Ice-Cream Prices To Soar Ice cream prices are to go through the roof this summer due to a shortage of vanilla pods, say experts . Really? They have ice cream experts now? What kind of people spend their time assessing the stats on ice cream ? The morbidly obese? Or maybe there's a secret army of lactose intolerant warriors set out to destroy dairy treats for the rest of the world. Quite frankly, I couldn't give a shit.

18 Certificates On Music Videos? The government are to put a law into place which will see age restrictions put on music videos after videos by Rihanna Britney spears and Madonna were criticised for being to edgy. I say, let them carry on wearing nothing and using guns because, let's face it, that's the real world and kids are going to find out about it sooner or later. In fact, kids could learn something from it, "Children, these are the breasts, most commonly found on women, unless your a fat basterd like little jimmy over there. And this is the vagina, again most commonly found on women unless your lady ga ga who, let's face it has a penis. Anyway children, for the majority of you, boys especially, these two body parts will control your fucking #life so enjoy the freedom while your young." Yeah, something like that and that's why I say fuck it.

UK Drought Minister Trouble Richard Benyon, the UK's 'Drought minister' was the subject of a bizarre argument yesterday. Water was supposedly gushing from a pipe in his back garden less than 48 hours from the ban being brought into place. In my opinion, I don't know who could give a shit about this. He left his hose pipe running, hardly news really. But what would be new is " UK drought minister waters grass to cover up corpses he buried the previous night". Maybe that's it, I mean why else would he leave his hose pipe running? Aren't all politicians murders in a metaphorical sense? But maybe this time he took it to the next step and did it for real. Or maybe I'm taking this all the wrong way and the only solution to him leaving the hose pipe running is to go and catch it? You see what I did there?