Monster What have I done? Day and night I try to fight this beast inside that I can't deny. This monster within, under my skin, Constantly fighting me and I think it's winning. I can hear it laughing at me as it grins. Saying why fight you always give in. You hold on for a moment and you fall right back in. What's the point of reaching out for a hand to rescue you. You might get out the hole but you seem to always fall right back in when you think you have a slight of freedom in front of you. But your just a fool. Always gathering courage within, convincing your self to fight 'I can win' but your just dooming your self more as you fall right back into your sin. It's like the more I push on my own I sink deeper into this hole. As if quick sand was the foundation I was planted on. Every push I make brings me right back to the same place. To the point that I have given up on running this race. Has the monster won. Am I never going to see that finish line. The ribbon stretched out waiting for me to pass through it. My #life is ruined, imprisoned by my lust and pride, #depression seeping deeper into my soul bring a feeling of sucide that starts to knock on my door. What have I done? Every turn I make brings me back to this place. Will I ever be able to finish this race? What have I done? I can't seem to leave this place. Is this just a dream? Why can't I wake up? Why can't I push away from this nightmare I seem to live every day? If only I can run away from this monster within. But to do that is to give up my #life because it's impossible to live with out the monster within. Is it possible to live with out a heart? But if I do get ride of the monster then does the monster win?

Me? When will I ever know, I pass day by day, enraged, confused, with a curiosity to find a future. To find my self once again, or did I ever find my self.Is my soul caught in a system that repeats its self day after day. I feel like I'm being suffocated even though I can feel the breeze on my face. Trying to put a puzzle together, my #life, but still can't find every piece. I can't get a grip of my self and every way I turn does nothing but bores me. I'm not perfect, I'm not a super human either, I'm just good at being good at everything I put Mind too. When will I know my destiny, my path, being stuck with my own fantasy of what I would like to do has got me in a trans, because I live so much in my mind and not in reality, sometimes forgetting which is which. Feeling like I just woke up from a dream even though I just fell asleep, my mind has become my passion, and my drive and my goal for success and #life has become my furry, my anger, to make a difference for my self. But can't find a thing that would interest me to actually try. It's becoming a struggle to actually get up and make something of my self in #life, I just want to stay in bed and dream my day, because in my world i succeed and theirs no failure to hold me back. Failure that I talk about is not when you fail try again, acting like I can't do it, failure is when I can actually do it but end up disappointed because its just not my passion. #life is supposed to bring answers, but im still stuck on my first question. Who am i?

Finally Divorced Finally Divorced The day I met her it was amazing. Who would of thought that out of everyone alive, at this very moment she would choose me. She is beautiful, I couldn't help but ask myself why do so many people despise her. She's sweet and kind, i mean look at her she's perfect. She changed my #life completely, she become apart of me. She promised me a better #life. When I was with her she satisfied all my desires. I woke up every morning to her, and went to sleep every night with her. As time seemed to extend so did our relationship. It got more serious, one day she actually came to me, and asked me to be her forever. I felt completed, I felt that the piece that I needed to full fill my #life and finally be at peace was finally here, and it was her. But years passed by, and the Happiness we once had was now diminishing. My mother and father despised her, they told me shes a whore and a Gold digger, a fake. That all she wants is attention from everyone.They told me that the happiness she would provide me was temporary. My father and mother warned me. But I refused to listen, I decided to fight for our relationship. No matter the cost. But if only I knew what that actually meant. Years seem to pass by and we got even worse, she was no longer around as much, only when she needed something. It felt like it was over, I felt like I wasted 17 years of my #life to try and fit in and make us work. Trying to show her I can be her forever, that I'm worth staying with. Even willing to ruin my own relationship with my family, and at one point even my relationship with God. Not understanding that the deeper i got my self into trying to fix us, I forgot who I was. Led astray by her tricks, and popularity feeling invincible with her, do I now understanding I was actually weak. I allowed her to win. She got what she wanted, and now she's with someone else. I tried the best I could to finally leave for good. Gathering everything I got to go back to my family, praying they would take me in. And by the Grace of God they did. I am now back on track again, going to church and really looking for someone who I know wont use me for their own Desires. God helped me get back on my feet and helped me over come everything I had gone through to make me stronger. Now 3 years have passed, an I was doing good, I mean almost perfect, my #life was so balanced, but most importantly at peace. When one day I hear a voice call my name and there she went, she was back asking for forgiveness and telling me to take her back. She grabbed and pulled me close to her trying to use her lustful ways to get me emotional attached to her. For a second it worked, I allowed her words to pierce my brain and started to allow them to dwell with in my heart, as she whispered in my ear she missed me. How she truly now understands how valuable I am, as she got closer to seal the deal with a kiss. I pulled back, then grabbed her even closer, and told her its over, and gave her the divorce papers. 3 months later I see her there across the courts room with the face of revenge on her face. As the judge finally declared we where officially separated. At that moment I felt good like I can finally move on for good, knowing she was no longer apart of my #life. I finally divorced her, the world is know longer my everything, and even though I know I see her every day, she is no longer taking control over me, but I now take control over her. As I live my #life to warn others not to fall for her tricks like I did. She may persuade you with so much, but It will all go away at the end. Happiness was never found in her but in God. But hey I'm a free man, no longer married to the world.

A Beautiful Smile Her beautiful smile was like a beam of hope, as I stared at her with no kind of realization that I was. I felt as if that one moment time has stop in place. At least I thought it did, since the beat of my heart suddenly stopped giving a pulse. It felt as if that very moment I couldn't help but focus, only on her, forgetting that I was at work and my boss was now yelling at me. Apparently I was burning the food. Then suddenly I snapped back to reality, and understood that what if I never see her again. I looked my boss in the eyes as he started to calm down, and told him I will be back, then he started up again. But my focus wasn't on him it was on her. Still looking her way she glanced at me, at that moment when her eyes met mine I stopped an suddenly put on the most cheesiest smile. Then I started up the old encouragement pep talk to my brain. " Come on man make a move, shes looking at you. You got her attention make your move". As I walked her way, I approached with a hello. She smiled at me and there I went again, I spaced out now starring at her with the awkwardness of the silence that broke the room. Then with out realization I missed my chance as she walked out the store. Then suddenly I hear my name being called and a tap on my leg saying "Get up, time to go to work". I took in a deep breath and recognized it was just a dream, and got ready for work. I arrived at work and as usual my boss was yelling. I went straight to work, still thinking about that girl I had a dream about. When suddenly I hear the store bell ring and there she goes. The girl I had dream about was right there as she smiled and I spaced out just like in the dream, I tried smacking my self a couple of times to see if this was real. Then my boss started to yell at me because I was burning the food, everything seemed to be happening exactly how it was in my dream. But this time I was determined, my boss was calming down as I told him I be back, and he started up again. With out hesitation I rushed over to her and before she was able to smile, I told Her i couldn't help but notice you have a beautiful smile, an there it went the smile, as she said thank you. And as she turned away to leave, I snapped out of my trance, and asked her if she would love to go out sometime, and with the most Beautiful smile she said yes. I was super happy at that moment as I got her number and started to planned our date, Along with also another job.

Grace GRACE Grace, what is grace? Grace is the ability to forgive. Grace is the ability to show love to people who do you wrong every single day. Grace is something we see every single moment in our #life's when we wake up to see a new day. Grace is something that allows us to see another second, minute, and hour of a day. Grace is the ability to say we are free from sin. Grace is the Ability to have a relationship with God. Grace is not just a word but an action. Grace is the ability to lay down your #life for someone who you know has done nothing but wrong towards you all there #life. Grace, is Jesus Christ. A man who laid down his #life for you on a cross, that for man was once a sign of death, but now is a sign of hope. Grace is the ability to to live a #life full of peace and joy. Grace is the ability to be forgiven from all your sins. Grace is something that allows us to be a new creation in Christ. Grace is what allows us to no longer be children of the dark but now children of the light, sons and daughter of the most high God. Grace is the ability to be no longer dead, but alive in Christ. Grace is to understand Gods word, and the ability to know God more. Grace is the ability to turn a sinner in to a redeemer and call a man who was once a murder, a rapist, a adulterer, a lier, a stealer, a cheater, a person after there own hearts desires, and call them ambassadors for Christ. Grace is the ability to turn one who didn't understand #life's meaning, and show them a purpose for living. Grace is something that can allow a person who was once lost in the world, to be a light for others who are still lost in the world. Grace is the ability to turn a dirty sinful man and give him the opportunity to be a Shepard for Gods sheep. Grace is the ability to no longer be consider unholy, but now holy and righteous through the blood of the lamb. Grace is the ability to no longer deny the truth, but accept it and be a witness to what has happen, that when that day, when grace came and touch your #life it was never the same. That a man who you once denied and put as your last priority, has become someone who you know you can't live a day with out. Jesus is that man, a man who by grace died for us. And gave us sinners the ability to live a good #life, by grace. And by grace not only are all these things done and much more.But by that Grace do we continue to have the ability to live and enjoy #life till this very day. So what is grace, Christ is. And when you have Christ you have grace. - MoMo