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Taylor

~• Too Close For Comfort•~

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  • 12 posts
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  • 01-01-70
  • Living in United Kingdom

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Taylor
Translate   13 years ago

In the shadows (Plot: Mid Afternoon, In the woods, 1700s) [SUSAN *Walks In the woods to collects Berries for her father and mother, as she walks she gets an eerie feeling as if someone was following her* [Edward: *walks into woods to chop wood for his father* [Susan: *sees a bush full of berries and runs to it* This has just enough berries for my family. *backs away from the bush and runs into A man holding an axe* AHHHH! [Edward: SUSAN! hush! [Susan: Edward? Why are you holding an axe? [Edward: Wood..To burn. We are running out. [Benjamin(Susan's father): HURRY UP WITH THOSE BERRIES! [Susan: I should get going. I don't know how long we can keep sneaking around. Edward: Well, maybe if you stood up to your parents-- Susan: THEY'LL HAVE MY KILLED! Edward: but you dont love Alexander. You love me. Susan: but my parents hate your family. Edward: They've never gotten to know us! Susan: what more is there to know? *Walks away* {•FEED BACK PLEASE•}

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EddieC

The only comment I'd make is that if it's set in the 1700's you should think about the language they would have used then. But so far there's not much to go on. 👍
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Taylor

Okay. I will try @eddie12309
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EddieC

@YouShouldKnow good stuff. Keep writing!😃
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    Taylor profile picture
    Taylor
    Translate   13 years ago

    Love #100days. @madhatter Love is Great, Love is kind Love is fair, Love is blind. Love sees no flaws Love sees no wrong Love sees no mistakes Love is long Love is forever Love is eternal Love is #lifelong Love is Immortal.

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    Taylor

    @madhatter Is this okay?
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    Taylor

    #100days
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    🎩A Mad One🎩

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      Taylor
      Translate   13 years ago

      My Crazy #life ((Fiction)) Once upon a time, Oh Nevermind it's not one of those kind of stories. Well, where should I begin? I'll start from the beginning. Okay, *One Year Ago* I was just a regular girl. I should introduce myself. I'm Kaylee Payne. You have NEVER heard of me. But my Brother is Liam Payne. Ya, One Direction. Ya. Seems like it would be a good thing but No. I'm 17 now, Chesnut brown,long hair. I'm 5'11" and Skinny, But not TOO skinny. Well, Nothing is normal around here, but the boys are like brothers to me. ((Do you want me to continue?))

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      Kenna Simon

      Yes!!!!!!
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      Beth

      Yes!!!
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      🎩A Mad One🎩

      It's a very original idea with an unoriginal charecter and opening. Try to spice things up a bit; add some flaws, some quirks, something interesting that makes this charecter stand out! Because right now, she's sounding like a typical Jane Doe, and that is poison to a story! Try writing in a different style; more descripton maybe? Overall, it was OK, but i'm expecting better in the future
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