Hands Tiny hands, Cling to my thumb, Discovering me like new lands, Leaving my body far from numb. Awakening new senses, The melodious glow of my heart; Only speaking in future tenses, Safe in the knowledge that I'll never depart. Your arm around me, Your hand stroking her little head, This is perfection, and you can see The scene before you leaves nothing to be said. Bigger hands, Pressed against my stomach, Rubbing it where my tears land, Why is it that you have such a knack? You awake senses in me I don't know exist, Your arm there to provide care, Present tense is the one you enlist, Thinking only of the little bump that could be there. Your arm around me, Your hand stroking my head, This should be perfection, and you can see The scene before you where so much needs to be said. Empty hands And empty heart, Looking back at those once discovered lands, Watching all my dreams slowly depart. Your arms around me, But I feel so lost, Wondering aimlessly Amidst the January frost. This could have been the beginning, Of something truly wonderful, of #life as one; The beginning of the beginning, But now it's all gone.

Blehhhh Beginning with a statement: I have made it my New Years resolution to write more. Ending with a question: What shall I write? A new story? If so what genre? Shall I try my hand at poetry? Even thought I can't write anything like the people on here. Shall I continue Love You So/Too? Help!

Guess Who's Back? As I lay awake last night, I pondered about what exactly has changed in my #life. As I lay there, I felt completely and utterly bored senseless. So I turned my phone on, cleared through the 20-odd emails that had piled up in my inbox, the late Christmas texts from mysterious numbers that I don't even want to know the owners of, and gazed at a few pictures of the people I love most in the world. But I still felt bored, and even then this morning routine I'd established seemed somewhat dull and predictable. I suppose the word routine gives it the sense of predictability, but dull? So I went through my phone and searched for what once was, and what had once kept my days and sleepless nights so full of activity. Then, I uncovered my 'Pages' app, hidden in the folder 'Old Apps'. It had been strewn aside, tossed aside like an unwanted piece of garbage. So I opened it, and read, to my delight, the beginnings of my story 'Love You So/Too'. Now I read it again, I wonder whether I was actually thinking when I wrote it. The memories and the synopsis are similar to my #life, but it just because too intangible, too unbelievable. And the writing style was awful, not to mention to amassed iPhone spelling mistakes. So, I vowed to myself to get back on Opuss. My #life has found new direction again, a new boyfriend, and a fresh start is well needed. I've gone from rank 40 to 800-and-something, but I'm not doing it for that anymore. If no one gets to read this then it won't be any heartache to me. Sure, I'd like it if some people did, but if no one reads my somewhat random journalistic ramblings then it won't get to me the way it used to with my story. It became too personal, like I was living it out all over again, so every time I wrote a chapter and it didn't get the same response as the last, I took that to heart too much. But I'm back, and I'm shiny and new, and my #life is now on a path towards the career in journalism that I always wanted, and that I'm sure I will enjoy. The money is bad, the hours are long, the deadlines are stressful, but as I heard once said: 'I faced the daunting decision between the medical profession and journalism. I chose journalism. Journalists have better parties'

Been One Of Those Days... The highlight of my day was having my first ultrasound and finding out I have appendicitis. Christ.

Love You Too: PART 110 I'd just like to thank @nynahunney before I start for helping me start to write again and for giving me all the praise I needed to get going ❤ "Things will be better here" -TIFFANY- "It takes a brave woman to leave her loved ones behind. It takes an even braver one to leave her whole #life and all her problems behind. When you're in a swimming mass of problems, you sometimes don't realise that they keep you whole; that they stop you from feeling empty and lost. It's only when you step away and take the freedom in that you realise how weak and fragile you feel without your problems and your stresses to hold you up. That's what I'm going through right now. I'm here with my thoughts and my two babies. Looking back at the past nine months, I can't see where it all went wrong: where I went from being a glamorous Upper East Side inhabitant to being in solitary confinement in the middle of London. But I'm here nonetheless, and for the first time in a long while, I feel truly free." I'd been sat at my writing desk for days, scribbling endless jargon that I hoped would win me fame with my first readers in my new column. But it was just useless. I couldn't form the right words to explain the masses of emotions that were flooding their way through my mind. I didn't know what I should say, or even what I was allowed to say. It's so ironic that in a country where free speech rules supreme, I myself am restricted. Getting my head around things, as Nate had told me, was the best way to get through it all, and I've spent endless weeks sat in this room, occasionally seeing to my new born baby boy, throwing my hair into endless styles, scribbling down every emotion I could conjure up, in a vain attempt to sort out the fact from the lies, and the truth from behind such evil eyes. As I glance across the bare room, the room I hadn't had the time or willpower to decorate, I again studied the few things I had posted around, to try and jog my memory, and to try and make sense of this maze of ideas and accusations. There were pictures of New York, and of all the friends I'd left behind there. There were pictures of Nate and I with Serena and Freddie, and there were a few shots from our second wedding, the one Nate had arranged to fall on the same date as the senior ball last summer. But it was the winter now, and time had passed since those happy summer days. Time had deteriorated with the darkness that descended earlier in the day, and there seemed to be no promise of release, sending the mind whirring as it tried to comprehend this lack of light in what once was such a glorious and airy #life. I then looked to the last section on my wall: the last picture that was taken of Will and I, and the final letter he'd sent me from prison, where he was so wrongly locked up. "My darling Tiffany, I know this will be the last letter I may send to you. Things have happened and been said that have shocked me to my core, and I know I might not see your face again. There's a man here, and I won't bother disclosing his name as it probably isn't real, but he's coming for me. He thinks you are my wife/girlfriend, and he's going to come for you, T. Get out of the City as quickly as possible. Make sure Freddie and Serena are safe, and make sure that Nate takes good care of you. I don't want you to get hung up on this, second guessing everyone you see, but don't trust anyone. When dad used to tell us that I never really believed him, but I know realise it's all true. No one can be trusted, not in this climate we're in now. I love you Tiffany. I'm sorry I couldn't have been more prepared, but I'm going to have to hand this all to Nate. You're the most precious thing in my #life, and I'll do anything to make sure you aren't found by these men. Stay safe, and never forget me, Will x" The ink on the page had been blotted and smudged, as tear marks were attempted to be removed, but they still stayed, seeping across the page and dragging the ink with it, but the words were still intelligible. No matter what I tried, my mind couldn't rest. It was 2 months since Will had gone missing from the prison, with officers now suspecting that his body would be discovered soon. But I maintained hope: hope that whoever had a grudge against me would spare him and come for me, because I was ready now, ready for battle. And if he was dead, and gone, then I was still ready to avenge the death of my closest member of family, and to seek revenge on all those involved. The door clicked shut, and my mind automatically reeled, thinking back to whether I'd locked it, if the windows were all shut, if I'd remembered to dead lock it as I left. I dashed to stand beside the cot where my two children were slumbering, clutching at the rails to maintain my composure until the intruder showed his face. "Calm down sweetheart, it's just me" Nate said, stepping into the room and picking up on the scent of fear in the air. "Oh thank god" I exhaled, running towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck, feeling the droplets of rain descending from the tips of his hair onto his shoulders. "Shh, it's alright now" he said, cradling my head against his chest. "I'm going to work from home tomorrow" "Thank you" I replied, nestling my head further and shuddering slightly when he pulled away from me to go and see to his stirring children. "Hello my babies!" he said, opening his mouth and gasping playfully as Serena opened her eyes and giggled. But from the doorway I couldn't share the joy the two of them were expressing, and during this flood of emotions, I felt tears run down my face that felt like water droplets from his hair until one struck my lips, where there was a small cut from all the lip biting I'd been doing, which sent a spark of pain to my heart through the saltiness. I let out a small gasp as my shoulders began to shudder, and I placed my head in my hands, sinking to the floor and resting my curled back against the wall in desperation. "Hard day?" he said, sinking down next to me and wrapping his arms around me, allowing me to rest my head against his shoulder and weep into his already wet coat. "Mhmm" I whispered, sobbing uncontrollably as I did so, making my words in communicable to him. "let's just go to bed" he said, standing up and placing one arm under my bent knees and one behind my shoulders, lifting me up with his strength and his manner, and dropping me carefully on the bed, laying himself down next to me and placing a hand on my blushed cheek to wipe away the tears with his thumb. "I'm here to protect you now. Things will be better here, I promise" he said, kissing my lips softly and caressingly, stroking at my dry locks of hair that draped around my shoulders, dyed a rich shade of honey to protect myself further. He shifted his position slightly, so he was lying totally on his side, facing me directly and looking deeply into my eyes, my emotions captivated and neutral for the first time all day. "I love you" I whispered, my eyes drifting shut as his lips opened up against mine again, his arms grabbing at the small of my back and pulling me towards him with one definite and sure sweep, pressing me up against his muscular frame. I placed a single hand on his bicep, reassuring myself that he was here to protect me, and then moved it up to his face, where I ran a thumb against his strong jaw line then to his lips, which were soft and cushioned, reminding me of the care and compassion he still portrayed towards me. He leaned his head back and whispered quietly, as if he didn't want the kids to know, "Not tonight?" "Just hold me" I answered, turning onto my other side and allowing him to wrap his arm around my stomach and to rest his head on my shoulder, turning it occasionally to kiss my cheek. But I didn't realise, I was too busy gazing at the black and white picture of Will and I as children playing on the beach just outside the Hampton's house, our eyes so full of #life and so free, the beach so empty and so serene, despite the two people walking close in the background.