yltgwn ch. 6 "FUCK" I yelled. My throat hurt, my stomach hurt. My everything hurt. I was sick again thats great. Being sick and dedicating your #life to a sport wasn't a great thing. My head felt dizzy and out of place too. At this moment in time I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to call Logan and ask for help but I've been trying to distance myself from him. I need to learn how to take care of myself ya know? Logan and I aren't going to be 'together' forever, I was going to fall out of his #life one and and long after that he would fall out of mine. Logan always tells me that we will grow old together and be bff's forever and everything else like that, but I just do not go for it. Nothing last forever in my world. My thoughts were inturupted by another urge to puke. "fuck you perfection" I forced out of my mouth as I threw up all over the toilet and bathtub. "Copeland honey? I'm going out with your sister for a late lunch alright? Love you." my mom called from downstairs. I threw up again in response but she had already left. I figured I wouldn't be able to leave the bathroom anytime soon so I just accepted that fact and le myself pass out on the bathroom floor. I woke up in my bed with a note from Logan stuck to the wall. "I came by but you were passed out on the bathroom floor covered in blood and vomit. I put you in your bed, I'm out with a new lady friend of mine so I'll come by when I get home." I was covered in blood? No there was no way that I had cut, but I was wrong. On my wrists there was about ten new cuts and on my hip there was a small group of bloody bumbs and a even bigger group on my high thighs. Great, thats just fucking fantastic. More than likely this will make Logan freak out and go into one of his phases. ((I don't like his phases most of the time.)) my stomach hurt from the lack of food thats been put in their.I didn't want food though. i didn't want to cut. Infact I didn't want to drink. I wanted something powerful, exciting. I haven't rolled a joint in a while, but that was something I promised Logan I would only do with him. Have I ever told you I enjoy the occasianol hard drug? Ha, not heroin or cocaine. Okay I've done coke once but thats not the point. I only wanted to go to one place right now. And that my friends was the inner city. I have a friend who lives down here but I rarely see her unless we are leaving fir joffre or coming back from it. Her name is Macy and she is possibly the wildest people I have ever met. I mean she isn't like partying all the time #lifestyle, she liked to be alone. She was a lot like me actually, she had one close friend and the rest were scattered around the country from dance. When Macy alone she smoked pot, when she was when other people were over she still smoked pot, if she ever went to the movies with her boyfriend she would make him touch her. Macy just liked to do "naughty" things I guess you would say? Anyway, Macy had possibly one of my favorite things in the world. LSD. acid, a #life ruiner. Whatever you want to call it. She was surprised when I showed up at her house. "Copeland eh? You wanna fuck around don't you?" she asked laughing. "Shit, yeah man. I do, let me come in." i said nuddging her. She laughed. "So what do you need you cunt sucker?" she asked me with a 'Im sorry its a joke please laugh" face on. "i want acid, LSD, ecstacy? both." she laughed really loud. Macy had pulled to round white pills from a little baggy from the floorboard. "Take these." she said sweetly. Popping those pills was the last thing I remembered When I woke up the next day.

yltgwn ch. 5 Okay, so I might be in love with my Bestfriend. Only a little bit. I mean he is the only person whose stuck around in my #life enough to notice when things aren't right. I mean I've know Logan since seventh grade. I'm a sophmore now. When I got to high school I thought we would never be friends. But we were, we still are. Logan is my other half. He means the world to me. I pushed all those thoughts out of my head and ran straight for the bathroom. Did I ever tell you I had an eating disorder? Anyway, I've been cured, a couple times actually, but I realaps. Sometimes I might go a week without eating. I threw up all over the toilet, it was discusting, but I deserved it. I'm selfish people say, I'm just seeking attention, they say that I'm not really depressed that I just want to have friends. They're wrong. They're all wrong.

you left the girl with nothing ch4 The fair. It was the one thinf my town could do right. It was spring break and even though i didnt think i deserved it, i needed a break from dance. Logan and myself loved going to the fair together more than anything. There was something about it. The food, the rides, seeing people from around the state come here. Something about it made me really happy. It was wendsday afternoon and i had just come home from dance. My mom was home now, but usually being gone with my sister that long ment she was going to sleep forever. And so was my sister. Sleep was the only thing i wanted to do right now too, i was heading till my bedroom to do it until my phone buzzed. It was a texf from Logan, shocking. "Hey copey, wanna go to the fair? c:" hmph, "i just want sleep" i said to myself quitely. "uhh yeah sure. I'll be over in what 10 minutes?" I love Logan to death. I do i really really do. But sometimes this kid can be too much. Doesnt he know i want to sleep? I walked into my room picking up random item of clothing and throwig them on. blink182 shirt and shorts. Classic. I walked down to my moms room. "Hey mama, im going to the fair with Logan. Ill be back whenever." "hmm, oh okay baby. I love you." " i love you too mom." the words i love you wernt the three mosy popular words to come out of my moms mouth. Is it sad to think when your mom tells you she loves you, you think shes up to something? do Any other people feel that way? My walk to Logans house was short, quite, and calm. The exact oppisite of what i have been lately. I was infront of Logans house when i decided to pull one of his moves. I threw a small rock pebel thing at his window. "Oh hey copeland. My moms not home, just come in." i laughed. I walked into Logans dirt room filled with posters of bands bands and more bands. I liked his simply messy room. His room wAs always the right tempature if that has any importance. Logan didnt have a shirt on, and im not going to lie. He looked really attractive. Like extremly. "Logan where the fuck is your shirt?" "i dont know, i do know that im tierd and i want you to lay down with me." "but i thought we were going to the fair?" i poutted. "were going later. Besides you look so tierd you couldnt even stand in a line." he was right. I was tierd. Too tierd. Fuck it. I grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and one of his old t shirts and crawled in bed next to him. I struggled out of the pair of shorts i had on and threw the basketball ones on. Next was my shirt. Ive known this kid forever, its okay to be changing in front of him right? "Thanks Logan, i havent had real sleep in forever." it didnt take long for the both of us to fall asleep. Not long at all.

you left the girl with nothing ch3 Let me tell you about the three main people in my #life besides logan. Faith Sanders, my sister. she is my rock, she holds me down when Logan cant. She puts up with my mom so i dont have to be around my mother. Shes the main reason im still here , i owe her anything. second. My dad, he isnt around much anymore. He lives in South Carolina. Sometimes he will drive down on my birthday or christmas and take me out to lunch. He left when i was seven. He left right when my mom needed him most, but i wouldn't blame him i wanted to leAve this place too. and last the person i hate the most. Corrie Telles. She was perfect. She was happy in ways she was everything i wanted to be. She cheered, every guy wanted her. She was her own kind of perfect. I hated her for it, mostly because she treated me like shit but because she got everything she wanted. She didnt have to work towards anything. She was Perfect, and got dammit she knew it too. Did you notice my moms not on this list? It because shes never around enough to know what im going threw. Fuck, i could be dead and she wouldn't know till she walked in the door two weeks later. I dont even like to count her as a family member. I mean yes, i love my mom. i care for her and i want her to be happy. But on the other hand, she does nothing for me. She doesn't respect a single thing i do. i try so hard for her and she just doesnt care. ~ ~ ~ I woke up the next morning to the sound of my alarm clock. Except i wasnt getting up for school. I was getting up for dance. It was spring break and my mom and sister would be home soon. But that actually ment me spending more time away and alone with Logan. I ran threw my room putting on exeptable clothes to wear to dance and ran out the door. The studio wasnt very far from where i lived at all. It was perfect. I ran into the studio staring my music for my warm up and i slowly started loosing myself in my only escape.

you left the girl with nothing ch 2 I was sitting in the Passangers seat of Logans car. It was mid march and it was kinda humid for the fact that it was raining this moning. I was nearly dripping sweat because Logan wouldn't turn the air conditioner on. "Pleaseeee." i begged. "No copeland, if you're cold take your hoodie off." fuck, he had probably figured out what happend earlier. "fucker." Logan ment the world to me. He was the only one ever around to care about what i did or how i harmed my body. My mom is clueless. I am recovering from a eating disorder and she is just now finding out about it. She seriously doesn't care. I work my ass off to give her what she wants. She wants a happy go lucky peppy dance daughter. Instead she got me. She got a daughter who trains with a 29 year old art school drop out dancer instead of a professional. The lady i trained with was perfect, or at least in my eyes she was. She had long dark brown hair with white bangs, she had her ears streched to a zero, she was extremly tall like me, she had two tatoos. One of the dark mark from harry potter on her wrist and another on her hip dedicated to her brother who lost his #life defendig our country. She was what i wanted to grow up to be. "Copeland, are you alright?" i jumped a little bit, Logan had caught me off guard. "oh yeah im fine, just thinking." he looked like he knew i was lying. "Copeland let me see your arm." "no" "now dammit copeland, i love you so much do you have any idea how much this hurts me?" "im sorry" "cope, dont be sorry, just tell me what made you do this." "her, she did." i glarred at him so he knew who i was talking about. "you're gonna cave into HER.!" "yeah Logan, im gonna cave into anybody who rights dyke, cunt, whore, bitch and all the other things on my locker. Yes i am." "copeland, you're better than that." "ha, well i doubt it Logan." He pulled up at my house. I leaned over to kiss his cheeck and to tell him that i was sorry before i ran out of his car into my weird lonely perfect for me house.