Adapted Screenplay: Moses & The Ten Commandments I wrote this yesterday... A short film or SNL skit, perhaps... My first attempt at writing a screenplay. I hope nobody takes offense on account of the subject matter. It is a satirical comedy which includes, in my vision, a rather violent Quentin Tarantino-esque scene. Enjoy. Moses & the Ten Commandments Written by The_Pineapple_Express FADE IN: EXT. ATOP MOUNT SANAI - LATE EVENING Moses has been on the mountain for 40 days and 39 nights. During this period he receives nine of the ten Commandments directly from God... He awaits the final word or words for the tenth Commandment on this 40th evening. MOSES (V.O.) (yawns, exhausted, thinks to himself) C'mon God... You created everything in what, like six days, yet it takes this long to give me ten laws... Jeepers creepers. VOICE (from the heavens) Okay... Here it is... After much thought... The last word of the tenth commandment is... cue drumroll... (the sound of drums fill the air) VOICE (CONT'D) Covet. (Moses inscribes the final word into the stone) VOICE (CONT'D) So, the last commandment is... (silence) VOICE (CONT'D) (from the heavens) Moses? Moses? Moses! Wake up, I damn it! MOSES (startled) Sorry-Sorry... Yes, what-what? VOICE (from the heavens, angry) What is the final Commandment? MOSES (frightened) Thou shalt not covet-Thou shalt not covet. Thunder, lightning and the blaring of a trumpet accompany the delivery of the final commandment. VOICE (from the heavens) Good. Now bring these laws to the people. Moses then descends from the mountain with intent to deliver the commandments to the people. MOSES (V.O.) (sings to himself a song he wrote) Mehujael begat Methusael And Methusael begat Lamech He was sharing Methusael's outlook On the topic, Abimelech Mehujael had a facial scar And Noah walked with God Most in love with dyin' Some were doing it in Nod Jabal played harp and organ Like a kid out in Babel Then he lost his leg in Canaan He was dancing with the cattle Most in love with dyin' They were drinking from a fountain That was pouring like an avalanche Coming down the mountain MONTAGE: MOSES / SUNSHINE / ZIPPORAH'S FACE MOSES (CONT'D) (sings) [chorus] I don't mind the sun sometimes The images it shows I can taste you on my lips And smell you in my robe Balm, myrrh and spicery And softly spoken lies You never know just how you look Through other people's eyes DISSOLVE TO: MOSES PLAYING AN AIR-LYRE SOLO CLOSE-UP: MOSES MOSES (CONT'D) (sings) Some die by fire and brimstone In Sodom and Gomorrah Some turn to pillars of salt Looking back over their shoulder Some will fall in love with #life And drink it from a fountain That is pouring like an avalanche Coming down the mountain [repeat chorus] DISSOLVE TO: MOSES COMING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN MOSES (V.O.) (sings to himself) And then Lamech took a #life While arguing east of Eden First borns died natural deaths From plagues against Egyptians Then there was the ever-present Worshipper of false gods They were all in love with dyin' Some were doing it in Nod Eye for eye, tooth for tooth Wound for wound, stripe for stripe And if any mischief follows Thou shalt give #life for #life They were all in love with dyin' They were drinking from a fountain That was pouring like an avalanche Coming down the mountain [repeat chorus] MOSES (imagines playing the lyre, hums the final notes) SUPER: Thousands of years later the lyrics from this song will be adapted and used by the group Butthole Surfers for their song "Pepper" which, in the year 1996 AD, will make it to No. 4 on Triple J's Hottest 100 and No. 1 on Billboard's Modern Rock Track chart. DISSOLVE TO: SUNRISE EXT. BASE OF MOUNT SANAI - EARLY MORNING Upon his arrival Moses sees that the people are involved in the sin of the Golden Calf. MOSES (angry) Holy cow! Have I steered you all in the wrong direction? Do you have any idea what is at "steak" here? MOSES (CONT"D) (he turns to a tribesman and, with hand cupping mouth, whispers) Did you see what I did there? Two puns followed by a homophone. TRIBESMAN They don't call you Moshe Rabbenu, "Moses our Teacher/Rabbi", for nothin'. MOSES (angry) This is bullshit! MOSES (CONT"D) (he turns to the same tribesman and, again, with hand cupping mouth, whispers) Pun intended... again. TRIBESMAN I know, I know... I get it, I get it... Jeez. (they fist bump) In terrible anger, Moses breaks the commandment tablets and orders his own tribe (the Levites) to go through the camp and kill everyone, including family and friends, upon which the Levites slaughter about 3,000 people, some of whom are children. (Moses and The Tribesmen (a septet) break out in song as the massacre begins) SERIES OF SHOTS: INDISCRIMINATE KILLING MOSES (O.S.) (holds a shofar to his mouth and, using it like a modern day microphone, sings) A-well-a everybody's heard about the herd H-h-h-herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, the herd is the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, well the herd is the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, well the herd is the word A-well-a herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, well the herd is the word A-well-a herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a don't you know about the herd? Well, everybody knows that the herd is the word! A-well-a herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a... A-well-a everybody's heard about the herd Herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd, herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a don't you know about the herd? Well, everybody's talking about the herd! A-well-a herd, herd, h-herd's the word A-well-a herd... THE TRIBESMEN (O.S.) (sing) Sufferin' herd Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbu... ull [retching noises]... Aaah! SPLIT SCREEN: CARNAGE / MOSES SINGING, JUMPIN' & JIVING MOSES (CONT'D) (sings) Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa- Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa- Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow, papa-oom-oom-oom Oom-ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Papa-a-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow, ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow, ooma-cow-cow Papa-oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-cow-cow Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-cow-cow Ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow Papa-ooma-cow-cow, ooma-cow-cow Well don't you know about the herd? Well, everybody knows that the herd is the word! A-well-a herd, herd, h-herd's the word Papa-ooma-cow-cow, papa-ooma-cow-cow [repeat to fade] SUPER: The Tribesman's song "Sufferin' Herd" will go on to inspire The Trashmen's hit single "Surfin' Bird", almost word for word, which will reach No. 4 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1963 AD. DISSOLVE TO: AERIAL VIEW OF CARNAGE CLOSE UP: MOSES AND THE TRIBESMAN, THEIR ROBES SOAKED WITH BLOOD DISSOLVE TO: SUNRISE - THE NEXT DAY Moses awakens and God commands him to inscribe two other tablets, to replace the ones Moses smashed, so Moses climbs the mountain again, stays at its peak for another period of 40 days and nights, and when he returns, the commandments are finally given. EXT. BASE OF MOUNT SANAI - EARLY MORNING - FORTY DAYS AND NIGHTS LATER MOSES (reads the commandments aloud to the remaining people) ... Number 6, Thou shalt not kill... (he looks around at the skeletal remains of all of the people he had had murdered forty days earlier) MOSES (CONT'D) (turns red with embarassment) Oops... My bad. FADE OUT: THE END

Breaking News BREAKING NEWS: In response to findings that Dow Chemical Company did, in fact, release dioxin and other highly toxic chemical compounds into water-ways, and continues to, either deliberately or, at the very least, carelessly, among many other pollution offenses, the president is weighing a strike involving cruise missiles against Dow Chemical Headquarters, located in Midland, Michigan, as well as targeting other strategic Dow Chemical locations throughout the state that would last two or three days and could start as early as Monday, according to administration officials. In preparation for the potential strike, the U.S. Navy’s sixth fleet battle group, which includes the USS Mahan, USS Barry, USS Gravely and USS Ramage guided missile destroyers have been deployed inside the Saint Lawrence Seaway System, en route to Lake Huron, and are ready to launch into action at any moment, Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel said Thursday. Also, U.S. F-16 fighters stationed at Selfridge Air National Guard Base stand ready to scramble and the U.S. Navy’s Fifth Fleet, with two nuclear-powered aircraft carriers and about 70 fighters each, is close by in the Atlantic Ocean for backup. 'We are prepared. We have moved assets in place to be able to fulfill and comply with whatever option the president wishes to take,' Hagel said in an interview with BBC television. In return, Dow Chemical's President, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer, Andrew N. Liveris, warned the president that his company is ready to defend itself 'at any cost.' General Electric, Koch Industries and Monsanto, which are Dow Chemical allies, responded by making financial contributions in Washington, positioning personnel into important regulatory roles inside government agencies and by promising high ranking congressional staffers lobbyist positions on K Street. Executive vice president of Koch Industries, David H. Koch, also blasted Washington on Twitter, saying, 'Washington behaves towards Corporatism like a monkey with grenadine.' RE: My BREAKING NEWS post. I wanted to create a news story that mirrored recent events in Syria, but takes place in a parallel universe, if you will, where the U.S. government deems the intentional release of toxic chemicals by the Dow Chemical Company to be the same as the willful use of chemical weapons. I then closed with a few of the very tactics used in reality by these Goliaths in order to avoid ACTUAL punishment for their crimes... Only here, in this fictional world, the corporate giants are just starting to use them. The final sentence was inspired by a recent tweet allegedly made by Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin. The original tweet being, “The West behaves towards the Islamic world like a monkey with a grenade.” I used grenadine, because it not only stems from the same Old French word that grenade does, but also because grenadine is made from pomegranates and monkeys, of course, love pomegranates. Ultimately, I was trying to convey that David H. Koch is confident that the 'tyrants of industry'... I mean the 'titans of industry' will prevail because the corporation makes and supplies the grenadine and the monkey, Washington, is... well... Just a monkey that won't be able to resist the lure of grenadine.

The Price We Paid Traveling through Texas Seventy-five miles from the border Came to a stop—Heard "Get yer papers... In order!" "Are you an American citizen?" "What's yer business down here?" "Where ya goin'?" "Where ya been?" "What's the name... Of yer friend?" He looked around And searched my car I thought to myself This has gone too far I imagined his badge A swastika... What's a checkpoint doing On American soil? What people do you serve? To what nation... Are you loyal? "We're done here now" "Be on your way" "For keepin' ya safe" "...A price ya pay" Stopped in New York City A victim of 'Stop 'n' Frisk' "Hold it right there" "You look... Suspicious" I was walking through the park Took one fucking picture "Watch yer mouth, muthafucka... Or leave on a stretcher" "Hands on the wall... Spread yer legs" "If ya move a goddamn muscle" "I'll break yer fuckin' eggs" Uh-uh No! Not in America Who's your boss? What's your name? What's your badge... number? He grabbed me by the arm 'N' threw me to the ground "Had enough?" "Are ya done?" "Don't make another sound" "We're done here now" "We'll be on our way" "For keepin' ya safe" "...A price ya pay" Arrived back home Targeted... a 'Sneak 'n' Peek' Because my only crime... I'm a member... Of Greenpeace If you're an activist You best watch out You'll make their list No defense No 4th Amendment This is why the feds Deserve resentment No more guards... Unreasonable searches and seizures Don't ask Supreme Court Judges They're just sitting on their keisters So say goodbye to privacy Hello to new procedures How can this be? This doesn't make us safer They took the Bill of Rights Wipe-wipe... Used as toilet paper "We're done here now" "We'll be back someday" "For keepin' ya safe" "...A price ya pay" From surveillance cameras Up and down our streets To warrantless wiretaps You'd better be discreet Pulled over for speeding They routinely search cellphones Is this what they mean By terrorism... Homegrown? They can look through walls They can see inside our homes With Synthetic Aperture Radar Used in spy drones Got a problem? Look around you Find any... 'Free Speech Zones'? Then there's the NDAA And USA PATRIOT Act Suspend Habeas Corpus Really? That's a scary fact O say can you see What seems quite clear to me One thing is for certain What was once the 'Land of the Free' Now resembles the 'Iron Curtain' After 9/11 We were told... For the record "They hate us for our freedom" What? Wait just one second Someone tell our elected officials Oh... Wait... All superficial They're... Oath...Was artificial If freedom... Can be sacrificial Or Maybe they're just dumb Because... When you strip civil liberties... The enemy has won I'm done here now I'll be on my way For keeping us "safe" Look at the price we paid

Do You Fear What I Fear? A little jingle I wrote, using the music from "Do You Hear What I Hear?", highlighting some of the un-American and unconstitutional activities taking place today in our United States. "Do You Fear What I Fear?" Said the government to the citizens Do you see what I see Way up in the clouds, citizens Do you see what I see Drones, drones Spying from up high I keep watch from my eyes in the sky I keep watch from my eyes in the sky Said the government to the citizens Do you hear what I hear Shouted through the megaphones, citizens Do you hear what I hear Move along, move along You cannot protest here With a fist... a sneer and riot gear With a fist... a sneer and riot gear Said the government to the citizens Do you know what I know I'm tracking all of you, citizens Do you know what I know A file, a file Kept on everyone From your searches, your calls to your guns From your searches, your calls to your guns Said the government to the citizens Listen to what I say War is peace, ignorance is strength, citizens Listen to what I say Obey, obey Give up civil rights I'll protect you, I promise, through the night I'll protect you, I promise, through the night [chorus] Do you fear what I fear (Do you fear what I fear) Wake up, wake up It's time to get wiser Give up freedom for safety... get neither Give up freedom for safety... get neither

Drill, Drill, Drill A 'Gangsta Rap' I wrote about fossil fuel companies Performed by Big Oyl (feat. Nat G. & Cole) We be pollutin' da earth Usin' oil 'n' natural gas Clean coal, ha ha... You believe dat? Goddamn... dumbass What about a fuel From the renewable resource... Hemp? "It just ain't viable," Says tha D.O.E.'s Moe... Larry 'n' Shemp They be in our pockets Can't you fuckin' see 'Til we use tha last drop No green... Energy "What happened to Curly?" Ha, ha... He got... surly Had to leave us fuckin' early Shot to tha head Cuz he wouldn't... get in bed If ya ain't with us Youz against us Yer better off... Dead Drill, drill, drill March 'n' make a fuckin' kill Buy in! Rape da planet! Forget tha fuckin' bill Drill, drill, drill March 'n' make a fuckin' kill Buy in! Rape da planet! Forget tha fuckin' bill Youz best face reality We be comin' to yer hood Up to no good (You'll see...) Don't like it... Hug a fuckin' tree! You'll see us start frackin' Or skulls we'll be crackin' Buildin' pipelines 'N' coal mines "What's that smell?" Never mind... You'll be fine Look in yer 401k's You bitches... Fuckin' paid Got blood on yer hands (Shit...) Do ya really... Give a damn? We rollin' in our salaries Fuck tha fatalities And birth abnormalities Forget yer crusade... Shut tha fuck up! Keep diggin'... more graves Drill, drill, drill March 'n' make a fuckin' kill Buy in! Rape da planet! Forget tha fuckin' bill Drill, drill, drill March 'n' make a fuckin' kill Buy in! Rape da planet! Forget tha fuckin' bill It's all about da cheese Get tha fuck down on yer knees! (Prey...) Worship da chedda Ya don't... Not yet... Well soon... You better It ain't livin' in insanity It's about tha vanity Fuck tha calamity! (Consequence?)... Who cares... Only dollas... Only cents Keep yer eyez on da screen 'N' in tha magazines Fuck tha right thing! It's about bling It's about designer jeans 'n' limousines Ya need to wake up From yer mutha-fuckin' slumber Wake up! Who's next! What's yer... Fuckin' number Drill, drill, drill March 'n' make a fuckin' kill Buy in! Rape da planet! Forget tha fuckin' bill Drill, drill, drill March 'n' make a fuckin' kill Buy in! Rape da planet! Forget tha fuckin' bill If ya ain't with us Youz against us Yer better off... Dead