turned back to Felix and Belle, “So people are saying this is the last one, are they right?” “Afraid so,” said Felix, “I’m taking a step back from the business. Caleb’s taking over for me.” “So he’s the one I want to sleep with is he? I see, and where can I find this young man?” Felix scanned the bar, genuinely wondering where Caleb might be. At the other end of the bar, close to the usual exit he saw him, looking extremely dapper in his tuxedo, a slight wave in his parted hair, stood with Holly and her two friends laughing together. Caleb’s fingers were gently coiling between Holly’s, Felix noticed and he didn’t mind. Even after the lectures, the rules and regulations he knew that it was one that Caleb was probably always going to break, just like Felix probably would have done at the same age in the same position. “He’s over there,” Felix pointed with his eyes so that Sarah could see, “but it looks like you may have missed your chance there, Divine.” “Oh sugar!” she said sarcastically, “and don’t call me Divine, Felix I hate it.” “Like I said, blame your parents.” Sarah huffed and returned to her guests, some of whom seemed to be undressing and posing seductively with his sculpture. “Ex girlfriend?” whispered Belle into his ear. “I don’t think you can really call her that,” he laughed. “But we certainly have a history, however ancient it is. Is it really that obvious?” “Well you do communicate have that bitter of old couple type of communication going on.” “Yes, I’d say that basically is our relationship in a nutshell. Thank God we never got married.” “We might never have met,” she speculated. “Well then I’m even more glad we didn’t marry,” he said taking her face with his right hand and kissing her. “I’ve got to go and check on things in the office, do you mind being left with this idiot?” “No, not at all, don’t worry. Sophie probably needs someone to look after her anyway.” “Ah Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. I’ve been wondering all night whether it was Sophie or Sophia, you might want to tell Julian.” Belle laughed but Felix remained deadpan, she laughed more. He kissed her again, picked up a glass of champagne off of one of the passing waiters and made his way to the office. Felix had really gone to the office to take a moment to relax, once inside he sat back in the large armchair and enjoyed his drink with a certain satisfaction that he’d pulled it all off. With tonight out of the way he could focus on the next phase of resolving his #life, putting his personal relationships in order. He knew that whatever happened now his only real interest was Lola, protecting her from any harm which could befall her, especially because of him, was his only concern. He lit another cigarette, it was the only thing to do, he inhaled and let his head fall back against the head rest of the chair. The music suddenly got louder, Felix was aware that someone must have opened the door, his head snapped back into an upright position. Carlo entered the room, smiling emptily, closing the door behind him. “Should you be leaving your guests alone?” Asked Felix, sitting upright and finishing his champagne. “We need to talk,” said Carlo. “We do?” “Yeah.” “Oh right, about what exactly?” Felix asked in annoyance. “I’m just not sure that you leaving this place in the hands of that kid is really a good idea. I mean, I’ve spoken to ‘im, he seems sound, y’know, a good kid no doubt.” “But?” “We started this place, Felix and I think it’s gotta stay ours.” “I’ve made my decision, Carlo I’m sorry but that’s it.” “I think you might be misunderstanding me here Felix, I’m not really asking you.” Felix thought for a moment, wondering how carefully to choose his words. “I think, I think but I’m not sure, that maybe you’ve misunderstood me, Carlo.” He took a dramatic lungful of warm smoke, “This is it for you and me, Carlo. After tonight I don’t even want to see you again,” he leaned forward in his seat, his hands underneath the desk to hide his white knuckle grip on his champagne glass. “You get rid of that shit over there and that’s it.” Carlo slid his chair forward and rested his head on his left hand which was propped on the desk, still smiling, he sighed. “Oh well, Felix. What can I say?” “Not a lot,” Felix cut him off before he could enter into one of his tedious monologues. “I saw your boy Caleb with that other girl who works here, now what’s her name again?” “Holly. Have you got anything you want to ask me? Because if not I’d like a few minutes to myself if you don’t mind,” said Felix growing angrily impatient. “Yeah I know who she is,” said Carlo, “she was living with me for a little while actually.” “You what?” Felix began, “Oh you know what, I don’t even give a shit just get the fuck out of my office.” “Sad about her mum though, did you hear?” Carlo’s voice had changed, giving him away, Felix knew he was up to something. “Look if you’re trying to tell me you managed to get your old wrinkled cock into one of my staff again I’m frankly unimpressed.” “Young though her mum, not much older than you are.” “Yeah it’s a sad situation, but nothing we can do now is there?” “Maybe if thing’s had worked out different back then though, you never know do you.” “You’ve totally lost me now, Carlo.” Felix was losing his temper and he needed to get out of this confined space. “You mean you’ve never noticed?” “Jesus Christ! What the fuck are you on about?” “Remember Nicola? Used to be your manager when we first met.” The bottom of Felix’s stomach gave way, a wave of nausea so powerful swept over him that he felt his skin crawl. He was speechless. Carlo was still smiling coldly, his eyes widened slightly. “Oh yeah, you remember. Starting to maybe...

Daddy's Gone 15.0 15. The day had been mad, not one second’s rest for anyone who had been designated a job for tonight’s party. Felix had left Ali early that morning with a promise of being back the day after and that this would be the last of his absences from their bed for a long time, a promise he already knew was broken. When he left the sun had been shining but this didn’t matter because he’d spent the largest portion of the day underground making sure that everything was in place, that everyone knew exactly what they were doing and that nobody was doing anything which they shouldn’t be. Inside The Bar not only looked totally different to how it would usually but the atmosphere was completely different. Even though it was empty, save for a few of the temporary members of staff milling around, the tables which were usually dotted around the expanse had been removed and safely stowed away in the back room. What was left were three enormous tables to accommodate the private parties which would be descending on the place tonight. Two black oblong tables occupied the two alcoves at the back of the bar overlooking the space which was now a dance floor. Each table was made of solid acrylic in the style of an old E.J Riley table with thick ornate legs, the surfaces were polished to mirror quality and both had Hebrew characters passing in an anti-clockwise rotation from their centre. One large round table in the middle of the room had been custom built, per Felix’s request. It came in two enormous parts which could be turned vertical for storage. When placed together they made a table about ten feet across making a central podium which would normally be used to house a resident dancer. Today however, at the last minute, Felix had called in some professional ice sculptors to construct a model of a woman in the shape of Venus de Milo. His insistence had been on the fact that one must be able to pour drinks into her mouth and have them come out of her nipples. Around lunchtime Caleb and Felix met with Liga Bella, the DJ pair who Felix assumed were lesbians, both wore large black sunglasses indoors which irritated Felix who purposefully kept it dark in The Bar at all times. Neither girl could have been over twenty-five, one had ghostly white blonde hair with pale skin which was pulled tight over slender bones. The other was slightly fuller in the face and had jet black hair but was equally pale with a bright red pout that looked as though it had been varnished. They referred to each other as Liga and Bella respectively, something else about them which grated on Felix. “So have we decided on what type of music you’re going to be playing?” Felix asked as much to Caleb as to Bella and Liga. “Can I smoke in here?” Asked one of the DJ’s pulling out a rose flavoured Vogue cigarette with an expectant snarl on her face. “Bella, we’re inside,” said her brunette counterpart, “it’s ill-ee-gal.” “Smoke away,” said Felix, “we’ll ignore the law for the next few hours.” Liga lit her cigarette and exhaled the pale smoke through an O shaped mouth. “Okay can we sort this out please? I have a million and one things to do today and I want this out of the way.” “Hey look you’re a poet,” said Liga, blankly. Felix looked over at Caleb as if to say who the fuck are these morons. Caleb decided to mediate, “Look we just need to agree on a general gist of what you’ll be playing for us tonight.” “Well you know how we do,” said Bella, as she reached over to pull a long thin cigarette from the box in front of Liga. “I’m not even sure that means anything,” said Felix beginning to lose his patience. “We like to centre on mixing modern classics, something pumping and vibrant which is totally chilled out,” said Liga in a voice that suggested this type of explanation took a huge toll on her personally. “We’ll change the music for the mood swings, you know?” Added Bella as though this clarified the nonsense which had already been spoken. “It’s like, you won’t notice it’s there because we jam so well with the feelings on display.” “If I’m not going to notice you then why am I paying you five G’s for the privilege of whatever it is you do? Which by the way is still totally unclear.” “If we weren’t there,” Liga began, leaning forward and taking another drag, “then you’d notice. It’s like covert ops music, you need us....trust me....you need us.” “Cal, am I just too old to understand this? Does it make sense to you?” “Well what do you want us to play?” asks Bella exasperated. “Music, just good music, you want to do it in your own style or whatever that’s fine, just make sure it’s good.” “Haven’t we just been telling you that that’s exactly what we’re going to do?” Felix turned to Caleb, “Cal, you sort this. If I stay here we’ll end up with two bodies and no DJ’s.” He got up from his seat and walked away without another word, the two girls following him in sync with their covered eyes. Felix took the stairs two at a time to reach street level, the enormous double doors were locked from the inside but he opened them so that he could smoke a cigarette outside away from the commotion downstairs. As soon as he stepped outside and lowered his hand from shielding his flame the inevitable happened, his phone began to ring. Felix didn’t need to look at the display to know who it was. Carlo was already two hours late to make his delivery and Felix knew that he’d done it on purpose just to complicate his #life. A quick walk around the corner brought him to the alleyway into which a large black Volkswagen van had backed into right up to the gate at the end. Felix had had the alleyway swept and mopped earlier, which no doubt would have looked odd to passersby but was an essential part of preparation. At the open rear of the van stood Carlo, wearing a metallic grey Canali three piece suit with a scarlet Hugo Boss tie, with him stood two burly men who were in the process of carefully moving enormous bottles of champagne towards the back of the van to be unloaded. Felix flicked his half smoked cigarette down an open sewer grate at the entrance of the alleyway and approached Carlo and hugged him tentatively. “What have we got here then?” Asked Felix. “Listen, I couldn’t get ten Cristal like you wanted, but I managed to get hold of some Armand de Brignac Gold, supposed to be pretty good I ‘ear.” He lead Felix over to one side by the gate, “There’s three bags in the van, I need you to take them down and put them in the office.” “Three bags?” “Yeah like in the nursery rhyme.” “What the fuck? How much is that?” “Hey when you said this would be the last time I had to organise a big shipment, see me through until I find a new place.” “Carlo, you don’t need any money, why the fuck are you even bothering?” “Because it’s fun, Felix. If I stopped now I’d get bored, and you know I ain’t so very pleasant when I’m bored.” “Whatever, alright I’m going to open the gate. Get Lurch one and Lurch two to carry all that shit down and leave it in the back room next to the special trolleys I’ve got for them down there. You and me get the bags first.” Felix lit another cigarette and then stepped up into the back of the van, careful not to knock one of the bottles over, dreading how much money it could cost him. At the point where the rear compartment of the van met the driver’s and passenger seats were three large black sports bags. Felix took the straps of two and, imagining that he would be able to, tried to sling each one onto a shoulder. He found that each bag weighed about double what he had anticipated and thus opted to lift one and drag the others along the floor with him to the back of the van. “You take one of these you old fuck,” he said to Carlo who was stood watching everything disinterestedly. “Alright, alright, no need to use profanities, Felix.” “Don’t start,” said Felix already coming short of breath. He staggered with his cargo to the gate and managed to keep his balance long enough to open it. Beyond the gate was a small courtyard which Felix had fitted with a red velvet carpet and cascading drapes in various shades of red and gold which gave the effect of a Middle Eastern harem. Interwoven between the layers of fabric were thousands of fairy lights, all the wires hidden carefully by the technicians who had orchestrated it. In the far corner was the beginning of the balustrade of the spiral staircase which would lead the guests into The Bar later so as to remain discreet and away from the main street. Felix shimmied the bag around onto his back so that he was able to fit down the narrow staircase, Carlo followed him into the courtyard but then stayed above ground, cackling down the phone. Down the stairs was a short corridor, lit by three dim, naked bulbs, the filaments quivering a burning orange in the near darkness. At the end of the corridor were three doors, one housed in each wall, directly in front was Felix’s office, to the left was the abandoned kitchen come store room and to the right was The Bar itself. Inside he could hear the movement, the clink of glasses being carefully stacked in orderly and attractive units, the fragmented music of the sound tests of Bella Liga and Caleb shouting at the bar staff to do their jobs and not stand and stare. In his office Felix found peace, he put the bag down by the wall to the left of the entrance, he knelt down beside it and carefully unzipped the top. He was unsurprised to find a number of large packages inside, all sealed in brown paper, presumably more secure than tape and plastic like the movies. Without counting Felix guessed that the bag probably housed at least thirty kilos, taking into account the other two upstairs and knowing that Carlo was only in the market for raw product he personally was probably looking at a couple of million, or more depending on where it was going to end up. Back in the courtyard Carlo was still talking loudly on the phone, the two heavy lifters had moved the bottles into the space beyond the gate so that they could lock the van and start taking things downstairs. Felix stood next to Carlo, eyeing him impatiently so that he might end his phone call, instead Carlo muted the phone on his shoulder and turned to Felix with a look of indignation. “Can I help?” He asked. “What time are your people going to be turning up?” Asked Felix. “I’ve got no idea mate, what time is it now?” Felix glanced at his watch, it was almost seven which meant that there wasn’t much time left before people would start to arrive. “It’s nearly seven, I need to get this stuff into the office now so I can lock it up, then I’ve got to run over to Mayfair and get changed and still be back in time to get everyone inside.” “I don’t know why you’re getting your panties in a twist, everything’s done. You run along to your suite over in Mayfair, I’ll see you in a couple of hours or whatever.” “Well what are you going to do while I’m gone?” “I’m a big boy, Felix, don’t you worry about me I’ve got lots of things to keep me busy.” “Well just stay out of everyone’s way,” said Felix expecting some kind of retaliation. “I’m standing here aren’t I? Am I in anyone’s way? I’m not sure I’m really comfortable with you telling me what to do but I’ll let you off this time.” “Whatever I’m going to run, I’ll see you tonight.” “Say hi to Belle,” Carlo began, “it is Belle isn’t it? That nice little brunette you’ve been running around with.” Felix turned on his heel and took two steps towards Carlo, his right fist was clenched tight but hidden by being kept down by his side. He reconsidered before throwing it, there was nothing to gain from it and his frustrations were probably as much with himself as with Carlo. Carlo just winked at him and returned to his phone call. Just get through tonight, thought Felix to himself. He went back down the stairs and through into The Bar, two men had unveiled a huge block of ice, easily six foot tall and three feet wide, standing on the central podium of the large round table. The towering block of ice was sweating slightly as the two men unveiled a collection of sculpting tools, various mallets and chisels, power drills and small but powerful looking chainsaws. Felix was glad that he wasn’t going to be here for this process because the noise alone would undoubtedly give him a migraine, then the added issue of clearing up the melting ice shards, water everywhere, even the thought of it was making his head spin. Bella Liga had occupied one of the booths to the side of the dance floor, each stood behind a turntable which were placed around a console filled with hundreds of buttons and switches, lights and sliders, in front of this was a rapidly filling ashtray. Both girls were bobbing their heads at different tempos, their ears covered by over-sized Sennheiser headphones, neither one had removed their sun glasses. Felix walked over towards them and stubbed out his cigarette in their ashtray, they looked at him as though he has soiled himself on their carpet. “I’m going to give you your cash now, later I might be feeling to generous and end up overpaying you,” he said, reaching into his inside pocket for the thick wad of folded bills he had been using to cover the expenses to far today. He pulled it out and counted out two thousand pounds, realising he wasn’t going to have enough he raised his finger to the girls before turning and walking to the ice sculptors instead. He folded the bills into the hand of the one who had yet to pick up a chainsaw, who took them appreciatively like a man not used to receiving cash for his time. Then he stepped back through the rear door and into his office where he found Carlo sat at the desk complaining to whoever he was on the phone to about the poor reception, while at the same time unwrapping one of his brown parcels. The other two bags had found their way down and were resting on top of one another in the corner. “Big shipment today then,” said Felix loud enough to interrupt the phone call. Carlo hung up the phone without saying goodbye. “You could say that, we’re all looking at making a nice profit anyway. I thought you were making a move.” “I am, I just needed to pick something up before I go,” he said whilst doing a double take on whatever it was that Carlo was doing on his desk. “You can’t do that in here,” he said firmly. “Stop trying to tell me what to do,” replied Carlo musically, as though talking to a child. “I’m serious this room stays locked until I get back.” “You’ve turned into a really miserable little cunt recently, you know that? You used to love this business, now you act like I’m a fucking plague on your #life.” “You are a fucking plague on my #life,” Felix paused, choosing his next words carefully. “I was going to wait until later to tell you this but you forced my hand, as usual. After tonight I’m through with this, with you and all your shit. The endless favours, phone calls, your stupid fucking jokes, everything. If you come into my bar again you’ll be out on your ass, you come near me or my family and it’s simple, I’ll kill you.” Carlo looked at him, looked him over, from head to toe and then simply said, “Okay.” He then re-wrapped his package on the desk, stood up and made his way to the door. “I’m going to mix this half and half with a tub of Maximuscle, it’s my new cutting agent, I’ll leave it out back with my boys until you get back.” He extended a hand to Felix for him to shake it but Felix just looked him coolly in the eyes, mistrustful of his reticence. Carlo shrugged and left the room. Once he had left Felix locked the door behind him and moved across to the central safe, he entered the nine digit code on the keypad which was followed by a short beep and the mechanical noise of the locking mechanism coming undone. From inside the safe Felix pulled two immaculately assembled blocks of cash, tied in a paper loop as though fresh from the mint. He slid one into his pocket and kept the other in his hand as he closed the safe door and locked it again. Back outside in The Bar Felix tossed one wad of bills over to Bella Liga, who caught it and sniffed the notes while fanning them under their noses. He then made his way to the bar where Caleb was instructing the staff on how to polish glasses, shake cocktails and keep their opinions to themselves. Felix tapped him on the shoulder, “Alright, son how’s everything looking?” “Yeah we’re all set I think, these guys have got the hang of the essentials so I wouldn’t worry. I spoke to the ice sculptor people and they reckon two hours and they’re done, then apparently they’re going to wrap it in sleeping bags until we want it unveiled or something.” “Sleeping bags?” Asked Felix concerned. “That’s pretty much what I thought,” said Caleb, “but apparently they can keep things cold as well as hot, who knew?” Just as he said this the searing cry of the chainsaw making its first pass on the block of ice began. “Right I’m going to go!” Shouted Felix above the din, “Have you got everything you need? Your tux is out in the back, so is all the champagne, if you need anything else you just call me and let me know okay? Oh and keep an eye on Carlo, I feel like he might try and do something to fuck with me tonight and I’m not in the mood.” “Done, done and done boss. I’ll see you in a bit.” “Sure, Cal,” replied Felix as he turned to the main entrance to leave. Outside the base of the sky was being tinged a peachy orange as the sun made its way below the layer of clouds. Felix hailed one of the passing black cabs and asked to be taken to the Mayfair Hotel, where he had booked a suite for the night for him and Belle. The suite was a luxurious duplex with a balcony that overlooked Green Park, the large living space was adorned with a conglomeration of Eastern artefacts and lavish modern furnishings like calf skin covered foot rests as well as well as a ten seat glass dining table. The bedroom interior reminded Felix of the inside of a chalet, a hardwood panel wall behind a large welcoming bed, draped in several layers of earth coloured silk bedding that contrasted powerfully with brilliant white bed sheets. Unlike the rest of the suite which was bathed in light the bedroom had no windows and was lit only by two cubic table lamps, it’s resemblance to Belle’s lounge was uncanny and Felix loved it. Every room smelt fresh and clean, nothing out of place, it was in essence virginal and Felix had grandiose aspirations to defile it. He removed his jacket and lay back in the centre of the bed, his tuxedo was hanging in the wardrobe where he’d left it that morning. He breathed all the air out of his lungs and rested, listening to his heart beat, seeing the quiver of his shirt as it did so. Belle stepped out of the en-suite bathroom, wrapped in a fresh white towel, her dark hair dripping and pasted to her slim neck and shoulders, beads of moisture on her skin were visible in the misty glow coming from behind her. She came and rested her head on Felix’s shoulder, he could feel the water spreading across his shirt but didn’t mind. He twisted his head to kiss her forehead but she craned upwards to meet him, kissing his lips softly for as long as she could. Holly was nervous, a growing tension had been growing in her gut most of the day, which stood in stark contradiction to Shiv and Kat’s mounting excitement. In her ears the echoes of her mother’s wasted words were ringing, now she questioned the purpose of all of these months of work, getting close to her father which as yet had got her nothing. She wondered if tonight, being within feet of him, no longer an employee, maybe she could tell him finally. And then what she wondered? Would anything be different, maybe he just didn’t care, had her Mum been right all along? The loss of her mother had truly sunk in over the last week, she was no longer in her #life, no longer a burden or a worry or an embarrassment. She had become a memory, and memories have little room for the negative. Holly chose only to recall the goodness of her mother, the love which she had always felt, however misguided its exhibition had become. But now facing the apparent prospect of maybe, finally, at last, gaining a father, she felt that #life as an orphan may not be so bad after all. The apartment had been transformed into nothing short of a beauty salon. One sofa was being used as a makeshift clothes horse, layer upon layer of chiffon shirt, dresses, skirts, harem trousers, blouses, corsets and just about every other item of the three girl’s wardrobes was on display. The floor in the centre of the living room was covered in a collection of heels of all colours, shapes, styles and brand. Shiv was milling around in her underwear, picking up a pair at random, thinking to herself of the combination of clothes which she could wear with them and then dumping them back on the floor unsatisfied. The television had been set to MTV all day, various music videos and asinine interviews had accompanied their quest for the perfect outfit. Kat had dyed her hair again only to make sure that it was all the most perfectly intense shade of black, since returning from her hair appointment she had spent most of the afternoon turning every song on the television into her own personal power ballad. Holly sat watching the proceedings from the only seat which wasn’t covered in potential clothes or shoes, she’d resigned herself to the fact that Kat was going to act as her stylist for the evening and therefore didn’t have a lot to do apart from wallow in her own misgivings about the night ahead. A text message from Caleb snapped her out of her trance, “Hey babe, everything’s looking amazing down here, come early 9.30ish? Can’t wait to see you X.” She smiled to herself, thinking how she might be the only person who could still see the true Caleb anymore. Shiv saw Holly smiling on her own and came over to investigate. “What’s that guilty smile you’ve got about?” She asked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” replied Holly sincerely. “Oh yes you do, I bet you just got a message from Caleb or something.” “I’m not saying a word,” she said closing an invisible zip across her mouth. “Kat!” Shiv shouted up the stairs, “Kat! Holly’s keeping secrets! About boys!” Kat poked her head around the open door to shout back, “Just tickle her, she can’t take it, she’ll crack and give up all the information we need.” Shiv didn’t wait long enough for Holly to be able to react, she ran over to the sofa and jumped on top of her, clawing at her ribs. Holly, already screaming, tried to wriggle herself free. Hearing the screams from below Kat came down the stairs and joined Shiv in tormenting Holly. Her screams drowned out the sound of the television and gasping for air she was just about able to tell them to stop. “Okay Okay!” She said after having fallen off the arm of the sofa, “I got a message from Cal!” “Saying what?” The girls asked in unison. “Just what time to come, blah blah blah.” “And...” said Kat. “And that he can’t wait to see me.” “Oooooooh,” said both the girls, mimicking schoolgirl scandal. “Oh shut up!” Said Holly while standing back up. “Can we maybe open one of these bottles now? And decide what we’re all going to wear please?” “Well we can definitely open one of the bottles,” said Kat, “but as for deciding what to wear....let’s not ask for the impossible yeah?” She got up and walked over...

Daddy's Gone 14.0 14. Holly The crematorium is a large, fairly nondescript, block of concrete which sits in a fair sized park compound with weaving concrete paths through blandly floral shrubberies. The building has no visible windows other than four large glass doors set in the centre of the entrance. The sky is a slightly darker tone of grey than the building itself. No more than twelve people are standing outside with me, which is more of a turnout than I really expected. If she’d made it five years more, if I was five years older would anyone be here? Just inside the building stand the men who I suppose are the owners of this establishment, there’s no priest for a woman who was an adamant atheist, I’m a bit hazy on any of the proceedings. I got a call from the police the same evening who had responded to my call by sending out a pair of officers to the flat on a suspected domestic abuse charge. When they had received no response at the door, I was told, the decision to make a forced entry was taken. Within hours I was contacted as the most immediate next of kin, what followed was then a series of meetings with counsellors, family relations officers, general officers, a seemingly endless number of meetings and questions which all passed by in a blur. At one point perhaps I was under investigation but I either didn’t notice or didn’t care. I was asked about the phone call, why I’d said nothing, why I’d left, why I thought she’d done it, all of which I had no answers to. After what seemed like an entire day shut in tiny box rooms opposite two stern faced policemen, the sound of a tape recorder quietly whirring in the background, the report came back with a cause of death. This I have to sit through, I can’t block it out because it exonerates me, so they make sure I understand: According to the medical examiner Nicola, my Mum, slipped away from the world in her sleep, blood test results showed that she’d taken a healthy number of over the counter sleeping pills (twenty-six) and combined this with a good dose of a bottle of vodka. I could have told them all this, anyone could have told them this if they had known her. From what I could hear them telling me the police were ruling the death as accidental, as opposed to suicide due to a lack of note and the use of alcohol. But I knew, whatever they said didn’t change anything, it was my fault for leaving, my fault for not being there to stop her, and now she was dead because of me. Shiv and Kat are here, Kat was on time, it was shocking to everyone. Now she stands holding one of my arms and gently rubbing my shoulder, for support I suppose. There’s no wind today and the air stands still, I can hear the quiet murmurs of the other attendees, every now and then taking a nervous glance towards me. Up until now I never really felt alone, even with all the dysfunction she was still a parent of sorts, now though I’ve got nothing, just a big empty flat. I moved back home in order to organise the funeral, Carlo sent my things and paid for everything, who knew funerals were so expensive? A solitary hearse arrives, pulls around the bend and comes to a stop at the pavement in front of the crematorium. In the back is a simple coffin, large banks of flowers saying Mum on the side. The driver and undertaker get out of the car wearing identical black suits with tails, a sombre uniform, they both put on top hats which look ridiculous as one sports a large gold hoop in his ear and the other one has long greasy hair that sticks out from underneath. Volunteer pallbearers aren’t forthcoming but the staff inside open up the doors and two burly men step out to aid the undertakers with their burden. They lead us inside carrying the coffin, inside the central room isn’t very big but it’s made to look enormous by the number of empty spaces on the pews once everyone has taken a seat. It being a crematorium there are no religious symbols, only a lot of space left for them as they are no doubt available on request. The coffin is placed on a podium at the end of the central aisle, the undertaker and the pallbearers disappear behind us, out of the room probably to discuss the job. Some music plays but I don’t recognise the artist, it must be generic for when no specific music was chosen, they asked but I couldn’t think what she’d even like. When the song comes to an end a man who I know is called James Langford, who is the manager of the establishment, gets up to a podium to introduce today’s service. He starts simply with the, “We are here today to commemorate...” and after the preamble he asks if anyone would like to say any words. No hands shoot into the air, it’s understandable because I don’t think many of the people in here had seen or heard from her in a number of years. The silence is palpable, suffocating to a point and insulting to another. I get up, Kat and Shiv both look concerned but I wave them off to let them know it’s okay. I teeter over to the front using the pew for support because I’m unsteady in a pair of black lace-up brogue heels, the black pencil skirt I have on doesn’t leave a lot of room for manoeuvre. I stand at the dais, note-less and clueless as to what I might say, hoping that inspiration will hit me like a bolt of lightning out of the sky. “Errm...I’d like to thank you all for coming,” I start nervously. “I know some of you have come a long way, and it was short notice, so I appreciate that.” I pause and swallow hard before carrying on, “There probably isn’t much I can say which people don’t really know... I mean it’s a matter of public record that my Mum wasn’t a great lover of people, I don’t suppose anyone in here but me had spoken to her in years.” I take a look at the audience, nobody seems overly upset, they just watch intently. “I think she had her fair share of problems, and problems she didn’t have she probably put on herself just for good measure. I think her real problem was that she blamed herself for everything that went wrong, whatever it was, even if it had nothing to do with her.” At this point I realise that nobody in the room cares about what I have to say. “Anyway underneath it all I know she loved me, and I don’t think anybody would deny that. I also know if she was here she would be telling me not to be upset, and I think she’d be right, it’s not worth it.” I feel like I might be on the verge of a breakdown, that if I carry on talking something inside me might give way and I won’t be able to stand here. I carefully step down from the podium and go back to sit with Kat and Shiv, the only people left here that I care about. James Langford gets back up to give his closing speech during which we all get up to leave, not wanting to sit through another minute of this morbidity. As we’re walking through the empty lobby I can still hear him speaking, he closes with a statement that carries the weight of a thousand funerals before it, “What lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Post funereal reflections in the empty apartment achieve very little. I’m wearing some over-sized, shapeless tracksuit bottoms and a mismatched hooded top so that I can lie on the sofa, comatose and numb, as I have been for weeks. Kat is cradled in a large armchair, her legs hanging over one arm and her head resting on the other. Shiv is curled on the same sofa as me, using my thigh as a pillow. All three of us now live here by default, at least until the lawyer resolves the estate. As there was no will left with anyone and none that I know of, everything is being transferred into my name, everything being the apartment and whatever meagre amount is left festering in her accounts. The money is of no consequence because there isn’t any, and what there is I have no interest in anyway. As for the apartment, after muted discussion with the girls, we agreed that there are too many memories tied up here, if it was new it would be the perfect apartment for us, but it’s not new to any of us. As soon as the deeds are transferred it will either go on the market for sale or to rent, I’ll do whatever the lawyer advises. On the television is a re-run of Come Dine With Me, Kat has a laptop placed on her stomach and is browsing the internet for three bed flats in central London. Outside the sky is grey and miserable, fitting in a way but I’m desperately trying to lift my mood out of these pits. In the week since I discovered the body I feel like I’ve dealt with it better than people seem to expect me to. In a way I feel that like a degree of my upset now is simply for the cameras, not altogether genuine. I know that inside I should be aching, torn up and destroyed, robbed of my only parent, but it’s just not how I feel. After the initial shock was I touched by a hint of relief maybe? Either way I’m glad that we got the funeral out of the way and I can start moving on with my #life, a new home, a totally new start. “Have you managed to find anywhere interesting?” I ask Kat. She quickly switches the page away from the profile of some boy who she’s spying on, to make it look like she was looking for flats all along. “I’ve sent out a few emails to landlords and estate agents asking to visit some places next week,” She replies. Shiv raises her head and looks over, “Not for Wednesday though right?” “Oh shit!” Shouts Kat, “I totally forgot about that, well if they say Weds then we’ll just re-schedule, simple.” I look at both of them in turn, “Am I missing something here?” I ask. “Duh! We’re going out,” says Kat. “At your bar,” adds Shiv. “Oh yeah,” I say in slow realisation, “I totally forgot about that sorry.” “No need to apologise, babe,” says Shiv, “You’ve had a pretty turbulent few weeks, as far as they go.” She picks up a cup of tea from the floor and blows on it even though it’s long since turned cold. “If you want to talk about anything you just say, you know that.” “She’s right,” says Kat, “we haven’t really spoken about anything that’s happened... Which is fine,” she’s quick to add. “Only the option’s open for you if you need it.” “Thanks guys, but I don’t really know how to explain it I just feel like there’s not much to say about it now that it’s passed.” I place my head back on the arm of the sofa and focus my eyes onto the television and sigh. “I suppose in a way I always knew that something like this was coming you know? Like it was never me dependent on her it was always her depending on me. So I don’t know, if I ever left she was always probably going to lose the plot.” “Yeah but, babe you can’t blame yourself for this,” says Shiv, “it’s nobody’s fault it’s just one of those awful things nobody could of prevented.” “I could have not moved out.” “We all move out eventually though, Hols. That’s just part of #life.” “Yeah I know, I was probably running away more than moving out” I say tiredly, forcing a faint laugh. “Who knows if it was even on purpose anyway, knowing her it was probably an accident.” “No note I suppose,” Shiv concedes. “God this is fucking morbid!” Interrupts Kat, which for once I’m grateful for. “Look we’ve all had a shit day, which has just been made worse because I’ve found out that this prick Joe is moving in with his new girlfriend.” She slides the laptop and lets it hit the floor with a thud before standing up and stretching high into the air. “Girls I’m going to have to suggest that we honour the good Nicola and get right and royally pissed, it’s what she would have wanted.” “No doubt about that,” I say monotonous. “Well then, we all need to get out of this lounge wear and put on something resembling catwalk quality accoutrements.” Kat starts to hop around the various piles of blankets and dirty cereal bowls which litter the living space. “I can’t really be bothered to go out out,” I protest weakly. “Ditto,” says Shiv, more firm in her conviction than me. Kat halts almost in midair and turns her head dramatically to face us, hair flying outwards but then coming to a rest exactly in the right position, mouth open wide. “Well then let’s stay in but can we at least get out of the trackies puhhhhleeease?” She flashes us a characteristic smile and head tilt which probably works on just about every man in existence. “Yes okay,” Shiv says as she raises her head slowly from its rest on my thigh. “If it’s going to shut you up I’m willing to do just about anything.” Kat walks over to Shiv with her hands outstretched to pull her off the sofa. I sit up straight and knock over the remains of Shiv’s teacup. “Shit, can we clean up first?” I ask the girls. “No doubt, I don’t want anyone seeing what slobs we are anyway,” says Kat. “What do you mean anyone,” I ask with caution. Kat chews on her finger like a guilty nine year old. “Well I might have been a little bit reckless.... Don’t be angry though, promise?” Even Shiv looks worried now. “Well I might have sent your friend Caleb a message from your phone and told him to come over later with a couple of friends.” I stand there open mouthed for a second. “By might have, what you mean is did don’t you?” Asks Shiv. “Yup,” she says with a proud nod. “Arghhh!” I scream, “You are the most incorrigible.....There are no words for what you are!” But I have to admit it’s the first thing which has really brought a smile out of me for days. I stand up and pretend to kick Kat who bends over as if we’re doing panto. “Right well let’s get this sty cleaned up then now!” For the next hour we make more effort than we have all week. Plates get picked up and transported to the dishwasher, discarded clothes and blankets are picked up, folded and returned to their rightful places. For once the television is switched off and we put on a Santogold CD for motivation. Eventually we start to be able to see the floor again, a heavy duty bin bag slouches full by the front door, the room is filled by a mixture of music and the speeded tidal sounds of the dishwasher in action. By seven productivity has retreated to its base level and we’re all slumped on the sofas again, exhausted by the outburst of energy. “I’m never having kids,” states Kat matter of factly. “If you have to do that every day then it simply isn’t worth it, no way.” “Right who’s getting in the shower first?” Asks Shiv, ignoring Kat’s comment. “I’ll go,” I say, knowing that then I can use the bathroom upstairs. “Okay then, while you’re doing that shall me and Shiv run down to the shops and get the supplies?” “Sounds good,” I yawn, “can you take the bin down too please?” “No probs, anything in particular you want us to get?” “Get a bag of limes, some Demerara sugar and a bottle of Sagatiba then we’ll make some Caipirinhas, I’m in the mood.” “Okay then you big freak,” says Kat. “I was thinking wine or maybe vodka cokes but we can try your Caipi-whatevers if you want.”

Daddy's Gone 13.1 My phone vibrates in my pocket, I slide it out and answer, “Hey baby, where are you?” “Fee, don’t call me baby please, I’m a woman not a baby,” comes back Ali’s voice from the phone. The bottom of my stomach falls out from the realisation of how close I just came to saying Belle’s name. “I’m at home getting ready for tonight, more importantly where are you?” “I’m just getting ready to leave town, baby.” I say seamlessly. “It’s awfully quiet for central London,” she says, as more of a question than a statement. “You better not be late, we have to get all the way back and park somewhere in Covent Garden.” “I’ll be back in time,” Belle’s black BMW hatchback pulls into the car park and comes to a stop beside mine. Her face lights up when she sees me, or maybe it’s the puppies. “I promise, baby.” “Stop it!” Belle steps out of the car and the puppies instantly make a bee-line for her, yapping along the way. “What was that Felix?” “What was what, baby?” I say quickly, trying to end the conversation before Belle gets to me. “Jesus Christ, Felix if you come home with a dog I will fucking murder you.” “No dogs, baby got it. I’m just leaving, mwah.” “Don’t call...” I hang up the phone, tired and generally apathetic about her complaints. Belle comes over to me, mesmerizing wearing open toe black suede heels with a five inch gold heel she stands eye to eye with me. She’s wearing an over-sized chemise of white silk and some black shorts which cut off about three inches above her slender knees. She runs her fingers up the nape of my neck and pulls me in towards her for an embrace I could melt into. She comes away smiling, “Is one of these little babies for me?” She asks, still running her fingers up and down the back of my neck. “Because even though I’d love one I’m not sure it would be fair to leave it in the flat all day.” “Sorry, Bambi but these little things are staying with me, anyway I wouldn’t have the heart to separate them,” I tell her. “Oh you big softie,” she says kissing me again. “Yes big poor softie, these little things cost me double what I wanted to spend today because I couldn’t separate them.” I bend down and pick one of them up, then the other starts to have conniptions so I have to pick them both up. I hold them up to Belle, mimicking their pout. “Have they got names yet?” She asks. “I was thinking Hiroshima and Nagasaki,” I tell her only half joking. “They’re much too cute for names like that,” she says taking one out of my hands. “Shall we go inside? It’s starting to get a bit chilly.” “We can do,” I start then pause knowing this might not go down too well. “I can’t stay too long though.” “Why not?” She flashes me a look which is halfway between jealous and suspicious. “You really want to know?”I ask her. “Well I really did ask,” she replies churlish. “I’m going to the opera tonight,” I say, slightly confused as to why I’m on the defensive all of a sudden. “I didn’t buy the tickets though they were a gift.” She starts walking over to her front door, she’s still carrying one of my dogs though which is the main reason why I follow her. I catch her up at the door which she’s struggling to open with only one available hand. “I just don’t get how you keep doing this,” she says as though she might be starting to cry. “You see me, then you see her, it’s been months. I don’t know if I can keep doing this, Felix.” I can see this situation rapidly growing out of control. She opens the door and I follow her in. “Belle, you’ve always known I was married,” I begin dimly aware it won’t help. “You think this is easy for me?” “Pretty easy I’d imagine, yes,” she walks through her flat and plummets down onto the sofa, the black puppy totally unmoved. “Well it isn’t,” I say walking down the corridor, “I can’t do this much longer either it’s driving me insane.” I pause to put my puppy down who instantly leaves the room on an exploration mission. “All day I keep thinking I’m seeing my Dad everywhere, and he died nearly twenty years ago so don’t start telling me you’re the only one who’s stressed.” “Oh spare me, Felix!” She shouts, “So what now? This is too much? You’re ending things?” “Yes,” I start. “Oh well fuck you then!” She screams throwing the nearest thing she can at me which is a magazine that doesn’t quite make it. “You’re a fucking bastard!” I walk over to her with my arms outstretched, palms facing outwards, the black dog escapes to join the other one somewhere. “Let me finish okay?” She slaps me across the face with her left palm. “Jesus! I don’t mean with you, you fucking idiot.” It takes her a couple of seconds to register but suddenly the hate drains from her eyes, she lowers her hands and looks at me expectantly. “What?” She asks sniffing back tears. “Belle, come on, I’ve been in love with you since we first met, we both know it, it took me all of... Oh I don’t know fifteen minutes. I can’t be with anyone else, just you.” Her eyes are full of tears again, it takes me back to when I told her the opposite in the front of my car, how things have changed. “But....” She trails off. “Yeah I know, trust me I know, it’s no fucking joke.” I breathe out slowly, this is probably the first time I admit this to myself. “It’s going to be an absolute shit storm, Belle. Let me get the Executive Night out of the way okay? Then I can start sorting out this mess, but I’m not going anywhere, alright?” She just nods. “But right now I’ve got to get little Hiroshima and Nagasaki to their new home and go to this fucking opera performance.” She nods again, maybe in shock, who knows? I kiss her on the mouth softly and turn to go and find the dogs. Outside, puppies in arm, the cool air makes my burning face smart from where she hit me. On the car ride home, I sit contemplating divorce, lawyers, bankruptcy, fleeting happiness, eternal misery and death. When I get home Hiroshima and Nagasaki live up to their names, causing the implosion of my entire household. Ali climbs the walls while I sit in a cloud and ignore her. Lola is ecstatic so while Ali’s screaming in my ear I mentally turn the volume down and watch my little girl on the floor playing with her new companions. The result of this is that Ali barricades herself in our room and refuses to even go to the opera with me. For a while I toy with the idea of taking Lola, but eventually decide that she’s probably too young and it’s a school night, besides like most Russian stories there’s no happy ending. Not to mention I need someone to watch the puppies until Ali re-emerges. Then I think about taking Belle, but that sort of sick parallel is too much even for me to stomach. Eventually I decide to go alone, I take care to only take one of the tickets from the kitchen counter, not wanting to anger Ali more than I already have. I say a last goodbye to the puppies, kiss Lola on the forehead and instruct her to tell Ali of my whereabouts when she comes back downstairs. Then I leave in what is amazingly the best mood I’ve been in for a month. I sit in the Royal Opera House awestruck, predominantly by the architecture, which is bold and dramatic without being garish, but also by the performance of the show’s lead man. The show is set within the more modern context of the Russian mob, in favour of the Tsar’s court. Grygory spends the first three quarters of an hour discussing the overwhelming beauty of Marfa who has stolen his heart, and whom he intends to have as his own by any means. Unfortunately the woman portraying Marfa is so horrifically misshapen that it ruins the entire experience for me. Her head sits far too large on her tiny frame, a small pot belly makes all her costumes look ridiculous and she is so pale that she looks like a corpse. This makes me lose all respect for Grygory and subsequently renders the entire performance very droll and my giggling is frowned upon by the other spectators who don’t share my sense of humour. During the second interval I leave and spend the rest of the evening drinking champagne and smoking cigarettes at one of the balcony bars on the roof of the market. Some people try talking to me but I’m more interested in imagining how everyone is going to die at the opera.