Disease Do you ever have days where you just don't even want to move? I am so unhappy in #life right now and with myself that I don't even have the will power to get up and do things. The thought of driving back to school tomorrow is an absolutely awful thought. There is absolutely nothing in the world that makes me not want to go back more than football. I hate my job. I've never been so unhappy in something that it just spreads like a disease inside of me. I'm so angry and I'm so bitter. Then, on the other aspect of my #life I'm exhausted, emotionally drained, tired of wondering what will happen if anything. I am so tired of being alone. I just want no part of it anymore. I'm starting to want a real relationship and a real marriage. Although I'm far out from those things, I would still like to actually realize that they are potential things for me in this #life. I am not doomed to this unhappiness forever. I really hope I'm not. I just want to be happy again. I especially want to be happy with my one special "You."

Left Unsaid Ever have something you wish you could've said? Do you have things you need to say and don't? Yeah, me too. Instead, I'm left with words hanging. They're always in my mind, but they're not worth expelling sometimes. Sometimes I forget to say them. Sometimes they're hard to say and I don't want to. I don't really know why I'm writing, but I'm in this moment right now I just feel there are so many people I have things left unsaid with. And in this moment, I will wait.

Most Important Day Of The Year He is risen!! But the angel told the women, “Don’t be afraid, because I know you are looking for Jesus who was crucified. He is not here! For He has been resurrected, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay. Matthew 28:5-6 HE IS RISEN INDEED! Our Jesus destroyed the grave. He conquered death and He brought #life for not only Himself, but all. His miracles live on forever and because of Him, so will I. Thank You, Jesus for saving my #life. I love You.

Happily Ever After What? Is happily ever after even an option for me. I feel like loneliness is a virus. It catches all of us very few seasons. I have a severe case of it now though. I'm tired of being alone. I need to let go of the whole think with Howell, but it's just hard. I care about him and I could see a future. I would just have to really trust. Which I don't right now. Jesus, take that off my mind please. I love, You.

Madness. Just Madness. Today totally backfired. I went in to play hookie and just get a note and left with two bags of IV fluid pumping through me. It was incredibly interesting. I got pretty emotional because of it though. I really am so messed up. I think if I actually began to eat healthy and workout at like 5 am I would be much less tired. Also, I need to be going to sleep earlier. Jesus, please allow my mind, body, and soul to rest tonight. Thank You for allowing me to be professional when AJ Derby was testing me today too. There are always a billion things I can say thank You for. Tonight, Steph is one of them. Please allow her to rest in You. Allow her to have a good weekend and feel Your embrace. Jesus, I pray that tomorrow I would be totally focused as I begin to study for my bio lab exam. Jesus, please help me to understand the concepts and for everything to just click. Thank You for Brad and that he's coming to see me. I ask that we would have an awesome week and have some super cool discussions about You. Bless the time I'll have with Nathan and the time I'll get to see Mommy and Daddy. Jesus, allow us all to be emotionally filled by the end of the week. Slow me to rest well. Thank You that I have that capability. I pray Joey sleeps well tonight and isn't awake for hours tonight. Just let the man get some rest. I pray over camp and the things You're going to do this summer and with the people You're going to use. Jesus, Elizabeth. Help her hear you. Thanks for Ryan. I miss his friendship. I love You, Jesus. In Your name I pray. Amen.