Emilia Jane 2 I could feel Margaret and my mum watching me. I coughed and felt blood land in my hands. I wanted to get away and I wanted to get away quickly. My legs were too weak and I felt myself drop to the ground. I couldn't move and suddenly my body flung upwards and dropped to the ground. It repeated it again until I blacked out. When I woke up there were several doctors around me. I had collapsed and had a fit. It was due to all the stress. I wanted to just die. I wanted to be with my dad. The doctors helped me back into bed and offered me the food. The smell of the soup flooded my nose and I threw up into a bowl next to me. I could tell this was very unhealthy. I sat up and sank into bed. I was shivering with cold and fear on what was going on with my body. The doctors left the room and one of them placed a glass of water with a couple of ice cubes in on my bedside table. I took the glass and picked up one of the cubes. So hungry...I thought as I placed it in my mouth. I tried to bite it but felt excruciating pain from my teeth. I spat it out and covered my mouth. My teeth were too weak to even bite an ice cube. I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up I felt someone playing with my hand. I turned around and saw a boy in the year above me sat on the chair on the right. When he saw me looking he darted up and knocked over the soup by accident. "I-I-I'm so sorry..I'll erm clean that up.." he stammered grabbing some paper towels trying to clean up the soup and broken plate. I laughed. He looked up and smiled at me. "Don't worry about the soup." I said, pointing to the chair beckoning him to sit there. "Your voice..have some water Emilia" he said, concerned. I tried picking up the glass but I was too weak. I started to get angry and frustrated. He took the glass out of my hand and took it to my mouth for me. He put a pink straw in it so I could find it easier. The feeling of the water trickling down my dry throat was heavenly. "What is your name? And can you please tell me what happened?" I asked him, looking into his eyes. He had beautiful blue crystal eyes. "My name is George. I've known you since you came to my school. I've always thought you were beautiful and I started noticing you get thinner. I didn't start worrying until I saw you eating ice cubes at lunch. I asked your friends if there was something up but they told me to stop being a crazy stalker and to bugger off. I ignored them and went over to ask if you were alright but you walked home really quickly so I decided I was going to ask you Monday. When I was walking to the shops, I saw you walking very slowly. I started to get concerned. I called your name but you looked as if you were going to faint. I ran up to you just before you did and caught you in my arms. You was very light and small so I carried you to a bench and laid you down. I called an ambulance and gave you my jacket to keep you warm. The doctors told me to make sure your head wasn't flat down so I sat you up and laid your head on my shoulder. I was so scared. When I heard the ambulance I picked you up and laid you on the gurney. They wouldn't let me see you because I wasn't part of your family so I sat outside in the waiting room for 6 hours. When I saw the doctors leave I snuck in her to make sure you were okay." I looked at him. I couldn't say anything I was absolutely speechless. All this time I thought nobody cares when a boy I didn't know had cared so much. I felt tears trickle down my face. He took my hand and put it between his. I looked at them, mine so small and his so big.

Emilia Jane I decided I'm going to start making a blog. I already have a twitter, Facebook and tumblr but this one I can really let my hair down and relax without anyone I know personally finding out. So today I decided I'm going to stay in and do coursework and homework which I really cannot be bothered to but I guess education is important. Might make a story now actually, actually I'll make one now on this very page! Haha... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hi, I'm Emilia Jane. I'm not your average girl you'll find in school doing her homework but I'm not your average teen, drinking smoking taking drugs. You see I don't have that #life anymore. I used to be anorexic. I used to want to be perfect have all the boys love me have all the girls want to be me. I stopped eating as much so I would have the perfect summer body. This was about April/May. I stopped getting lifts to school and started to walk instead. At first it was horrible and I would become totally breathless and was always late but I managed a perfect time to get to leave my house in order to be on time; 5:30. My school starts at 8. You're probably thinking "you're mad, you're missing out on sleep it's unhealthy!" , believe me that's what most of my friends thought too. My mum wouldn't know because she would always leave work early as she worked in a hospital. It was perfect! That wasn't all though. I started to cut my meals down by over a half. For breakfast I had a small bread roll, for lunch I had a meatball and dinner, well sometimes I didn't even have dinner. I would tell my mother that i already had my dinner so she wouldn't know. After a couple of weeks of this diet I realised I had lost 2 pounds. Instead of being happy, I was disgusted. I looked in the mirror and poked at my now tiny body. "you're disgusting Emilia. I can't see anything else apart from your fat body. No one likes a fat girl." I said all these horrible things to myself until I burst into tears. Every time I looked in a mirror I felt disgusted by my body. This was when it got worse. I started suffering from #depression. I started to cut. Not my wrists, they were too obvious. No I cut my stomach, in a hope to get the fat out and away. At the same time my diet stopped. I started to eat nothing. My breakfast, lunch and dinner was now a couple of pebble sized ice cubs. I can barely describe what I started to look like. My entire body turned a different shade of grey. The skin on my face dropped as if it was about to fall off my skull. I became weak. I looked in the mirror and cried because of how ugly I had become. I piled on a couple of jumpers and jeans so no one would notice me. I left the house to go have a run around the lake. I ran to the end of my street but I already ran out of breath. I tried walking but it felt as if my body was melting into the pavement. I heard someone call my name but I didnt have the strength to move my head. I felt myself losing consciousness and the last thing I felt was a sudden jolt and then darkness. I woke up in a room I hasn't quite seen before. I tried my best to look around and noticed I was lying in a bed. There was 2 chairs either side of me. I had a wristband on my arm that said my age and date of birth. I looked up and noticed there were pumps connected to my arm but I didn't know what was going in them. Suddenly I heard a door open and a few footsteps walk to my bed. "Hello patient, my name is Jane and I will be your doctor" I recognised that voice so well. With all the effort of my body I lifted my arm up and said "Mum..." My voice came out all whispery, hardly a voice at all. I heard the clipboard in her hands drop to the floor. "Emilia?!?!? Emilia!" she screamed. I felt her tears flick around the room as she shook her head hoping this wasn't true. I tried to calm her down, I reached my hand out towards her. She held it lightly. "Emilia, your fingers are so so thin. What happened? Oh Emilia Jane" she started crying into my hand. I felt a rush of tears come to my eyes. I hadn't seen her cry since our dad died 5 years ago. I was only 10 at the time but the same pain was in her voice. I pressed a button on the side of my bed and my bed moved upward so I could sit upright. My mum came and sat in front of the bed. I could see her looking at me, my arms, my face, everything. I put my hands together and heard a knocking sound as I did so. I looked down at my hands and realised the had taken the shape of my bones. My mum was right, they were way too skinny. I heard the door open again but could see who came in. It was a woman wearing a hair net holding a tray with food on. It smelt like soup and it made me feel sick. "Jane you know how we feel about you getting too personal with the patients..wait Jane are you crying? Sorry about this patient she hasn't had a nice day." She tried taking my mum outside but she pulled away. "Margaret, I didn't want you to meet her like this but this is Emilia Jane, my beautiful daughter. I didn't know when I came in the room that it was her until I heard her say my 'mum' I'm heartbroken I really am. I am such a bad parent." Margaret stood her up and let her cry on her shoulder. I felt horrible. How could I make my own mum feel like a bad parent? She's amazing! I turned to the side of the bed and picked up a bed gown and placed it on.

Thoughts I don't think they understood. Nobody did, that's the thing. The thing about #life. People say it'll be okay and everything will get better but will it? Will it really? You can easily dish out advice but would you listen to it of you were in my position. No, no one would. No one understands.