I Have A Secret Okay so if you're going to judge me, please don't read. Okay here's my secret. When I was in sixth grade, I met a guy named Maddy. He made me feel good about myself. I felt wanted and pretty. Those were things I'd never felt before. I saw myself as hideous and useless. I didn't like myself. I started dating Maddy and the very first day he asked me to send nude pictures. I didn't so he broke up with me. It hurt terribly bad. I THOUGHT we loved each other. I continued to talk to him but only as friends. I promised myself not to let him hurt me again. He continued asking me to send nude pictures. If I didn't he wouldn't talk to me. He'd ignore me for weeks at a time. I was addicted to his compliments. I NEEDED them. Finally I agreed to send a picture. I let him tell his friends that we hooked up. He said it'd make us BOTH look good. Soon his friends began texting me and asking for nude pictures. I sent a couple guys the pictures. They made me feel almost perfect. They told me things like," You have the body of an angel." I became obsessed with the thought of actually being pretty. One day I went to school and I was called a whore. They said I was a slut and easy. The bullying became so bad that at the end of seventh grade I had to move schools. One girl started a rumor that I was a lesbian. She said that I hooked up with her. I felt alone. Nobody had respect for me anymore. This girl even pushed me into a table then punched me. She threw me on the ground and punched me several more times. Teachers dragged her out of the room and I just stayed on the floor and cried. I stopped eating, I began cutting, I even attempted suicide. Over the summer I joined a website called flipnote hatena. I pretended that it was my real #life, I felt wanted there. I was popular, I had many friends, I even dated a couple guys online. I became obsessed with this "#life" that I'd created for myself. It was all a fairy tale. I became a slut online though. I knew it was time to quit the website when people called me names online. Today, I have major #depression. I have suicidal thoughts everyday. I wonder why I'm even alive. I have a girlfriend and there is so many people that's against me because I'm bisexual. I have to deal not only with my problems, but also my girlfriend's problems with her parents not supporting her decision to soon change her gender. I am alone. I take counseling but it doesn't help. My name is Heavyn and I hate myself

Okay so it's officially Christmas. It's 3:13 AM. Why am I awake? Getting a message from people at this time is uncalled for. I am in between sleeping and being awake. I was bored so I made this account. I'm going to sleep.